Preggo files #10

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Yikes, it’s been a reasonably tough few weeks here. I’ve been feeling emotional, tired, vulnerable, anxious…you name it and I have probably felt it. And did I mention hungry? That too. The kicking has gone from “oh isn’t thats sweet! The baby!” to “um, no, that’s OK, I didn’t need that organ”. Getting Harps off to school has taken all of my energy…making sure she is happy and settled, wiping those tears away, pushing my own down, building her up and sending her on her way each day…sheesh we are exhausted. We’re getting there, and she is doing so well, but goodness I forgot how emotional starting a kid off at school can be for everybody.

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I do believe that mercury has been to blame. Now most of you will roll your eyes at this talk of stars and the like but for me I always get out of whack when it’s in retrograde. Everything seems off kilter and out of sorts and throw in some amniotic fluid and I swear everything is just wrong. Last week I went down a spiral of doubt that seems to come so quickly when you are pregnant or raising small children. All the questions and worries seem to just bubble to the surface so easily, self confidence lost…so many unknowns and WHAT AM I DOINGs…why is it so? Vulnerability has been a constant theme and something that I have to learn to embrace rather than be afraid of. It’s good not to be control and know what you’re doing sometimes right? I actually  know what I’m doing right? Acknowledge the fears and accept them for that they are.

Jesus, this is all a bit deep. Fucking mercury.

Look! PIES.

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Note to self: don’t watch GBBO when duffed or when you eat dinner with your kids at 5pm each night. This week? TARTS AND PIES. A pie off! Custard tarts, frangipane, lemon meringue DEAR LORD it was sweet torture to behold. But you know what? I didn’t eat any pie! I didn’t! I took myself off to bed and dreamt of crusty pastry instead!

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I did Kate! I did. But you know what happened a little later? Well a few days later? This:

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Yogo Kate, Yogo. Forgive me. I’d had a bad few days and Rob was trying to make up for it with a chocolately treat is all.

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I know. Please forgive me. A disappointment keenly felt by my obstetrician as well. You’re not alone.

And now neither am I! So you’re all across this now right?

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JT and Jessica Biel are having a baby! Announced “officially” on his 34th birthday. So young! Best of luck Jess, stay away from that chocolate Yogo if you can.

I got some amazing suggestions from you all last week about baby names. I have literally hundreds to trawl through….for all of them a very big…

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From me to you! I wonder what Kate will call her baby?  Imagine if we choose the same name? Except then she will get to choose first and then I will never be able to use to because everyone will think I copied her when in fact I had it chosen all along. Goodness, these are the kind of things that keep me company at 2am in the morning. You too Kate? It’s OK sister, we’ll work it out.

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Craving: Pie and chocolate Yogo. I REFUSE to allow myself to even purchase that Pauls double chocolate thick custard because that shit is like crack to me. If I start, it won’t end well, so I’ll just keep dreaming.

Drinking: Milk. Straight up. Not because of heartburn  or anything else other than GIMME.

Dreaming: About being able to sleep a full nights sleep. I wonder when it will happen again? 2017? 2019?

Worrying: About, well EVERYTHING. Will I be forgotten once the baby comes and all my friends move on with their lives and grown up children and I’ll have to go to playgroup and swimming lessons and get in the pool again and sing fucking nursery rhymes won’t I? There’s a brief 3 second insight to my mind at the moment!

Cheers to you friends straight out of the carton because if you can’t get away with this when you are an adult then WHAT ELSE IS THERE?!

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I’m sorry Kate.

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How’s mercury retrograde been for you?
What was/is your pregnancy craving?
Think Kate has ever drunk out of the carton?

