Preggo Files #16

You know why Kate is sporting this spectacular resting bitch face?


Well, she has ordered some pink paint from Annie Sloan so OF COURSE that means she is having a girl! I think she might be having a late run of nesting and is shipping up some quick MDF paint projects like Suzie Wilks on Changing rooms. A sideboard perhaps? With some wax finish? Go Kate, go!

All reports and “sources” also point to a longer than normal maternity leave this time around so she can soak up the special times that is 2 kids under 2 years of age. I’m missing your tiny bump Kate, and your superior collection of coats. I hope she is enjoying those trackies and yoga pants.

Controversially there has been an OUTRAGE (aside: why is everyone so OUTRAGED about ALL THE THINGS ALL THE TIME? Can’t we just let things be? Causing no harm than you’re alright be me and all that shit? Sheesh) about lingerie model Sarah Stage who is due to give birth in a number of weeks or days now (this report says 10 days but her insta photo says 37 weeks and full term is 42 weeks) and dares to FLAUNT her tones abs! Here’s a visual of Sarah FLAUNTING.


I’m more concerned by her phone cover personally. Imagine looking that good? Half her bloody luck! My ob would be THRILLED with her weight gain. Unlike me on Tuesday morning (the Tuesday AFTER the Easter long weekend mind you) when I had to hop on the scales. She has another patient due almost the same day as me with the same name (Beth Mac something) and she had our files mixed up. Apparently this other Beth is a little lighter than this big Bertha and whenI told her my weight and she saw Beth Mac’s other weight she nearly fell over thinking I had whacked on 12 kg’s over the Easter weekend! I was all like “What? How good is just 1 kilo in 3 weeks given the amount of hot cross buns I have been inhaling?!” and then we worked out the file situ. We’re all good now, although she did tell me to stop on the hot cross buns and I was like “Of course! It’s not Easter anymore!” Surely there will be mince tarts in the supermarkets now though right…?

Sarah, flaunt away my friend and enjoy the miracle of your body full of babe at 37 weeks. For the records, mine looks like this:


I flaunt my guts all the time now. Especially given that shirts no longer do up. And I’m afraid that’s all you will get of my guts in full preggo mode. The stretch mark map is saved for my own personal dismay viewing wonder. It truly is a miracle to behold!

Sleeping has become difficult especially with the bloody crazy dreams I have been having. To really scare the shit out of Rob the other night I literally SCREAMED a blood curdling scream as (in my dream) there was a man leaning over our bed about to attack me which had me screaming one minute and then snoring again the next all while Rob tried to calm down. The night wakings from Harps have been getting a little less too…we are slowly getting there. I just have to try and get to sleep and STAY asleep while I can. I seem to be the world’s lightest sleeper and once that brain kicks into gear there is no stopping me and there can be hours before I’m sleeping again.


Did you see this sleep trick doing the rounds on the net this week? A Sydney Dad posted this trick that helps get their son to sleep in 40 seconds. Takes me about 40 seconds at the moment too, and I don’t even need a tissue!

Kate is all like SLOW CLAP.


And I am all like, whatever it takes people! I personally found that rocking or breastfeeding for hours at a time did the trick then slowly crawling out on my hands and knees was the way I remember doing it. Although this sure as shit looks easier.

But don’t worry Kate, you have been hailed as a Super Hero in this great article in the Guradian this week. Pregnancy wardrobe SCHMWARDROBE. You nailed it!

You know what I am nailing at the moment? FOOD!

IMG_0810 IMG_0847

I said to Rob yesterday morning when I was getting myself my third breakfast for the morning that I have officially turned into a 17 year old teenage male. All I want to do is sleep, have sex and eat and then sleep again. It’s unlike anything I experienced with the other girls (the sex bit anyway) and is quite revolting. I mean LOOK AT WHAT I MADE UP IN MY HEAD YESTERDAY. Thinly sliced Granny Smith apples with peanut butter smeared over its back. Verdict: DELICIOUS. Soup? Gimme! Toast? GIMME. Salads and fruit? GIMME. I’m trying to stay away from bad food because I just won’t stop once I start, but it’s not pretty.

I did love this video I saw last week on the Show & Tell blog about The “Cath wrap” way to wrap your babe (which was totally not the way I ever did it). I will be sure to give it a crack and report back in due course.


I know Kate, right? It’s good.

