The day my unpainted toenails appeared in Bethenny Frankel’s Insta Stories and other city adventures

You guys, it’s been quite an out of the ordinary 24 hours. You need full and thorough reporting with accompanying photos, so let’s do this.

I picked up my friend Mrs Munro around 2pm yesterday afternoon and headed up the highway to Sydney. We literally did not stop talking the entire time, properly catching up even though we do see each other in between school drops off and life, but to have the time to TALK without interruption, it was heaven. As were the Maccas large fries (OK and cheeseburgers. OK AND 6 pack of nuggies) we got just before we arrived at our digs for the night. That afternoon Autumn sunlight! That Archie Rose G&T that we poured after 4 minutes. SO good. Even with a niggling tooth ache from the root canal the day before.

Apparently I turn into a cast member of Geordie Shore the minute I am away from my family.

I then decided to impress Mrs Munro with my city know-how by ordering us an Uber that arrived after 4 minutes to take us to Newtown for our destination: the book launch of Kerri Sackville’s new book OUT THERE  that I was excited to witness. How clever people are!

But because of our early arrival it meant that there was time for a cocktail. OK, two cocktails. Excellent. Look how gorgeous that face is! Ah the twinkle you get in your eye when you are drinking a cocktail at dinner time back home. Nothing like it!

We then hightailed it down the road to Kerri’s event which was fabulous. Her Q&A with Ben Law was funny and insightful and it was a great chance to catch up with some old stalwarts from the blogging scene of times gone by.

After grabbing our signed books and a good catch up with Kerri we headed down the road to catch up with Kim from Allconsuming and her man Rob at the famous Mary’s that I had heard LOTS about. A cool, gritty, dark & superior burger joint…just the way I like them. I had to grab a snap with this tooth on the way out of course.

I was starting to get a little less fresh as you can see.

And as you will see from my photos of Marys burgers. A little blurry, if you will. Cough.

YOU GUYS THESE BURGERS. Best cheeseburger I have ever had so help me GOD and you know I have had a lot of cheeseburgers all around the world. Get here. Order a cheeseburger with bacon and just be happy. It’s happiness. And that’s not the bottle of Riesling we finished off talking, it was spectacular.

As was this MASH AND GRAVY.

After dinner we jumped back into an Uber, into our pj’s and drank as much water as we could and were in bed by 11.30. Not bad I reckon. I knew I had to get my beauty sleep for what was happening TODAY.

My mate Chantelle from Fat Mum Slim a few weeks ago told me that she was invited to an event for Real Housewives of New York. She text me because she knows I am a super fan and we often text each other pictures of Luanne’s mug shot, or divorce proceedings, whatever takes our fancy. We love this trashy show and we are able to share this mutual love in our safe place together. I was like “GET FUCKED” and she was like “BETH I CAN’T GO” and I was like “GET FUCKED CHANTELLE TELL THEM I WILL GO” and she was like “DONE”. And then before I knew it, I got an email last week asking if I would like to go as their special guest as BETHENNY FRANKEL.

Now, some of you may think I am speaking in another language here, and others of you will be like WHAAAAAAAAAAT the what now. You either get the trash of Real Housewives, or you don’t. It’s a bad reality TV show and I have been watching it for pretty much 10 years. The New York franchise is my favourite, always has been and Bethenny in particular has always been someone I have loved. She’s fiery, smart, savvy and a bit crazy in between. The fact I was going to be in the same room was DEEPLY pleasing.

Now I grabbed my coffee, made Mrs Munro take a snap of me before I left and I literally thought that I would be going into a massive ballroom situation with rows of chairs and a stage etc etc, I wasn’t dressed particularly well, I didn’t even have my toenails painted, and I was feeling less than fresh, shall we say after the drinking efforts the night before.

This was me ready to go into a ballroom filled with “influencers”. I thought it was cool for a country Mum of three who was slightly hungover. Never mind the trotters, they won’t be seen.

I waved Mrs Munro off to do a spot of shopping and headed over to The Langham looking for signs, you know the types you see when you are off on a convention. Nothing to be seen, which was weird. I thought there would be crowds of young things and yet no one to be seen. I didn’t have the invite with me (hung) and so had a strange conversation with reception and got no where. I started to panic, I did not want to leave Bethenny waiting. Then I saw a woman with a clipboard so high tailed it over to her. Strangely enough the list she had only had like 10 names on it…lots of normal names and then BABY MAC. “That’s me!” and I was up the lift.

When I arrived upstairs I was further confused because there was this TINY ROOM.

A beautiful room with SUPERIOR soft furnishings and art works but it was SMALL. Where were the rows of seats? Wasn’t I going to be able to hide? WHAT”S HAPPENING BETH I said to myself as I surveyed the room for the superior breakfast options and what appeared to be a crowd of 8 people all under 25 with designer shoes and handbags busily tapping into their phones.