Comments

  1. oh Beth, sooooo sorry for the times of doubt, pressure, emotional overload.. Life can be quite the bitch.
    Glad Harps is settling in to school — does she know it’s every day, every week yet? Can come as quite the surprise!
    You are already an amazing mum.. It comes back to you.. The playground, the bath times, the night feeds.. Oh, I hope you have a friend or 3 with a similarly aged Bub, (apart from Kate) because that helps. Take care love Xx

  2. Beth, just FYI, I was addicted, and I mean seriously addicted, to dairy and in particular chocolate milk. Baby boy born at 38 weeks, 9lb7oz (that’d be 4.4kg). Huge Michelin Man baby. Just sayin’.

  3. I just went into the local iga to get bread, milk and sparkling water and came out with all of the above plus Oreos (now half eaten) and wonker gobstoppers (wtf).. That’s what 4 hours sleep since yesterday morning and having your in laws stay whilst your pregnant does to you…now baby is on too much of a sugar high for me to sleep

  4. Pregnancy can totally suck!! I feel for you. My closest girlfriend is pregnant with #3 and she will have 3 under 4 for a month or so… her back is buggered and she is tapped within an inch of her life. She is desperate for a decent night sleep. I feel for you and you have SOOOO GOT THIS!!! It’s going to be awesome and not only will you keep your old friends but you will get new ones to boot!! Even Kate would be telling you it’s all good and I promise you will sleep through the night again one day!! Jx

  5. Oh, of course Kate had had a little drink out of the carton. Yes, I really do think Mercury is in Retrograde, I mean – look at me clean for goodness sake, I just hope that It doesn’t all come to an end…..I really hope it isn’t Mercury in my case Beth.

    My pregnancy craving: Lolly Gobble Bliss Bombs – I know – I never ever eat these, but I had the biggest craving and when I went to town once I grabbed a bag and shovelled those little suckers in like some sort of starving person….

    Now, as for getting left behind, don’t worry, I was in the same position when I had Clancy (5 years after my then youngest) but my friends stuck around, ha ha ha. It is good because there are lots of playmates and helpers for the baby.

    Now, on a more important topic – does the hospital where you are having your baby offer Wine as a choice with your dinner? Dubbo Private did, no wonder I went back there for all 3 births ha ha ha!!!

  6. Lisa Mckenzie says

    I hope you feel better soon Beth and everything gets easier I think pregnancy is quite uncomfortable myself ,I wasn’t an earth mother or anything and I remember drinking milk with my son and I don’t even like milk!

  7. I’m hearing you on the retrograde. Everyone thinks I am nuts when I bang on about it but it’s TRUE!! Eff retrograde.

  8. I am drinking milk like it’s going out of fashion, I do have 24/7 heartburn but have drunk copious amounts of milk with milo/nesquik throughout each pregnancy (this is no. 4), had two boys and a girl so far, so no rhyme or reason to it. Being induced tomz, my back/ pelvis are grateful. My bits…. Not so much. Lol

  9. I was addicted to pies and milkshakes when I was pregnant with my 3rd baby. Could not stop eating and drinking. Result- a 4.5 kg girl!! Straight after the birth Dr Leong said ‘what have you been eating?! Tell the truth!’

  10. All those fears & doubts seem SO real at 2am don’t they? And seriously, I hear you on the friends leaving you behind thing. I had my first two babies so young, all my friends were drunks in bars or travelling the world & now I’ve got the two littles all my friends kids are in school. So you know what I’m doing! I’m finding new friends! Yep, I advertised myself on a local FB page looking for mums with little kids to hang out with. 83 woman related to me! So now I catch up with them regularly so my babies have playmates & my good mates are more than happy to hold a baby when we hang out.

    It’ll all work out. Promise x

    Oh, and stop worrying about the food thing. You look good & I’m sure bub is doing just fine.