Craving: All kinds of things. And giving into Pauls Double Thick custard FINALLY at this late stage of the pregnancy. It’s actually a Christmas Miracle that I managed to wait this long. I have a chocolate one that I kept hidden from the family over Easter at the back of the fridge that is ALL mine. ALL mine.

Drinking: Lemon Barley cordial and lots of it. With ice. And mineral water.

Dreaming: Of little boys with chubby cheeks and of labour. Lots of labour dreams.

Maybe I was dreaming of this little one. Check out Archie over easter in his little gift that was sent to me from Rupert & Milla to give him to wear.


Cheers to you friends with my 34th meal of the day…some passionfruit that we are all getting stuck into with gusto in this house at the moment, yoghurt and strawbs.


I hope if you have a newborn you can get them to sleep as easily as with a tissue. If you are pregnant I hope you are getting some sleep and enjoying those 4-5 breakfasts that can occur when you are on holidays and not out the door doing school term things. If you are a husband of a pregnant lady I hope you are dealing with the hormones and enjoying the surge in sex drive if that’s a thing. If you have abs flaunt them, if you have guts, flaunt them, if you feel outraged by something that REALLY doesn’t matter, then turn your computer off and go stand outside on the grass. So much shit we get ourselves worked up about just DOESN’T MATTER.

Have a good week friends, whatever it is you are doing x

Got any pink Annie Sloan chalk paint DIY projects on the go? FYI you are having a baby girl.
Got any sleep tricks you want to share with desperate Mothers?
Any strange food combos you have been working on?


  1. That is so miss lovely abs first bubba.. surely?! and I fear I am more likely to be outraged by its wardrobe given what she dresses her phone in!!

  2. Ahh, Beth, I love the updates! Kate would approve – I was watching the Royal Variety Performance with my parents the other night (I can’t believe how tops things can be actually – an Easter holiday up the coast with my parents in tow to enjoy grandparenting our sprogs and cooking meals for us) and Sarah Millican did the most hilarious routine about how many meals you should have in a day! You’d approve!
    When Miss G came along we had purchased the “Sounds of Silence” cd as recommended by the midwife at RPA. Boy, it worked an absolute treat with our daughter, from the day we came home from hospital. Then there was the dummy with both the kids and yes, that worked too!
    Enjoy this easter break – I know we are!!

  3. Try swapping out peanut butter for almond butter on the apple slices. It’s amazing! One of those rare times the health nut people aren’t lying when they say something disgustingly healthy tastes amazing.

    I also have no idea how you manage to let Archie visit without gobbling him up. He’s just adorable! Those cheeks…

  4. I have painting projects on the go but I’m far from preggers. The only thing in my oven is a Jamie Oliver slow cooked pork (with crackling!). What’s that I hear? The sound of you jumping in your car and heading up the Pacific Highway to Brisbane for dinner? Thought so. Will save you some. x

  5. Beth, you crack me up! I’m working on trying to paint some candlesticks with some Annie Sloan paint. I bought the paint…that’s as far as I’ve gotten.

  6. supernashwan says

    Would love to know some sleep tricks for my 6 month old. Only sleeps for 30 to 45 minutes at a time, day or night now. So tired of getting up literally 10 times a night!

    • I know I’m old fashioned but do you wrap? My daughter has an 8 month old who is a good sleeper but I still wrap her. Not the legs anymore, something about the hips, but the arms straight down the sides. You can let them ( the arms) out when you put the baby in bed. Also Chattanooga Choo Choo is the preferred song!!

      In the day I put her in the pram and walk. She goes to sleep really well then.

      • supernashwan says

        Oh she sleeps, just always wakes up 30 minutes later. Might be teething. Who knows but it is annoying day and night!

        • I think the baby wants to be cuddled by you. Babies are so tiny, they need lots of TLC sometimes, don’t they? If you can just stay up and let her sleep in your arms for as long as possible, she’ll be happy. I know that this might cause a bit of discomfort for you, and you’ll never get much sleep with a newborn anyway, but I can guarantee that your baby will sleep ‘like a baby’. And you might end up getting a lot more rest yourself. 🙂

    • Oh you poor thing…I know the pain and I have NO tips. I do know that people swear by some of the sleeping books by an Australian woman…God I can’t remember her name now though. Pinky someone? If I remember it I will be sure to come back and let you know!

