Itchy bum {head}

My youngest child, aged 2, just called me a Bum head. Charming. To look at, my children appear to be sweet little girls, {mostly} well behaved and polite. But there’s just so much more to them than that. There’s the not listening. The screaming at me, to each other. The hair pulling and dead set punching each other. Parenting books don’t prepare you for that. Or the fights you have over brushing their bloody hair every. Single. Day. Or the hair washing. Or fights over outfits. Or the worms.

I have only just woken up to the notion of the itchy bum. I know! Where have I been? In fact last month I knew I was a “proper parent” when I purchased the holy trinity of chemist goods: Lice treatment, Combantrin AND Canesten for RING WORM. I swear I am hygienic! I wrote on Facebook last night that my highlight of the day yesterday was giving the girls a square of chocolate each and having Daisy declare how it was “real chocolate! And not worm chocolate!” Can’t say I don’t spoil my kids…

Just look at those Happy suckers! They look like some fun worms!

My Mother to this DAY will still tell me how she used to check if we had worms, back in the day. Apparently in the 80’s is was de rigueur to shine a torch up your bum while you were asleep?! I KNOW. Worse still, she mentioned another technique to me. She used to put STICKY TAPE OVER OUR ARSEHOLES and would wait to see if the worms would stick to it.

I’ll leave that one with you for a moment shall I?
Yuh huh.

Why she wouldn’t just pop us a chocolate square I do NOT know. Cheap maybe? She did have 4 kids I suppose. It seems outrageously covert and undercover and, I don’t know, SENSELESS.

I see a slight itch in the area, a slight change of mood, irritation and imma popping those chocolate squares for us all! Hear that Grandma? CRAZY! I’m not a fan of the taste – seems a little chalky to me – and I am not a fan of the sheer amount of squares that I have to roll for my body weight. That and the cost. But I’ll take them any day over some freaking sticky TAPE.

So tell me, how often do you roll the chocolate squares in your house? Do you feel like an embarrassed teenager buying tampons or condoms in the chemist when you whack them up on the bench? What WAS my mother thinking?

This is not a Sponsored post but I would be more than happy to receive payment in wormy chocolate squares. In fact, that would be a giveaway everyone would love right? That shit is expensive.


  1. i saw your fb post last night and honestly it took me AGES to figure out what on earth worm chocolate was… it was the comments on your post that helped me figure it out!! haha

    this is how far removed i am from the world of ‘children’ – i thought worms were an URBAN MYTH!! i swear. up there with your grandma walking to school without shoes in the snow…

  2. OMFG. Sticky tape. Bum.

    You made me snort laugh on a crowded train.

    Must say, either my kids are super clean (yeah right!) or I’ve been in the dark about bum worms, I feel like a bad parent – so knight it’s bend over kids as I whip out the torch.

    See? Blogging is edumacational!!

    Gabs x

  3. Okay so i actually DID snort coffee out of my nose/mouth onto my keyboard and am now ta tap tapping away on sticky lettersha ha ha….
    Ive heard some horris stories about luring them out.. I can’t even bring myself to type any more.. Pop a chocolate square I say, to everyone… Now ive got the heebie jeebies!!!


  4. Oh yes, I remember my mum checking for worms. Deeeelightful!
    We haven’t rolled the chocolate squares here yet. Yet. I’m now starting to think we have to. We have rolled lice treatment though.
    The other day one of our friends said to Lil: “There’s something on your head,” She replied: “Yeah, I know. NITS!” How’s that for a party pleaser?!

    I would so enter the Combantrim giveaway. Actually it would make a bloody good sponsored post. I hope they’re listening.

  5. This is hilarious Beth. Only last night one of my girls asked if we could have those chocolate squares again – you know Mum the ones that will stop us from getting sick. We had them here 6 weeks ago much to my horror and it caused great laughter as I remembered when we were kids my brother had them and Mum and Dad felt so bad for him they took him to Kmart and bought him presents – there were no presents in this house for our little wormer! I told my husband after seeing them last time that worming was going to become a regular part of our routine – how often IS too often?

  6. I’ve never done worm checks on my kids or given them worm chocolate – could this explain their behaviour?? Does it help?? Will it stop them screaming at me when I brush their hair?

