Long weekend-ing

You may have popped over here to have a look at some nice photos of our nice weekend. Because it was, indeed, nice. So here, let me get one of the way for you. Look! Hydrangeas! In April! Still flowering!

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But in reality, it’s day 18 of the school holidays. So it’s safe to say that things are mostly like this, despite the flowering hydrangeas.

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This weekend was not my prettiest friends. Let’s start with the fact that Maggie has forgotten how to sleep.

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I agree Maggie, it’s BULLSHIT. Well, she hasn’t forgotten how to sleep, but she has forgotten how to get to sleep. Instead of settling herself into a slumber in her own cot she now instead instantly rolls over, crawls to the end of her cot and stands and then laughs and demands that someone play with her. She can be DELIRIOUSLY tired, but still, in she gets and crawls and stands. And then sometimes she whacks her head on the cot and so, tears. We have had to rock her to sleep. And for a third time veteran Mum like me a couple of things come to mind.

1. OH NO YOU DITN’T

2. Is she taking the piss? She’s just putting this on and taking the piss right?

3. This is going to form a bad habit. I’ll be rocking her to sleep when she’s 17 and I can’t believe I am starting something like this when I SWORE that I wouldn’t do this

4. I cannot believe we are starting this again. Of COURSE she can’t sleep either, because I have non sleeping kids and this is going to be my life, every sleep, between now and  the next 17 years.  SHIT.

5. Why do people get kids that sleep and then there’s us? What do we do wrong? WHY DOES IT HAPPEN EVERY TIME? It must be us. It just must be. How did they even let me be a Mother?

And so on, and so forth. Needless to say I get a little ahead of myself at times. Ahem. I am a parenting doomsdayer when it comes to sleep and my children because: SLEEP AND MY CHILDREN. I got cranky and tried and cranky. On top of this, my 6 and a half year old decided ALL holidays that she would wake 3-4 times a night, every night and would come into our bed. Again. AGAIN. So this is like sleep training her again for the 67th millionth time. On top of the regular sleep patterns of a 11 month old, you can see how I was feeling a little negative about sleep.

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On Saturday night when I had fallen asleep for 20 mins, and the Maggie woke up and Rob laid in bed asleep I LOST IT. I lost my mother flipping mind. I had a tantrum. I screamed at Rob. Fuck this shit.

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I spiralled out of control and could have done with a good slap across the face. I really don’t do waking babies well in the hour after I have gone to sleep. Anything past 12? I can do. Anything before? Table flipping. And once I calmed down, got the baby to sleep and then me to sleep I woke up and felt terrible and tired and just plain awful. I could barely look at anyone (which was awkward seeing as we had visitors) and couldn’t talk to anyone.

We went to lunch at my Mum’s and I sparked up a little until my poor Mum asked me why I thought it was that Harper keeps waking in the night? “I DON’T KNOW! I DON’T KNOW! I DON’T KNOW! I DON’T KNOW!”

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Because, I don’t know.

She just does.

We left not long after that and I got home, put the baby to bed (after rocking her 345 times) and then put myself to bed. I felt a little better yesterday, and again today, after a better nights sleep again last night.

But I feel cranky and tired and like a hormonal raging bull. It will pass.

And Maggie’s sleeping will pass.

And Harper will eventually not come into our room.

And hopefully I don’t stay such a cranky mole ALL the time. It will all pass.

Tomorrow school is back, and we’ll get some more routine. I’ll get some more space and time back for work and deadlines and time with Maggie. I’ll keep taking my evening primrose oil and I’ll stop goggling shit like “why does my 6 year old still wake in the night?” because it doesn’t really matter. She just does. Like me and my long weekend tantrum. I just did.

Today I’ve got 2 extra kids here so my two and not fighting with each other. I have 3 loads of washing on and it’s a SUNNY day outside. And I’ve got flowering hydrangeas.

Let me guess, you’re all looking like this right now? Am I right?

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How was your weekend?
Anyone else lose their entire shit?

