Slow days, tears and stars

How are you going guys? We are nearing the end of our second week of school holidays that all seem to blend into one. The days have been slow and yet I’m now wondering how on earth we go back to home schooling next week and that routine? It’s only been 4 weeks of this strange new world and yet it seems like months and months doesn’t it? God it’s a weird time.

I spend a few hours each day working on the shop and packing orders, going to the post office and the tip occasionally when my car gets so filled with empty boxes, the others stay home, Rob broke his foot a few months ago (only found out about the factor 4 weeks ago and so is wearing a moon boot. No better time for that to happen right? But it means that he can’t really walk anywhere, drive anywhere, leave the house for anything which is both good and bad (I think he may be losing his mind though). Each days blends into the same as we follow the new routines that we have (for me always with a drink at 4pm) lots of good homecooked meals and dinner around the table early. Maybe things aren’t that much different for us at all – we pretty much live like this normally except for the busyness of after school activities and running around. I have been trying to get my wuns (walk/run) in most days – it’s so important for my mental health to have time for me doing something purely for me. I hope I can still squeeze it in when the girls are back at school next week.

I’ve been trying to find some time for it to be different that normal with some reading in the day or SOMETHING to make it feel like school holidays, but it’s been hard. I have a few days left and so I am going to really focus on that: reading, sitting in the sun, taking some time to be quiet and slow, why is it so hard for mums? Well me? Why can’t I find time for naps? Never going to happen…

Last week we decided to do a little outdoor camping in the backyard – Rob put up some tents, we lit the fire pit and even though I cooked dinner in the kitchen it was still good to sit out under the stars and have a natter and a laugh with the big girls.

I was saying to Rob when we were sitting outside just the two of us how much this time at home, slower, being together has made me miss his Dad and sit in our grief. I have cried more over the past two weeks than I probably had in the last 2 months, whether it’s when I am walking on my morning wun (Oh my god I cry during those) or looking at the light as I drive in the afternoon, around the Easter table, or at night – whatever it is it’s been a chance to really feel sad – I suppose when the world feels sad too it comes easier. Whatever the case, there have been many tears shed these past weeks. I am so glad that he’s not having to see this world we are in in his compromised health state, I’m glad we didn’t have to be away from him in the last few months of his life. So on and so on…

So there’s been tears for the world, the people suffering, the people on the frontline, for our kids, for not seeing our family, for ourselves in our own silly ways, for grief, for frustration, for joy in these simple times. These are strange times friends, be kind to yourselves ok? And by friends, I mean me, I am much easier at giving advice to you than me x


  1. I completely understand your feeling… It’s not easy the lockdown especially with kids . And above that I work in the frontline …covid 19 unit …we work more than ever ….take care !

  2. Hi Beth,

    Well I understand you …lots of tears also here , homeschooling with a 13 years old and a 10 years old with disabilities…I work in healthcare in the frontline by covid 19 unit …long days work more than ever …plz take care

  3. I’m the same Beth, much easier at being kinder & giving advice to others than I am to myself. But I have found that during these weird times I’ve been able to go slower than I would normally. I’ve felt the need to always be productive isn’t as full on. And that feels good.
    Hang in there Beth. Cry when you need to. Drink when you need to. Both are good for you right now x

  4. So much emotion in your words and photos.
    Be very kind to yourself, you’ve never been in this situation everything is new and unknown, kindness is the greatest gift you can give to yourself first and then to others.
    I wish I could cry, I have so much sadness and emotion just under the surface, some for now but also some from long ago grief that hasn’t been dealt with, I’m yet to find somewhere I feel safe enough to let it out.
    Take care
    Cheers Kate

  5. So much sadness around. We are lucky to still have work, for now anyway. To be healthy and have a roof over our heads. I worry so much and find news reports scary. I am frustrated towards people that just won’t do as they are asked, but sadly I can’t do anything about it. I miss not seeing our kids, but the sooner we all do as asked, the sooner we cant get back to some normality, although it maybe a different normal. I am so lucky our kids are adults, it would be a tough gig schooling them atm, I take my hat off to all those that are doing it. It will get better, it has to. X

  6. The days are running together in a strange way, even for me, now staying home and working at home, working ‘as usual’ in these unusual times feels really foreign and strangely like it has always been this way.

    I love that you camped out in the backyard with the girls. That’s the stuff of memories – remember during the pandemic when we camped in the backyard?

    Hang on Beth, keep walking and letting the tears flow.

  7. When life goes back to normal and we are in the thick of school drop off, pick ups, after school sports, school events, birthday parties, rushing everywhere all of the time, I like to think I will miss these slow days where we had nothing to do, nowhere to be, no fomo and we were just all safe at home together. Even in 20 years time I think I will look back on this as special (while enforced) family time.

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