  7. A chemist in Moss Vale offered me their own-brand treatment – little orange tablets (squished into a teaspoon of honey for the littles), much cheaper, one per person regardless of size, worked a treat. Though she did ask me with morbid curiosity how we got worms, which left me feeling like we had a rare tropical disease or something. Glad to hear it’s not just us… 😉

  8. Anonymous says

    We had a big family block of the stuff this week. I don’t mind giving Miss2 two squares whenever she feels like it, but the blocks of it I go through myself? Not so much. Don’t mind the taste. Last year I went choc free for a whole year, so this was the closest I ever got to the real stuff! 🙂 Shelley.

  9. I worm the whole house every school holidays. (I do the dogs at the same time. Do you know there is worm chocolate for dogs? My only advice would be not to muddle the two up.)

    Lice I do on an as needed basis.

    I can remember being given chalky orange medicine for worms as a kids. It was truly revolting.

  10. Literally reading this as I wait at a doctor’s clinic because I’m convinced Max has worms.

    Being the awesome Mum/Nurse that I am, I thought the fact that he was dragging his arse on the ground back & forth was just this cute little baby thing he had learnt.

    Then my MIL said, Cherie, that’s not cute, that’s worms.

    And just like that, in one split second, I felt like a complete moron.

    Sometimes my intellect astounds even me.

    Your Mum however, with the sticky tape, that is … exactly how I needed to laugh today.

    Thankyou for delivering. Consistently x

  11. Holy mackerel I’ve never wormed my kids in my life! Is it a NSW thing? I don’t think I’ve ever been wormed either? A whole new world.

  12. I love the chocolate squares. I probably give them to the girls every 2 months. They are animal lovers and I am always assuming the girls are riddled with worms. We have avoided lice and ring worm so far but I’m sure we will get our turn soon. Rachel

  13. As soon as you mentioned the word ‘lice’ my head started itching like crazy ….

  14. Gosh I wish my would call me bum head. Last week as he walked off in a huff I heard him call me a ” friggin retard”. Didn’t he get the fright of his life at how fast I moved from the kitchen! Needless to say he won’t be calling me that in a hurry again. Losing all electrical devices will make a kid think.

    As for worming I do it every 6 months. My kids hate it & carry on like fools but when I tell them that they can either take it or let worms stick out their butts at night they chew the chocolate! As the eldest of 6 kids I look back & feel sorry for my mum having to keep us all lice & worm free- it couldn’t have been cheap!

  15. Oh, wow, this made me laugh! I grew up in the eighties but alas I don’t recall an such covert sticky tape happenings. And I’m just a little bit thankful for that!

    You know I hadn’t even added worms to my list of weird and gross things to look out for with my toddler. But there it is now. My local chemist will thank you.

    x laura

  16. I defo remember the torch, but I think the tape might’ve been unique to your dear mum.


  17. Yep, every school holidays we are off to the chemist for the worm chocolate. I haven’t done it this holiday, so might be there today, it has been on my mind. My 5 yo can’t sit still, this might just fix that!!
    Note to combantrim: a years supply would be a great give away. Make some Mums very happy!

  18. I’m with you Jo, I have never been wormed nor have I wormed my kids! Maybe I should!! Off to the chemist we go lol

  19. My mum used to say to me as a kid, don’t bite your nails or you will get worms. I honestly believe that the nail trimmings that I ingested turned into the actual worms. We always had worms as kids. Terrible if you have a shy personality and were too embarrassed to talk to your mum about your torture. Although I do remember the disgusting medicine that we had to take…ugh!!!! I would have LOVED worm chocolate. (I laugh Everytime I think about your post yesterday…classy!) Lol!!!

    I have four kids and one thing I can tell you Beth….as they get older worms kind of become a thing of the past. Oh and btw, I too remember a time when I had to slink up to the chemist counter to purchase tampons, worm meds and anti fungal cream. It still makes me shudder.

  20. We had to worm ALOT last year but only twice so far this year because the kid I suspect was passing them on left the school! I have actually seen them crawling out his bum because we went to emergency (for something else) and they had a look up there with a strong light. Far out it was horrible, little white things that inch there way around. Poor little guy.

  21. Just read this to my husband who was born in ’65 so a little older than me, but he just shared who his mum used a bent bobby pin to ‘fish’ them out of her 4 kids!!!
    Thanks for writing such a funny post- got my first laugh of the day!

  22. Just read this to my husband who was born in ’65 so a little older than me, but he just shared who his mum used a bent bobby pin to ‘fish’ them out of her 4 kids!!!
    Thanks for writing such a funny post- got my first laugh of the day!