  7. I just love reading these posts!!! You crack me up!!! =D

  8. Ah Beth, love your pregnancy files. Classic stuff. My husband loved my ahem appetite for getting intimate when pregnant with #4. Those pregnancy hormones! You know its the exact opposite once the baby arrives, lol. Keep up the good work 😉

  9. Archie is ADORABLE. That outfit kills me.
    The tissue trick cracks me up because lately my 3 year old has decided he needs to have a tissue in his bed before he can go to sleep (it started when he got a cold the other week which he is now well and truly over). And when I say cracks me up, I mean makes me cry. BECAUSE ANNOYING.

  10. Lisa Mckenzie says

    Beth you crack me up,the sex thing is a thing I did that with mine! The dreams are totally normal and I’m sure Kate is very proud of you 1kg over Easter,well done.
    Enjoy your last bit of pregnancy and that belly ,the rest and the food .Take care Beth Xx

  11. Kathee Gunn says

    Love this post ! BTW if you too want to be like Kate and paint with Chalk Paint by Annie Sloan see for your nearest royally ‘approved’ Australian shop. A warning though , it’s addictive ( though water based so safe for babies) !

  12. you are funny beth! …
    enjoy that last stage!
    that baby is adorable going back to sleep!
    may not work for everyone though!
    bliss out! love m:)X

  13. Beth your posts crack me up. A highlight of my day x

  14. Beth,

    Apple, cruncy Mayers peanut butter with chocolate chips. I use cacao chips. Either taste great.

    It’s the best. Xx

  15. Funny Beth ( aka bertha) with the mixed up pregnancy files. I can imagine the look on your face and on the ob’s face. Classic!
    But I am sure you look swell and just as good as all the chicks with their toned pregnant abs! And your a great mum to boot!
    Have a good holiday with your family at the farm!

  16. Hahaha mixing up the files. At least it was only a check up!! Enjoy being pregnant and being able to eat what you want, it’s the only time we can. Mmmmm apple and peanut butter, sounds delish and I’m not even pregnant, love peanut butter though, it’s a weakness..

  17. Hello Beth
    I was finally able to share my news yesterday with the big wide world – I’ve made it to 12 weeks!! I have the beautiful evidence on my fridge and Facebook and Insta to prove that all the ‘bluuurrgh’ I’ve been experiencing and all the days on the couch unable to lift my body out of the cushions has been for a a worthwhile reason – those teeny tiny arms and legs were waving about and baby even turned to give us a Terminator face and stare back at us! It’s reallly really real Beth!
    I just wanted to let you know that during this miracle 12 weeks (the big miracle being I kept a secret that long!) I have loved all of your posts n files – Beth dear…You are my Kate!!
    This will be my 4th – a 40th birthday surprise and blessing which has stunned and humbled us! While I am a confident mum of a 22,18 and 10 year old – I – like you, have all those pesky little worries and thoughts and nerfous lip trembles that any other mum has – but Your posts Beth – are exactly what I need – real n raw and funny, and joyous and somedays leaving me in laughter and other days with warm salty tears – I just want to thank You for having the courage to share it with us.
    I have 6 more sweet months (Oct) till I can kiss itty bitty tiny toes I saw on the monitor yesterday – but I will be delighting in your eagerly awaited precious little one – and I’ll be refreshing my memory as I follow along with your beautiful preggo-files n baby posts.
    xxx Rowena/VintageNobility

    • Oh Rowena what a lovely comment! Thank you for it and apologies for being so slack replying…finally catching up this morning. This comment was just the thing I needed to read so thank YOU. And congrats! What an exciting time. Hope you start to feel better and enjoy this crazy ride x

  18. Best posts ever! Seeing as you’re already on the peanut butter train, you should try it on a rice cake with some thinly sliced banana. It’s my best snack ever. And marginally better for you than a HCB 🙂

  19. I used to gently stroke (with feather like strokes) on my babies faces – mostly around the eyebrows, temples & bridge of their nose. Almost always put them to sleep in less than a minute or two. Maybe, like the tissue, it has a hypnotic effect? Try it too, it just may soothe your new little one soon.

  20. Not long for you now! I love the peanut butter on cucumber snack. I reckon my 2 boys would love that.

  21. Sam Leader says

    I have two girls and a boy and the boy pregnancy was the only one where I permanently needed sex, exhausting Johnno so much he begged me to take up porn (and I did). Just sayin’.

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