Comments

  1. Ugh a few weeks ago both the boys were tag teaming coming into our room, and I can not sleep with kids in my bed, well when they bash me in head or snuggle up to me and push me out of bed. I’m sure they’ll come good. Thanks for the laugh – sorry it was at your expense xxxx

  2. Oh Beth, I do like you. Thank you, thank you for keeping it real. While your post fills me with dread, it is also so comforting. Because I have a 6 + 4 year old, and they are not great sleepers. And Saturday night saw us with cough vomits (in the bed!) from number 1, and then croup starting up with number 2, and I had my own version of a mummy tantrum the next day, because I was just so flipping tired. I am freaking out because my number 3 is due in October, and how am I going to do a baby when my big kids don’t sleep? But it’s nice to know that we are all equally crazy ?

  3. One word for my looooonnng weekend…. gastro. 3 kids. Say no more.

  4. Oh Beth 🙁 I really feel for you!! Losing one’s shit is a completely valid and essential part of the ‘I know I am never EVER going to sleep again’ mindset – which too, is a completely normal (over)reaction that one experiences when said sleep has been torturously stolen from our lives. It will pass…..before it reappears again at some point, and then passes again, and the cycle will continue forever I think. (yes even the 18 year old in the house keeps me awake, waiting for him to get home safely…but he then gets to sleep all day, while I get up at the crack of dawn to the 4 year old). Go and escape out into that sunshine for as long as you can, before your absence from the room is discovered! xxx

  5. Not that it matters what anyone else has done with their kids…because my new mantra when I feel like a yoga goddess is ” keep my eyes on my own mat “…but I totally rocked all my 3 babies. And I loved it. Mind I didn’t have to do it much of a night, but every day ( well most ) day sleeps I did. And it was without a doubt my favourite part of the day. It would take a tops of 15 mins…I would actually sit – because I don’t much – and it was just me and my baby. I would rock that baby like a pro in my rocking chair. The looks I got/get from people when I tell them that I was a rocker…you’d think I was giving my kids drugs not HUGS!
    Hope you feel even more better today…

    • Thanks Sandra! Like someone has told me before…it’s only a problem if I make it one! I am channelling my inner go with the flow and funnily enough, things are brighter!

  6. Worm medicine for Harper. I swear. See what happens

  7. Leanne Collinson says

    Oh you make me laugh , can so relate to all , we had major sleeping issues with first son , (he was lucky to get a sister) Triessillian , controlled crying ,every book I could get my hands on from the library (no internet back in 1993 ) his sleeping was on and off till 8-9 years ,but when he came into our room he had a pull out mattresses under our bed and he would curl up on that , Happy to report that he can now sleep around the clock .Ha Ha

    • Oh Leanne! You know my pain. We had a mattress for H for about 18 months that went when Maggie was born…she’s been fine for almost a year…it would feel like defeat if we were to bring it back in. That said, we’d all be sleeping! Thanks for your advice x

  8. Got laid. Again.

  9. Leeanne Boyson says

    Oh Beth – our six (almost 7 year old) beautiful son has very rarely stayed in his own bed and it can be anything up to 4, 5 , 6 or 7 times a night. He just wants to snuggle and sleep with someone – we have tried snuggly toys, the dog, he has a nightlight, he picked his bed, he has picked his bed linen, he loves his room, we even tried the cat and he still comes in – I DON’T KNOW WHY, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I DON’T KNOW WHY!

    He is fine to go to sleep by himself but would much prefer me to be there with him, we have tried everything, reward systems, punishments (which i hated more than he did) and gentle kindness – but then my gentle kindness runs out and i turn into a tornado and then the remorse comes.

    HELP ME – GOD – HELP ME

  10. Oh no!!

  11. I’m with Leanne Collinson and had an extra (camp bed) mattress. When our third child was born, our two year old would come into our room and wake her dad (‘cos mummy got up for the baby ?) to get the mattress out and then she’d sleep through until morning! Our eldest was about six when he started coming through, so I had a star chart for him. Everytime he would stay in his bed through the night, he would get a star sticker and cents in his money box to buy a comic at the weekend. Sleep clearly ranked much higher than bribery for me ?

