Marriage: 10 years on

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It was a beautiful Autumn day just like it today 10 years ago when Rob and I were married on the lawn in front of his Dad’s house at the farm on Easter Saturday 10 years ago today. The sun was shining, the boys kilts blowing in the gentle breeze, my bouquet of wild daisies and flowers pretty in the sunshine. We had all our friends and family with drink in hand while we stood there are promised to love each other from that day forward and they cheered on as we kissed, the bagpiper belting out a tune which rolled down the Macleay River. It was such a great afternoon and evening…full of so much fun and promise ahead of us. Hand in hand off we went into our marriage.

This morning 10 years on we woke to a dark cool morning to the sounds of an alarm clock, the news on 702 and those of the girls in their bedroom whispering and playing Β with the light on, the snores of the dog nearby. I felt the kicks of our unborn child, and reached out across to the familiar, my Rob. Of course he instantly put on a bad song to commemorate the day – maybe it was the Beatles, or something cheesier like Air Supply. We laughed and laughed over our cards that we choose, exchanged gifts.

10 years huh? It seems like a big deal, maybe because it is. I’d like to think that something a bit further along might be, but maybe today 10 years counts for something? I wonder what I’d tell the both of us on that day 10 years ago? I remember giving my little sister some advice in a speech at her wedding which was 4 years ago today (Happy Anni Luce & Chrissy!) about what being married is like. About what’s important. About how it’s not about romance or sex, but stuff far more mundane and unexciting. I think the first 10 years of a marriage can bring so much – careers made or changed, decisions to have children, or try to, heartbreak over not being able to, lost babies or if you are lucky enough, a chance to witness a whole new person into this world that’s made up of both of you. It’s about moving house, buying houses, saving money, paying bills, some travel if you are lucky, about ageing parents, making big grown up decisions for the future. It’s a busy time.

For me, these 10 years have been about patience and support for each other as we navigate our way through all this grown up stuff. It’s been about laughter and having a sense of humour, because shit, if you don’t laugh sometimes, you’ll just cry. It’s about still finding time for each other, even if it’s just a stolen moment of love between each other over a screaming toddler on the ground, a back rub as you cry overtired tears of frustration because the baby won’t sleep. A drink together on the verandah as you watch the sun set over your garden. It’s not glamorous, or exciting, but it’s marriage in the trenches with young kids.

This week I have learnt so many things about love. A timely reminder no doubts as I celebrate this milestone today. On Wednesday I saw a heartbroken husband cry tears of despair and disbelief as he recounted watching life disappear before his very eyes from his beautiful wife. I saw Rob’s Uncle yesterday help his beautiful wife in a nursing home (well before her time) who is suffering from a cruel and unimaginable illness that has sucked the very life from her body while her mind stays active and alive. Saw him hold her hand, speak words of love and kindness to her, her eyes pleading with acknowledgment and love, despite being trapped in a body that no longer works.

Maybe that’s what marriage is.

It’s sticking to the promises that are made in front of people that we love and following through on them. Despite it not being easy, or glamorous. It’s hard bloody work but we wouldn’t have it any other way because they are the ones we have been lucky even to find. And we love them. Despite everything, we love them.

Rob is all those things to me. A great husband and Dad. Someone I still find so handsome who floats my boat. A kind and patient man who loves me, despite everything we’ve been through, all those 2am arguments, accusations of mundane life chore tallies, all of it. I’m excited about the next 10 years, the 10 after that, all the 10’s we are lucky enough to get to spend together. I still can’t believe I got so lucky, believe me every SINGLE day I count my blessings for I now how lucky I am. I’m happily married, to a great man, and that’s just about all a girl like me could wish for.

Happy Anniversary Rob. I love you, I’ll shout it to the world despite your quiet ways. Thank you for loving me and making me so happy. Every. Single. Day. Whether we get one more month together or 50 more years I will continue to hold your hand and remember those promises, and continue to have fun x

Comments

  1. I have tears. A beautiful account of the reality of married life. Happy anniversary to you both.

  2. Beth, you write so beautifully, My eyes are leaking !

  3. 10 years definitely a big deal! Congratulations!