These young things glanced up at me wondering who and what I was doing there then went back to their phones to discuss other events they had been to and how they had been on a cruise which was “VILE THERE WERE ALL THESE CHILDREN THERE LIKE OMG” and I had a chat with Elle Halliwell who was MC’ing the event and who I knew would give me some answers.

Apparently this was it. “Intimate” was indeed “intimate” and I grabbed a pot of bircher and sat down. Suddenly those toes looked as fresh as my hangover.

Before I knew it, Bethenny swanned in. Teeny, tiny Bethenny who suffers from the same skinny leg/high heel clamper thing that Meghan Markle suffers from too. You guys, LOOK HOW CLOSE SHE WAS TO ME.

I knew that despite my toes, surely she connected with me because we were the only fuckers in the room in their forties including the photographer. She talked about the show, season 10 that is starting now (now streaming on @Hayuau), her show with Frederick, her charity work, business and the like. She was warmer than I expected her to be (but I was so close I could see she actually had goosebumps). I was disappointed by the cool young kids who didn’t even seem to know any of the war stories of RHONY BECAUSE THEY WERE IN PRIMARY SCHOOL and I have been raising kids and drinking wine and watching Real Housewives because it makes me and so many happy. I had a right to be there! My confidence was growing even with my toenails and lack of designer anything. I was obsessed with looking at every bit…so close you guys! Like really looking, it was probably not very cool of me.

Um, casual like, this is ME IN HER STORIES THAT I WATCH LIKE A CRAZY PERSON. YOU CAN HEAR MY LAUGH. I am basically Andy Cohen now.

No one was allowed to ask questions, or ask for a selfie but we had a chance to pose with her on a couch. Natural like. Everyone was a little quiet because we didn’t have approved questions but it was weird not talking so I may have broken the ice saying “Bethenny I feel like we are at Buckingham palace in a state room having a sitting with the Queen. This is FANCY” and she laughed and said “IT IS FANCY!” Guys. We chatted. Ish.

No one else was talking so I went on, asked about drunk Dorinda who she said was terrifying and not pretty and that this season you won’t ever think it’s funny. And then I asked her about pizza. In between everyone getting their “shot”.

Then it was my turn. Be cool Beth, be cool.

YES SHE’S REAL YOU DICKHEAD BE COOL. I mumbled something about “I’m just a daggy Mum” then she said I looked great and then all those 20 year olds tried again to work out who I was  and I got the money shot. DING! DING! DING!

We could basically be in her home in the Hamptons with Brynn and Harps playing in the pool right? Just say right.

And then it was over, she left, everyone went back to their phones and I went straight into the bathroom to debrief with you guys on my Insta stories.

I got in the car, drove my hungover mate home, called some friends in the car on the way home, went and had some more work on the root canal tooth, did the school pick up, dinner, tag teamed with Rob as he left for Sydney, did dance and now this.

WHAT A MASSIVE 24 HOURS.

I’m as exhausted as you guys after reading all this. Ask me anything about it and I will tell you there’s probably lots I have left out, but I’m tired you guys.

And I have some toenails to paint.
You never know who you might run into!

Comments

  1. http://Karen says

    Hahaha that is so funny Beth! And yes I DID notice the unpainted nails LOL

  2. What a fun 24 hours! How good was Kerri’s book launch? I saw you there but was too chicken to come and say hello. Strange but true, I went to an event at The Langham (as a guest of someone else) and sat on a table with a Real Housewife of Sydney. It wasn’t quite as exciting for me because I didn’t know who she was. LOL!

  3. Love Bethenny. She seems equal parts fiery and fragile. I’m a little green right now. Was she good at putting people at ease?

  4. http://Kel says

    Wow Beth just wow! What an amazing 24 surreal hours! Bloody loved this post & legit woke my husband up twice coz I was lolling so much. Even tho we don’t know each other IRL I feel like our love for all things Real Housewives would be enough to make us friends! Definitely feel like you deserve to be in that room with Bethenny more than those youngsters. Those shows have got me thru the last 7 years of motherhood, they’re my not so secret guilty pleasure.

  5. http://Dom says

    So jelly! Love Bethenny! Sucks that you couldn’t ask questions though! That Chantelle is a keeper x

  6. http://Nellie says

    There’s another ten billion reasons to love you in that story Beth.
    Your unpainted toenails and barely disguised glee slay me. I love it. I am certain Bethany (can’t believe you didn’t connect over your name being almost the same…opportunity lost) loved you the mostest. You are the real deal. Way to represent all us RHOF (real housewives over forty). Fist pump 🙂

  7. How good is a chilled OJ when you’re hung, though! I’d have quaffed two.

  8. http://Ami says

    I have no words!!! This is SO AMAZING! On all the levels, with all the feels!! 💖

  9. http://Mel%20G says

    SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!!! 😮

    I kinda love that you didn’t expect it to be quite like that, you didn’t have time to be nerfous. This year’s Snapfish book is a keeper!

  10. http://Heather says

    You are awesome Beth….. Can always count on you for a good chuckle when reading your blog. Keep being you…… you rock!

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