  12. Hmm – my daughter turning 16 and going to a bonfire on the beach and not answering her phone (the un-negotiable rule when she’s out, otherwise she doesn’t go out!) and so I ring her friends who were with her 5 minutes ago but they’re not sure where she is (WTF??)… but they’ll get her to find me!! Grrrr!!! So I go and pick up the ones that are staying over and then a few randoms as well, cos some people think it is cool to let their 16yr olds roam the streets and catch buses by themselves at 11pm at night. Am I the only one who is not okay with this?

    PS: Turns out daughter was with boy – lovely trustworthy boy but they wanted to break away a bit and chat (and no doubt pash!) I will get the gossip today but I will take your non sleeping children and you can have the teenager.. :-/ She goes for her L’s on Friday.. eeek!!!

  13. Tracey Galea says

    Although my daughter is 17, I’m having flashbacks reading your post Beth. My daugther used to call our bed “our bed” meaning hers, mine and my husbands. She is now a teenager and loves her sleep so its all come full circle, even so far as our GP recommending that teenagers need to sleep in and have nanna naps to accommodate their developing brain! I don’t have any answers but just do what ever works for you to get you through. Someone once told me you only have to live by your own rules and its so true. I also remember seeing Billy Connolly at the Opera House he said to insit they sleep in your bed and they wont want too!

  14. peta venus says

    I have had no sleep for 21 years! Non-sleeping intellectually disabled son has survived on 2 hours sleep a night . Ill swap.

  15. Thanks for keeping it real. None of my 5 kids got the hang of sleep until they were 2-3yrs of age. The youngest is nearly 4 and sleeps with me all night and now it’s the husband that wakes me up getting ready for work! I don’t do broken sleep well anymore after about 20 bloody years. He got told in no uncertain terms to be quiet over the weekend. I feel your pain and I can’t wait for school to be back tomorrow. The teenagers social lives and needing to be picked up at nearly midnight are a killer too.

  16. It is so not you, I think I have commented this before but my daughter was a freakishly good sleeper, of course I put this down to my superior parenting 😉 Then my son came along, he wasn’t the worst but he still wakes up in the night a few times a week and our third is due in three months. And my daughter is nearly five now and comes into our bed. So don’t beat yourself up!

    When my son went through what your Maggie is doing (it was really annoying I remember it well) I would go into his room with him and just lie him down every time he stood up and pretend sleep next to his cot. After maybe four or five nights it did get better. But it took about an hour each night… And I still sometimes rock him to sleep, even though he is a 17kg toddler!

  17. Nice work with all the RHW gifs. Andy Cohen says he knew the RHW of New Jersey would be a hit the moment Theresa flipped the table.

    Re the lack of sleeping, I feel for you. You know I myself never sleep and it is a bit irritating. My kid on the other hand slept like a dream and I used to stare at him willing him to wake up. So weird how an insomniac would be given a sleeping baby. Surely an insomniac should have a baby that is awake all night?

    I personally would not be doing the rocking thing because Rod for Own Back, but desperate times, desperate measures.

    I love school holidays- heaven on earth not to have to find a non existent park near the school and rush to work. Ditto no packed lunches, uniforms, show and share prep or rushing to after school care before 6.

    When you are up during the night you should watch Band of Brothers. Such good tv. Right up there with the Sopranos.

    Good luck, it will all work out because it always does. x

  18. Lisa Mckenzie says

    It is not you Beth Maggie is probably teething or has just learnt that she shall miss out on things if asleep it will pass I don’t know when… But it will I too had a daughter who would not sleep in her own bed unless I was in there too,after having a son who got put in the cot and slept usually all night unless he as sick it was a rude shock,don’t worry you won’t be having 17 year olds in your bed! My daughter had night terrors and even broke her collarbone during one,I feel for you I really do,it’s so hard to function on no sleep.
    Your hydrangeas are pretty ??

