The tale of the forgetful husband

When Rob and I first started dating waaaay back in 2003 I noticed a few things about him straight up. He was handsome. He was very funny. He was very clever and creative. He could drink a schooner of beer faster than most people I had ever come across. He hadn’t washed his towel for approximately, well, ever and subsequently had a smell about it that still haunts me today. He collected a massive amount of coins which were scattered across his entire bedroom. And he was messy. And perhaps the most annoying of all of the things – was his last minute check EVERY TIME we left to go ANYWHERE for his wallet or keys. EVERY TIME. We could be dressed, prepared, ready to get out the door and he would always fumble for a moment or two, patting down the pockets searching for keys, or his wallet. EVERY TIME. It was kind of cute. Kind of, even when I was in the heady days of the first few weeks and months of our romance and dating. KIND OF.

I have managed to work on the washing of the bed linen and towels by you know, doing it myself, and have resigned myself to the never ending piles of coins by collecting them and buying things with the money. But the key thing? Well, it can’t be worked on. It just can’t. My friend Mrs Woog suffers from the same condition when flying, and I must admit I do a little too – just checking for that boarding pass, or passport for the 4576th time. It’s something that’s in people. And we can work with it.

Last week Rob and myself were up in Queensland for work. He came along to do some video work while I was taking shots and getting information for a couple of posts that will be coming up. We had an overnight stay, an early morning start and a VERY long day travelling for most of the day. A group of us all went together in a car driving the 6 hours in total and Rob was wedged way at the back of the car. We laughed, chatted and made our way through the journey with no trouble at all. We hit a little traffic arriving back into Brisbane and started to worry about making our 6.25pm flight. We were dropped off at a place that was equal distance from the woman who had driven us’ house and the airport, we jumped into a cab and hightailed it to the airport. It soon became apparent that our cab driver, a handsome young fellow with a fabulous diamond stud and Armani shades was hilarious. Rob called him Ricky Bobby (have you ever seen Taladega Nights?). He was up for the challenge on getting us to the airport in time. PUMPED for the challenge even. He told us to “buckle up, and don’t be scared” and while I laughed at the notion, 34 seconds later I was gripping onto Rob for dear life. HE WAS CRAZY. He was in and out of the standstill afternoon peak hour traffic like, well, something very fast in standstill afternoon peak hour traffic. He took control of the situation shooting commands at us all. “Have you checked in online? No? Then do it now. No charge on your phone? Here, use this charger.” We did as we were told, all the while swerving in and out of traffic and sliding around the back seat. As we approached the airport, Ricky Bobby started high fiving himself on the great result. We all started to relax, knowing we would make that flight. It was at this point, that I saw Rob doing to pat down check. He patted a little too much, my pulse quickened. I heard a “Oh shit.” and I knew it wasn’t pretty. Our car key, for our car, which was parked in the short term car park at Sydney Airport, had fallen out of his pocket in the very back seat of the woman’s car somewhere between Inglewood & Brisbane. And the woman was back home, on the other side of Brisbane (I don’t know where, other than the fact that she had HORSES on her property so I would suspect that means quite some way away). I panicked, knowing that we would miss the flight. Embarrassed that this had happened when we were trying to look, you know, professional for the people travelling with us, all the while trying not to burn my death stare into the back of my patting down husband next to me. I MEAN PUT THEY KEY SOMEWHERE SAFE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ARE YOU 7 YEARS OLD?

Ricky Bobby took action. ANOTHER CHALLENGE! No worries. He dropped myself and our chaperone off. He called the woman, got instructions to her house, sped off into the sunset determined that Rob WOULD get the next flight, if not the one that we were originally to get on, because he was “so fast.” What happened next, Rob relayed as one of the funniest hours of his life. Ricky Bobby told tales to Rob – he was just being a cabbie until he gets sponsorship for his racing car career. If Rob ever needed an Indian male for a TV commercial, or movie, that he was the man, he just had to lose some weight. That he shouldn’t beat himself up about losing the key – that stuff happens – like one time he was out, at a club, picking up a chick who he slept with and then woke up and remembered he had a WIFE – it happens Rob, don’t worry(!!!!?) Demanding that Rob call me, tell me to fake and illness on the plane that would delay it because he thought he would make it (not sure if he thought he could drive onto the tarmac?) All the while racing against the clock to get that key, and get back to the airport.

They made it. $150 in cab fares later, they got the key and Rob got on that next flight, after paying $65 to change the flight. I waited for him at Sydney airport when he arrived at 10.30pm. We picked the girls up from Mum’s place at 11pm and got home at 1.20am Friday morning. A very long day indeed. Ricky Bobby said to Rob “you don’t have to say I’m the best cab driver in Brisbane, but you have to say I am the fastest.” He may have been right. Thank goodness for Ricky Bobby. From now on, keys are with me. I’m one step away from taking the wallet over as well. Clearly, he can’t be trusted.

Does your partner do the pat down?
Ever missed a flight due to stupidity?
Ever had Ricky Bobby pick you up in Brisbane?

Comments

  1. We missed the flight to go on our honeymoon thanks to my (lovely) but rather useless husband! Spent the night at Heathrow Airport and got drunk on cheap red wine… possibly not the best start but very typical us (well, ahem.. him) and hilarious to think back on.

  2. Hubby was dragging me and the kids to another state for work….I didn’t want to move…or leave my family…the kids were only babies…etc etc…..you could say I wasn’t too happy about it.
    On the day of the flight….Hubby enjoyed his farewell lunch a little too much and we all missed the flight…..quite an auspicious beginning to our “new life”!!!