    And BTW, I love Air Supply! Have a great day x

  4. Congratulations! Happy anniversary. On this day 33 years ago my baby sister was born. I was 13 years old & beyond excited, she was my first sibling. Another sister arrived 2 years later but after so many years of wanting a brother or sister I was beside myself with joy when my first baby sister arrived πŸ™‚

  5. So very beautiful – just like the two of years. Many congratulations x

  6. Beautifully said! Tears to my eyes. I’m getting married in six months time and your words resonate with me. Congratulations on the milestone and all you have achieved together. X

  7. Beth, you make my eyes leak with your beautiful posts. Especially as my daughter gets married this Saturday at Milton (after 11 yrs with her partner). I too was married at Easter but some 44 yrs ago after a whirlwind romance that caused a few raised eyebrows and comments ( was I pregnant etc etc, no I wasn’t, just madly in love) plus my son and his wife celebrate 17 yrs of marriage the day after our anniversary. So life certainly is good.
    Happy happy 10th Anniversary and may you and Rob share many more years of laughter, tears, birthdays and all the ups and downs that come with the best of marriages.

  8. Catherine says

    My god Beth, your writing is unbelievably beautiful. Happy anniversary

  9. Happy Anniversary! We’re 12 years on Sunday – 12 of the best years of my life. You absolutely nailed what marriage is, or should be, for the lucky ones. Keep on having fun.

  10. Happy Anniversary, we truly are the lucky ones.. Mundane as life can be and as u exciting as marriage can seem compared to this splaying the field I love it and wouldn’t want anything else.
    A good man is what makes that so and it is clear you have that in Rob x

  11. It will be our 9th anniversary later this year. We have done such hard yards – four miscarriages, my breast cancer and recently my father’s death – but we are still together, and still love each other with a quiet certainty that makes it possible to get through all the awful stuff.

  12. Good on you! Marriage isn’t easy but neither is life, and I would rather have my hubby by my side through all that life dishes up. You two are lucky ones, but hey, I think you deserve it too.
    Congrats on ten years together.

  13. Beth, this is just beautiful. Hubby and I are approaching our first anni, and this is such a lovely, heartfelt account of what’s in store for us. The simple things really are the best things, aren’t they? And an ordinary life well lived truly is extraordinary. Enjoy your special day and thanks for writing so beautifully. xx

  14. Beautifully said Beth. Made me tear up! And I had to send it to my partner. Even though she and I aren’t allowed to get married by law by your definitions we already are and that suites me just fine. Raising our 13 month old baby together and all of the other stuff our four year have given us.
    Happy Anniversay Beth and Rob. Thank you for sharing some it with us. Xx

    • How gorgeous Kristine…I hope one day soon you guys will be able to get married too. A ridiculous thing to still overcome in this day and age. All the best to you and your lovely partner x

  15. Such beautiful words and so true Beth. Congratulations on 10 years. 5 months after our 1st date we were married. In 2 weeks we will celebrate 27 years and I still count my blessings.

  16. Congratulations you two love birds!! You’re one year up on me and my darling – and the sentiments nail exactly how I feel about him. Oh so bloody lucky to find him and have him in my life. Hugs to you two, keep enjoying what life throws your way. Big hugs and love from here xx

  17. I too feel SO grateful to have someone such as my hubby, he loves me warts and all and I him. I love Daisy’s card – so cute. Happy anniversary!

  18. Congratulations! I don’t know if I really believe in marriage but I definitely love a partnership, because when you’re with the right person, life is just easier and better. Wishing you many more years together. x

  19. Nice post, Beth. Congratulations.

  20. Congratulations Beth. You’ve described beautifully the realities of marriage. Looking forward to sharing your words with my beautiful ray of sunshine that I’ve been very fortunate to call my husband for the past 8 years. Xx

  21. Congratulations Beth, great words on marriage for us all to remember! x

  22. That’s beautiful. Congratulations x

  23. Fiona Guglielmi says

    Oh Beth you have perfectly described marriage, we have been married for 12 years this year and have endured the death of a parent, a miscarriage and my cancer battle. It is all the little things that make a great marriage, cheers to you and Rob. Happy Anniversary.