  23. Quick question Beth – did you worm yourself!!!! My kids, dogs, cats and husband all get done every 3 months! Those suckers are not going to crawl anywhere in our house! Remember to do yourself – don’t sticky tape just commit and take the chocolate!!!

  24. Like a couple of others here I never wormed my children nor had anything myself. I remember other mums at the canteen being horrified at my admission.

    I have qualifications in agriculture among other areas so know the yucky details but many used to worm their kids regularly, some every month.

  25. Anonymous says

    Torch and Tape here. My mum did it and so do I.

  26. We are becoming blase about the whole worming issue at Chez ‘Abulous. The first time we spied creepy crawlies in our five year old’s nether regions we treated the incident like a nuclear leakage. Bedding was washed in hot water, kids were bathed separately and we even called in the steam cleaner. I explained to him in hushed tones that we’d had a worm outbreak. Now we just break open the Combantrim like its a Cadbury’s family block.
    Whilst worms are gross, there is an upside. It’s the best motivation we’ve had to get our five year old to wash her hands and use utensils at mealtimes.
    Mumabulous @

  27. Ah, sticky tape on bumholes, once again blogging GOLD.

    God I love you.

  28. This post has confirmed I’m not crazy. Growing up I remember taking the dreaded orange tablets (you’re right, they are chalky!) but you just grow out of it, never thinking of worms again really.
    Then last year we spent some time with friends & their kids and when we returned home the parents informed us the kids had a good case of the wormies. Just as a pre-caution I went to get the tablets for myself & husband. The chemist assistance looked at us like we were totally diseased, so I of course tried to justify why we were getting the tablets, only to have him turn around & say that they didn’t stock Combantrin as it’s really a 3rd world issue & no-one in Australia gets worms!!! I kid you not!

  29. LMAO…. Ohhhhh, Yes I think I’d prefer the Choc to the tape.. It IS expensive however.. YO COMBANTRIN, WHERE”S THE ARSE WORM KILLER GIVE AWAY?!

  30. Oh and I did the torch thing but then popped off to the chemist for the chokko blocks.

  31. OMFG I have not laughed that much in a really really long time. I am fucking baffled how one sticks sticky tapes on anyone’s arse – in their sleep, in the dark. And then what… how long does it take for a worm to show up?

    If you’re going the tape – Just don’t mix up the choc worming stuff with the choc laxettes. (do they still even make those… That is my memory of childhood chocolate. sad.) That would be traumatic for all involved.

    I’ve not yet had to check my little one for foreign wrigglies. Am now suitably terrified. I survived childhood without worms and headline.

  32. wait, hold up a second, are you trying to tell me i’m supposed to be taking regular worm chocolate!? i have NEVER heard of this. the thought of sticky tape near my beepop is frightening enough – but really, is this common practice? evidently it must be if the good people of babymacville are commenting so frantically. i’m off to buy myself some worm chocolate, honestly i am stunned.

  33. Hilarious Beth!!! I am yet to deal with worms with our 17 month old… But I have (bad) memories of having to lie over Mum’s lap when I was younger while she picked worms out of my bum WITH HER BARE HANDS!!!!!! No sticky tape for my Mum. She is a tough woman. Oh, and a nurse, so I guess she was used to touching other people’s nether regions. Thank God for worm chocolate I say!

  34. Yes!! They teach that sticky tape trick at pharmacy school. I thought they were all high on something until I had my own two boys and found myself studying their bottoms! Totally get the combatrin that is one tablet each above 2 years. Only so much worm chocolate you can handle.

  35. Combantrim OWE you! There is enough advertising in this here post for a lifetime supply of choccie squares, me thinks! I am sure ar least half your readers will be worming their kids over the weekend…. And just think of all the sticky tape and torch sales!

    My little ones beg me for wormie squares between doses (I fall in to the paranoid camp who worm every 5 mths or so) I just wish I hadn’t told them that they are for worms, I know that shit is going to come out at the least appropriate time!

    Ps – I love your blog Beth, It keeps me sane in my world of two girls of under four. You have a wonderful way of normalising the craziness 😉

  36. This post is hilarious!

    No worms or lice in my house yet, thank goodness. I remember having nits as a kid and it was ghastly. The shampoo, the smell of that shampoo might very well stay with me forever.