  19. Thank goodness for Hydraengeas….If my 20mnth old stays in his cot all night, after snuggling on the couch to get to sleep in the first place mind you, we are on fire here. Haven’t put a fire out for a looooong time though.

  20. When I was little I stood up in my cot and talked to myself.
    There is also the story of one night, I managed to get out of bed but couldn’t open the door and Mum & Dad let me cry, not realising I was *out of bed*. I fell asleep *on the floor*, looking through the crack under the bottom of the door.
    Morals of the story: things which parents found frustrating become funny, eventually.

  21. Oh man, I’m so feeling ya. Neither of my little ones sleep well at night & last night they started coughing & im not even joking, I was up every 3 minutes to one of them for about 3 hours. Faaaaaaark! And it’s hard because you know it’s not the kids fault & it’s not the husbands fault but you just can’t help acting like a grade A bitch because JESUS CHRIST I JUST NEED SOME FUCKING SLEEP!!!
    It’s soul destroying this non sleeping business & I think it’s ok for us to lose our minds every now & then.
    I got no advice except STAY OFF GOOGLE xxx

    • Duly noted. And you forgot: EAT CARBS. Are you still rocking the exercise thing?!

      • Carbs help 100% !!!
        And yeah, I’m still sweating away 4 days a week. It feels hard but good. Except this week because on Sunday I thought it’d be a good idea to try & ride my teenagers new motorbike. It wasn’t a good idea at all. I have bruises on both legs, cuts all up one arm & one leg has cuts & a big ass burn. Bad, bad idea. As my kid said ” maybe just stick to cooking mum you’re good at that”.

  22. Oh no. My heart goes out to you on that sleep thing. Please don’t hate me but I am so relieved to have a fairly good sleeper because my tolerance levels range from “Oh FUCK OFF” to SCREAMING ASSHOLE when I’m tired or my kid has a regression.
    I really hope all of this passes for you sooner rather than later xoxo

  23. The only thing that kept me sane with 3 kids under three was that they slept. (well, that and wine) Whenever they were awake they were hard bloody work. I didn’t want to see children after 7.30pm even if they were ‘playing nicely’. Ha. My granddaughter goes to sleep with the iPad on youtube playing ‘The Bangles Eternal Flame’. Who cares, whatever works. She can find repeat at 18 months!

  24. I’m in my own bed right now – because I’ve taught my 9 mnth old to ONLY fall asleep in my arms, in my bed, because even though I put him in his cot, I’ve taught him to call out, cry, sob then scream & Mummy will eventually pick him up, even though I haven’t left his room, I haven’t even moved away from the cot! I am SO bad at sleeping & children. I have two others similar ages to your elder two & yes there are sleep/bedtime issues there also. I had a mini tanti this afternoon also. But you know what? There are other parenting things that I think I’m ok at – & that is what gets me through. The ying & yang of parenting

  25. Can I say firstly how I love that I am not the only one that throws adult tantrums. I agree with you 1000% re: being woken before midnight. I lose my shiz. I too have a non sleeping child who around 10-11 month mark started needing me constantly to help her sleep and one night I lost it big time, took off in the car to my local maccas and demanded a chocolate sundae with a flake (because it was 1am and the bottle-o was long shut). The maccas team member very politely replied that the soft serve machine was down for cleaning and I dropped a big ‘are you f^%^*ing kidding me’ back at him. Not my finest hour but that’s what sleep deprivation can do.
    While at almost 3, she still creeps into our bed, every damn night, I figure that there ain’t no 15 year olds that sleep with their parents so, like many other things with kids, this too shall pass but in the cold of the night it just doesn’t seem so.
    I’m hoping that I don’t repeat any of the traps that we fell into with her with my now 3 month old but if I have learnt anything from the kidz biz is that there is very few things that should only be done one way, and that you should parent how you want to parent and look forward to the first coffee in the morning and that first wine at night. Xx