  24. Lisa Mckenzie says

    Beth I love what you have written it is all so true! Happy tenth Anniversary to you both Xx

  25. You are both blessed. Happy Anniversary Lovers. Jx
    P.S… this is such a wonderful love letter.

  26. Yeah I’m crying. That last paragraph is SO lovely! Happy days to you both xx

  27. A beautiful piece of writing. Happy anniversary to you and to my lovely parents who are celebrating 60 years today.

  28. this is so poignant beth!
    congratulations!
    enjoy! love m:)X

  29. When it comes to marriage, one quote always springs to mind…
    “Love one another and you will be happy. It’s as simple and as difficult as that.” – Michael Leunig
    …may your life together be long and happy and simple and difficult and full of love. x

  30. Debs Sutton says

    Yes, yes,yes, that is just like the road that marriage takes Beth. I was just 21 when Ray & I got married ( he was 31) but boy did I choose well! A kind, patient, generous man who has allowed me to grow & mature & let me make my own mistakes but never been judgemental. Different challenges are starting for us now as we get older, but I know that they will be dealt as always by being shoulder to shoulder. This year we will celebrate 35yrs!!!!
    Happy Anniversary To You Both.
    xxxxx

  31. Beautifuly written! Happy anniversary and many more to come! x

  32. Beautiful and wise words. Congratulations! What a beautiful life and family you’ve created!
    We were married just a week after you and in one way if feels like 10 minutes ago and in another 100 years.

    Enjoy your day and another 60 years of marriage!

  33. That’s beautiful Beth! Such a wonderful description of marriage and what it’s really like. We’re only 18 months in so we have quite a way to go, but enjoying every day of it!

  34. Definitely a BIG deal. And you summed it ip perfectly here Beth!
    Congrats you two!
    We hit the big TEN this September. And today while I was packing {we move house in 2 days} I came across the large box that holds my wedding dress. I couldn’t resist – I had to open it. Probably the first time I’ve looked in that box since it was dry-cleaned and sealed away ten years ago! It hit me hard when I saw that dress – TEN YEARS is a big deal. And just like you Beth, I count my blessings and thank the Love-Gods every day for making me one lucky lady!
    But wit all that said – luck put aside…marriage is hard bloody work. And I love that YOU acknowledge that!
    Mwah. Happy anniversary Guys! I’m actually sipping a champers now…..so I’ll raise my glass to you both.
    Cx

  35. Well done on 10 years!!! Hope you had a lovely day. Here’s to the next 10. x

  36. 30 years for us now and I think I’ll send this on to our kids, our eldest son got married 3 weeks ago and our daughter gets married in 3 weeks time! Busy times but so much love around

  37. What a gorgeous account of what marriage really is. Ten years is certainly a big deal. Dance, sing and shout it out from the rooftops. We will be celebrating our 17th anniversary later this year and boy has it flown. So much has happened, we have shared wonderful highs and at times devastating lows but together we have held each other up and got through what felt impossible at the time. We have been blessed with two beautiful children and like you everyday I pinch myself at how lucky I was to have found my gorgeous hunk of a spunk all those years ago.

  38. Beautiful. Congratulations x

  39. It’s so nice to hear someone celebrate the small victories of marriage – the mundane and annoying shit that happens every day. Thank you for voicing what I have long suspected is the true reason for ‘successful’ marriages.
    <3
    Pia

  40. A belated Happy Aniiversary! I too am catching up on all of my email this week…in the middle of packing and moving homes, must be certifiable to be moving again. Just wanted to say that I love your posts and how honest you are about life and the ups and downs of it. I’m not even preggers and they all have brought me tears and smiles. Hope you have a lovely week and that your post Easter OB check wasn’t so bad;)

  41. Hi Beth
    Just reading this anniversary post for the first time (newish reader of your blog)
    Your wedding anniversary date is my birthday! A great date!! I was born on Easter Sunday in fact!
    We will celebrate my birthday/your wedding anniversary next year on Easter Saturday..
    Keep up the great blog. A very enjoyable read πŸ™‚

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