    I don’t think I ever had bum worms either, as a kid. I do remember getting ring worm on my leg once and my siblings giving me shit about it.

    I’m off to check the bum bums of my little ones, thanks!


  37. I have bad memories of the worm choc, so I use a different brand it is a teeny tablet no matter what size you are and even the 2 year old takes it easily.

    Pre school was fine, starting school was the beginning of the mega worm infestations here. I’d guess it’s the looking after their own hand washing that does it.

  38. Anonymous says

    We used to call it ‘bum snakes’ and tell our mothers we had ‘snakes in our bum’….. We thought it was funny at the time but looking back…. Actually nah… It’s still funny!

  39. I’ve never given my girls worm treatment. I have shined a torch on their little bums while they were asleep to see if here were any worms, but I’ve never used the tape trick! I thought you only took the treatment if you had them for sure! Plus, I’m too much of a tight arse(pun not intended) to buy the stuff if we don’t need it!

  40. We did the family choc squares last year as a once off at the suggestion of our paediatrician. Turns out the kids didn’t have worms but it was an elimination thing to try and work out what was causing Miss E’s tummy troubles at the time. The paed has 4 kids and he said he gives the family “a good worming” every 6 months.

  41. This post is hysterical…and all the comments too! And reassuring.
    I was HORRIFIED when one of the women I worked with told me her sons had worms and she had to worm the whole family. In the US…at least in New England…we DO NOT have worms. Maybe it is just a climate thing? I had no idea that worms existed in places other than third world countries and here was this woman just talking about worms as if they were as common as flies.
    At least now I know what to do if Baby C gets worms!

  42. Oh my god! Hilarious! Post and comments. But disgusting! I never got worms as a kid. NEVER! My mum never gave us worming stuff and never looked in our arses.

    I remember a girl I went to high school with telling me she got worms and her mum picked them out of her bum with her long acrylic nails. GROSS!

    I did get nits 8 times though. Loved it. Best day off school.

    I’m worried about my son now. Oh please, don’t let us get worms. That is just too fucking disgusting to think about.

  43. So have Combantrin contacted you yet? Rofl.

  44. I totally had no idea about this! Man! You deserve a book deal off the back of this Beth. So am I supposed to be worming my smalls as a matter of course? I remain clueless clearly!

  45. We do the bum chocolate about 2 – 4 times a year, my kids think its the best thing ever. I, however want to vomit just thinking about eating that shite. The last time I smartened up and got tablets for the hubby and I, much more pleasant than eating half a packet of bum chocolate. The joys of kiddies!!!

  46. Anonymous says

    This post was great thankyou! Such a proud parenting moment when after an hour of screaming, bath, powder, paw paw cream I realised my 4year old had worms. How did I eventually discover what was causing the problem?……….Iphone torch app.

  47. I always wonder what chemists think when I go in there and buy the random things I need for me/the kids.

    Like the other week. I went to the doctor about the funny round itchy rash things on my boobs. Turns out it was ringworm. Yes, I had ringworm on my boobs. Sigh. I can’t believe I just told you that (especially since I was too embarrassed to even blog about it).

  48. Oh my god – this post and all the comments have given me the biggest belly laugh ever! Thank you, all of yo,u a million times over – hilarious.
    It made me recall a long burried memory of my mum and a late night investigation with a torch from my childhood! Also reminded me my family is probably all over-due for a dose of worm chocolate! Thanks again you are fabulous Beth!

  49. Anonymous says

    De-worming performed after every summer holiday, just before returning to school. And any other time throughout the year if deemed necessary. I never had the indignity of sticky tape or a torch near my bum, my mother was sooooooo conservative!

  50. Anonymous says

    Ok my trifecta was lice treatment, worm treatment and conjunctivitis cream, so woeful, oh yuk, now with teenagers it is about condoms and tampons!

  51. Anonymous says

    Hilarious as always Beth. Who knew a worm post could get such a reaction. I am guilty of the torch in the dead of night trick…..and yes, there were 4. I know, disgusting. Apparently they emerge to lay eggs. And here’s some interesting trivia, the eggs are irredescent in said torch light. Glowing almost. Oh my God. The kids pick them up from school when we’re not there to supervise the hand washing or should I say lack there of. In other news though, I really love your blog & I’m sorry my first ever comment is re worms.