  26. We went from having daughter who always could and still does (At 19) sleep for Australia, to son with ASD who is the worst sleeper ever and due to our crap parenting skills now sleeps in my bed with hubby and I sleep in “his” bed. It sux and we don’t know how to fix it ?
    I hope your Harper and Maggie turn the corner soon xx

  27. Katie Elliott says

    Thank goodness it isn’t just me. Glandular fever, broken arm (me), very sick still breastfeeding baby (same age as Maggie).Not a whole lotta sleep and I seem to completely flip out on the days my poor husband is home so he cops it. Table flipping galore. He took Miles next door for an hour yesterday. I had a cup of tea and vacuumed in peace. Aaaaand start all over again. *sigh* Glad I am not the only one flipping out.

  28. Hi!! Just thought I’d let you know that all three of my children sleep in my room. One in the bed and two on mattresses. If I didn’t let them sleep in my room I would be mental from lack of sleep, but all that is important at the end of the day is that everyone is happy and having a good nights sleep so that’s how we do it. Deep down I kinda love that we’re all together (hubby too!) and I have such a nice sleep knowing that everyone is sleeping well and is happy. Otherwise I’d be up 500272 times a night and tailgate would be awful!! I thi k a lot of parents put so much pressure on themselves and their kids that they are supposed to sleep all night through, alone in their beds. If you really think about it it’s just not a realistic expectation especially for very young children. I do t know it’s just how we roll in this house all sleeping together. Good luck, hope you get some good sleep soon. For the record my kids are 5months, three and six. My six year old is by far the worst sleeper of them all.

  29. Yes Beth this will pass and no you wont be 17 rocking Mags to sleep – but you already know this. BIG LOVE and HUGS
    Oh and don’t you just love our mothers for those type of comments – IF I KNEW THE ANSWER – I would have solved that one!!
    I tell myself when I become a Grandma (hopefully 25yrs away yet) I won’t make those type of comments to my daughter. Heres hoping xoxo

  30. To give you a rough idea how great things have been here lately I was so discombobulated this morning I sent my daughter to school. She rang me from the station at the top of our road to tell me a teacher driving by had pulled over & told her today was a pupil free day & she was on her way back down the road. Counting down until tomorrow.

    • How good is it that you can recover from a traumatic morning to tell this story while weaving in a word like ‘discombobulated’.

      Funnily enough I heard that very word in Sunday night’s series final of The Night Manager and thought I should try and use it.

      Thanks for sharing your tale – it made me laugh. Hope tomorrow is a winner for you!

    • Oh Heidi!

  31. Looking at your comments you are not alone! Our now 8 year old didn’t sleep for her first year. I understand why they use sleep deprivation as a torturous!

    We ended up calling a fabulous midwife call Chris Minogue. Sophie slept through within 3 nights and is now a fabulous sleeper. I don’t know what she charges now but he fee for a cup of tea and solid advice in our dining room was worth every cent. We were looking at $3k for someone to sleep over and settle her. Chris now has a book out! She is an angel.

    Hang in there. It will change. Just not in the timeframe you are hoping for perhaps.

  32. Beth Darl, it is what it is I have those kinds of sleepers too, you are an awesome mum and you make me laugh, thanks for being you, for being so honest and for making me feel normal, I too can throw a tantrum x

  33. I really feel for you on both fronts – the lack of sleep AND the post tantrum guilt trip that you’re probably putting yourself through. I always feel terrible after I have a blow up.

    I often find change of season / temperature can bring disturbed sleep patterns. I hope it’s temporary for you.

  34. Beth, do the big girls share a room or sleep alone? I remember my sisters and I were much happier sharing, it made it not so scary waking in the night and not being alone. My own daughter also went thru this and she told me once that she was lonely (broke my heart, no sisters for her to share with). Happy to report it did come to a blessed end!

    And Mags probably has FOMO 😀

  35. Putting my hand up to an 11 year old, that failed “sleep school” twice, still wakes and gets in my bed. I seriously hope this doesn’t continue into adulthood as he’s as tall as I am currently! Sorry, I’m not the one to come to for sleep advice.

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