  3. My husband has a fear of losing wallets and keys- every time, and I mean every time we get in to the car if we’ve been somewhere , he says ‘have we got keys and wallets?’ He left his wallet at home the other day and had an absolute fit because he thought he lost it. I found the whole thing quite amusing!

  4. You need to write a book! Fabulous! Laughed so much.

  5. That blog post stressed me TO THE MAX!

  6. That was hilarious, I love Ricky Bobby and if I ever need a chaffeur in Brissy I will have to track him down, a driver like that is much more than a cabby!! Glad you all got home in one piece, and yes, you keep the keys now!!

  7. The pat down doesn’t happen here because it is instead the, “look around wildly and wonder where the eff he put the keys and phone and wallet THIS time” thing. Despite having created two spots in the house where said accoutrements could be placed depending on whether he comes through the front or back door my Mr instead prefers to randomly put his gear down and delay departure EVERY SINGLE TIME!

  8. Anonymous says:

    A couple of weeks ago we were going to a friends wedding. I had been getting ready for about an hour or so and hadnt seen my husband for awhile. I came out to find him asleep on the couch. I asked if he was still coming to the wedding, which he said “yes, I just have to thriw my suit on”. That is where thefl fun began. Said suit was no where to be found. He freaked out, while I sat and laughed. We ended up in the church with me dressed to the nines and him in jeans. After the church service we had to race to the shops and buy a whole new suit b4 the reception. It turns out that the suit had been left at his parents house 2 hours away when we attended another wedding. It turned out to b an expensive day, but a very funny memory. My husband never gets stressed, but he sure did that day. Sue N

  9. So, this could easily be the life of my husband who does the pat down on a regular basis. He’s a musician, artist type. Genius, but a little absent-minded too. Oh and sleeping with a mother woman? Hello??? I can’t say that has happened though!!!

    • I know! Something else. And no Ricky Bobby, that sort of thing doesn’t just happen. You can absolutely beat yourself up about that one!

  10. Well. I do not have a flight missing story but I do have a flight booking story. Last year we went to visit my man’s brother who lives in Singapore. There was a deal on Jetstar and he rang me about it and then I made my first error – I trusted him to make the booking. 2 or 3 days before the flight he emailed the tickets to me to print. I phoned him and I said, “what is my name?” and he laughed, but I informed him that it wasn’t a funny tale I was about to break. He had booked my ticket in the name of Alex when my name is in fact Alexandra and that is what appears on my passport. I then had to do some VERY smooth talking to the kind people at Jetstar.

  11. My hubster is a national disaster in this area. Last week in a spectacular show of neglect he left his phone on the bus (and he LOVES that thing). The next night he thought he had lost his wedding ring which should have been in his backpack for his cycle home.
    Being 6 months pregnant and super hormonal I just burst into tears and walked away. Thankfully his ring was at the bottom of his bag, but the phone didn’t turn up, costing us $100 to replace it and an entire afternoon wasted sorting out a new one.
    I really think it is a man thing, I don’t know of any woman who does this!

  12. oh no, that’s the funniest thing i’ve read all day. although I’m sure you weren’t laughing at the time. I am notorious for cleaning out my wallet mid trip and then throwing out much needed things like return bus and train tickets when we travel. It does my head in so now i let my husband carry it all. I can not be trusted.
    glad you got home in one piece.
    Fiona

  13. We missed a flight once because I assumed it was at 11.30am, I didn’t actually check and turns out it was 10.30am. We arrived at the airport to see the plane taking off. Couldn’t get on a flight until the next day…

  14. Angela C says:

    My hubby is useless at remembering to grab his wallet, keys and phone whenever he goes somewhere. I’m like his Mum ‘Have you got your keys, phone and wallet’ every fricken time. It all came to a head when we started our annual holiday, driving the first leg of a 15 hour car trip – 1 and half hours into it – I asked where his wallet is – of course it was at home. He is so anal about getting pulled over we had to turn around and come back . Was not happy at all!! Another thing I hate is that he has to put his shit in my already overloaded handbag – wear things with pockets man – its not hard!! Rant over …

  15. I was reading your Facebook and Twitter updates as I sat in the car on the way home from Melbourne also arriving at 1am. You know when your driving home and trying to stay awake for the other person because if you fall asleep and they fall asleep who’s driving the car?! Yeah that!You did keep me alert waiting for the next update on the situation so thanks 😉

  16. I would have had a panic attack for sure! My husband would have loved telling this story if it was him.

  17. Heheheh! This is a fabulous story!!! I have missed more flights than I care to mention almost always aout of my own stupidity… *s*

  18. One time my husband lost two wallets in ONE WEEK!
    How do you do even do that?

    And don’t even get me started on him leaving the house with the baby but with no diapers, wipes, water, food…they always survive so I have stopped worrying but really doesn’t it make life just so much more difficult?

  19. hilarious, I have some sort of husband!!! I feel better knowing you have one like this too. By the way did you get Ricky Bobbys phone details for next time ? or for the rest of us !!!

  20. *same sort *

  21. Thanks, that was just what I needed, a good laugh! The story has just the right amount of tension and humour…after a long day with some not so good news for my family I will now turn in with a smile on my face after reading your story!Yes, we all have our problems but they can be overcome! All you have to do is drive fast. Is that the moral to the tale?
    And yes to the husband patting down pockets. All the time…

  22. Priceless. I will absolutely be hunting down Ricky Bobby next time I’m in BrisVegas.

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