  52. oh chocolate sounds far better than the powdered ?raspberry ?cherry flavoured vile concoction we had to have for threadworms when I was a kid back in the stone ages. we had to be bribed with a rolo afterwards. put me off red fruit flavoured sweets and yogurts for life… *dry heaves*
    thanks (not!) for the memories… 🙂
    Lydia x

  53. OH MY GOD!! hahahaha I am laughing myself silly. I don’t remember ever having them myself (perhaps I have blanked it out)…and now I am considering myself lucky that my kids (now 9 and 11) have never had them…as far as I know…!! Tape? Bobby pin? Torch? hahahaha oh my….gulp

  54. Im too drunk to read through the comments, but I know there is many a catholic offspring who did the same as me and saw the word ‘sticky tape’ and scrolled through. Is that a true medical diagnosis? In my house it was: bend over *rip* and if your arse is still itchy in the morning, well go to the doctors. Hey. Yo. Mum – take me to the fucking doctors, stop feeding me food that the fucking cat has had a go at and maybe this worm thing will subside. sheesh….

  55. OMG, drunkenly scrolling through, I saw the word “bum chocolate” I wish…. pretty sure ours was some painters grade masking tape by the way…. these were hard times. Ya had to use what ya had to use…

  56. Nuthin wrong with a bitta Bum Chocolate..

  57. Anonymous says

    It’s not often I comment anonymously but I need to. Age 30, no kids, I recently found myself with an itchy bum – and yep – worms! Not since I had guinea pigs age 10 have I had worms! I was mortified and wondered how I picked them up . I went to a late night pharmacy and whispered to the pharmacist what I was there for. Gosh it was embarrassing and itchy. .

  58. yeah, so you know when people start talking about head lice, and you instantly feel the fuckers crawling all over your head. Well now I have this crazy, weird crawly feeling in my arse….

  59. My kids have been saying their bums are itchy lately and I thought it was the new loo paper I bought.Eco friendly but non finger proof variety. Must try that ‘special’ kind of chocolate. “They call me Dr Worm, good morning how are you? I’m Dr Worm, I’m interested in things. I’m not a real Dr but I am a real worm, I am an actual worm. I live like a worm. I love to play the drums…” Senseless songs by They Might Be Giants seems fitting on a Sunday night before school goes back.

  60. My 5yr old Kindy girl had weeks of on/off bum itch. It drove me crazy but I felt sorry for her as I had this horrible affliction as a kid and I hated it so much. I use to cry at night when my bum itched and it felt like I had it for weeks on end. The bum choc seems to work for her which is really good but I don’t know how they get it in the first place.

  61. I just did my family over the weekend! I figured it was time after seeing my son pull down his pants to really get in there and give it a good itch, the best part was catching him in the bathroom putting some ‘special’ cream on it. I am thinking he would have only rubbed the vicks on it once!

  62. My mum just confirmed that she shined a torch up our butts too. I am still waiting for a reply about the sticky tape….. my phone has gone ominously quiet.

  63. This made me laugh out loud…too funny. I showed my husband and said he had to read it. We were both laughing at what we have ahead of us – we have a 1yr old!! Thanks for sharing this.

  64. As an early childhood teacher, I have often had to ring the parents of a child in my care to come and collect them for particular reasons and have never had a problem doing so, until the day I had to ring a parent to ask them to come and collect their 2 year old daughter because we had discovered worms in her poo when we had changed her nappy. To say I was mortified in having to make the call is an understatement, so I can only imagine the horror she must have felt to receive it. I did keep the nappy (in a plastic bag, in a lidded ice cream container) to show her, just in case she didnt believe me, but she felt she really didnt need to see the proof and went straight to the chemist after picking up her daughter. That night, I too stopped by the Chemist on my way home, as even though I had scrubbed and scrubbed my hands, I still couldnt shake the ICK factor!

  65. Ok, i may be a little naive…BUT… Are we supposed to be wormed on a regular basis? should i be worming my 3 year old? i am currently freaking out that we all have worms, that is just so gross! Do they crawl out of your bum? where do they go after that!? do i need to fumigate my house!!! SO many questions!!!!

    • Don’t panic Holly! I don’t think so…I am getting some because I have noticed some bottom itching going on…Harper has been eating SO much and has been very irritable…all good indicators. I’d prefer to give it a go and see if it helps! Hope this helps…only worry about it if you have to!

Speak Your Mind