  11. Katie Elliott says

    Thank you thank you thank you for writing this post!! I don’t feel like such a crazy pregnant woman alone in my worries now. 27 weeks with my first and I worry about so many things and my midwife, amongst others, has made me feel so stupid and alone recently. Most of my friends are done with kids whilst I am just starting out and have the same concerns of being left behind. Reading your post always makes me feel better in some way. Thanks

  12. I thought that was her bum he was a kissing! It’s hard going back again after such a big gap…maybe you should do number 4 too for companionship for the bubba and you? The first 5 years are longgggggg for sure. Or maybe move near Archie? Maybe you need to do a bit of nesting? Jodi seems totally over number 3 baby growing too….,maybe it’s a thing? Maybe you need to embrace the babe and just run with it? And get that yogo….no mother ever died from yogo! X

  13. I am 32 weeks with no 4 and haven’t had any real cravings this time. I have lost my appetite. That doesn’t mean I haven’t been eating way too much trying to find out what I feel like. Country Cheese biscuits are close to my only craving this time. My first pregnancy it was capers – a bottle at a time. The pickled cucumbers are sounding good though.

  14. Oh hon. It’s ok to not know. It’s ok to not be in control. It’s ok to think “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.”

    I believe this is called “life” which is pretty dumb if you ask me but just remember what I said about Bill Gates. And nestle some nuggets into a quarter pounder STAT xxxx

  15. oh you do make me laugh and I can laugh because I have two 7 year olds girls and a 4 year old boy and I remember feeling exactly the same when I was pregnant with No3 thinking ‘why did I think this was a good idea’. Well I can tell now (in hindsite) that it’s a great idea and probably the best you’ve ever had (other than getting Frank

  16. it’s those hormone’s playing havoc too beth! … plus you’ve had a new schooler!
    all comes into play! I had to have a mr whippy soft serve every day! and my hormones ran amuck! … take time to smell your roses!
    love m:)X

  17. I do feel for you, Beth, and hope things look brighter for you soon but quite honestly the main thing I will take away from this post is THE PIEFFEL TOWER! Genius.

  18. Oh GOD! Don’t drink out of the carton!
    My pregnancy craving with all three kids was eucalyptus lollies, I couldn’t stop, i would be furious if the shop didn’t have the right ones.
    Mercury and its stupid retrograde is making me and my house a bit mental……or it could be the fact my baby is at school SOB!

  19. I still can’t get enough pie! I want all the pies! And I want your apple crumble too.

    And I totally get that only mom with a newborn thing. It is a bit tough…especially because so many “mothers” things are geared toward first time moms and their worries are so different than mine. But mostly we have been hanging with the same people and doing the same things that we always do…I just have a baby attached to me now.
    And I am definitely NOT looking forward to having to get in at swimming lessons!

  20. Oh my. And this is the first blog of yours I chose to read! Nice to meet like minded craziness.

    My kids are 15 and 19 now. Girl and a boy respectively…. oh, pardon me, young MAN. Not quite a boy anymore, is he? Doesn’t matter, when he’s getting married, I’ll say “Congratulations, kiddo, I’m so happy!” And when she gets married it’ll be “Congratulations, chicken! I’m so HAPPY!” Not that I’d be happier for her, I just get to be more effusive.

    Cravings during pregnancy.. hmm… craziest one for me: Swiss Chalet dipping sauce. (Swiss Chalet is a Canadian rotisserie chicken restaurant) I’m still addicted to the stuff. Never did crave pickles… That would have been easier.

    Starting school is always a big deal here, just more understanding now.

  21. Tee hee giggle. You do find the perfect images of Kate to match your storyline.

    Aubrey! That’s one of the names I love but will never get to use. Totes yours if you want it

  22. OMG Beth kate stole our baby name! My littlest guy was born a few days after Prince George so we looked like total copycats, but my george is named after his grandfather not the prince I swear!!! Hope she doesn’t get her perfectly manicured name stealing talons into any of your names!

  23. Shazziebazzie says

    With my girls – KFC chicken burgers.
    With my boy – meat pies. Such strong cravings.
    All followed by puking through my nose, on my lap, in my handbag, in the car, on the floor at the shops. You get the drift.
    It was amazing to me how I felt like my body had been completely taken over by hormone beasties and I had no control. It wanted what it wanted.

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