How do you like them apples?


I feel you girlfriend.

There’s this thing that my children do that makes me go bat shit crazy. Well, one of the things at least. They might be having a discussion about something, say, like apples. And Daisy will say that you can eat and apple this way. And Harper may realise that while you can indeed eat the apple that way, that it’s not the usual way that one might eat an apple. Daisy is always a little left of centre with her thinking, Harps a rule stickler (just like her Father) determined to make sure she gets things “right”, and often. So they will fight about the “right” way to eat an apple, screaming at each other that they are right, and just when you think you may lose your mind, Daisy tries to shut down the argument with an “END OF STORY HARPER.” Which infuriates Harper because, it’s not the end of story. It’s just that Daisy wants it to end. And she HAS to have the last word. Every time. EVERY.TIME. As in, it goes against every grain in her being to NOT NOT have the last wordSo the words END OF STORY may be said 7854 times before I start screaming about the END OF THE STORY and everyone is just screaming and exhausted.

I never said I was any good at this parenting business.

In all my years (10 this year if you’re counting) of “Mummy blogging” and being online I’ve seen lots of different voices and people talking about their ways of eating apples. Ways to parent, to eat, to birth, to feed your child, educate your child, craft with your child, cook with your child. Shall I go on? That’s lots of voices, shouting at times about the way they do things, sometimes being controversial and annoying just for the sake of it (bringing traffic to them) sometimes just quietly doing their own thing for themselves, gathering a nice crowd of like minded folk along the way who also like to eat their apples that way. Sometimes people like to purposely go and see those people who eat their apples the way they would NEVER eat their apples because they obviously have a lot of spare time and like to torture themselves by doing something that makes them unhappy. They might go out of their way to comment on these people that infuriate them, yelling at them until they are heard because they have an internet connection and therefore a voice rather than just going about doing things that, you know, might make them happy.

It can be a noisy lounge room at times, with no one being heard and everyone screaming and no tired mother swooping in with cake to distract us all so we can all move the hell along.

I like that their are different ways to eat apples.

And birth children.
And raise children.
And be a good partner.
And eat bread.

Because shit, how boring if we all did things the same way and isn’t it good to learn new things? But like I tell my kids, I’d sometimes like it if we all just used our inside voices as we went about it right? If we stopped, listened and then moved on. Like I try and tell the girls: WALK AWAY if something is making you angry and you know that you won’t be able to make them see YOUR way. Don’t stand and yell at each other.

It’s just apples. Just their apples. Let them eat their apples in their own dumb way if that’s how they choose to eat apples. Eat your apples in your way and if someone REALLY bugs you about their way, try and avoid them. Even though it’s so easy to check in on those annoying apple eaters, just let them be. We have access to SO much information now, more than we ever did before, so much noise and I think it’s very important to be selective with what we look at. Just because it’s there, doesn’t mean we have to look at it. You know?

But like parenting, I never said I was any good at this blogging business either. And like I continually try at home, let’s try less screaming, a little more acceptance (even if those weirdo apple eaters are SO stupid) and walk away.

And cake. Cake is always a very good distraction.

Do you ever look at apple eaters that make you crazy just because you can?
Are you good at just finding similar apple eaters and eating together?
How do you like to eat your apples? Cut and peeled? Or whole? Or are you a little confused like me and just want cake now? What? Squirrel!


  1. You know what sours really juicy apples? Screaming about them.
    Just let the apples and the apple eaters be.

  2. Beth, I just sat in a cafe and wrote a diary page (on WordPress but not game to put it out there yet so I still call it a diary) about judgey mcjudgersons. Why does anyone else care about how you run your shit. About how you mourn the loss of someone. About the way you eat your bloody apple. Get on with your own life people. Rant over sorry. Off to eat an apple.

  3. everyone to their own beth! … who gives a toss!
    I don’t love apples, but if I do eat one, it has to be super crisp and more sour than sweet!
    new season! I like a paring knife actually! just saying!
    you could get the girls to write it out of them and put just saying at the end!
    thought for sanity! love m:)X
    my opinion for now but changes pending! xx

  4. Amen. Yes and You go girl!

  5. It is ridiculous that reading about other children fighting makes me feel so much better. Because mine fight. All the time. I sometimes wonder if I should just wear earmuffs and let them go at it like Hunger Games.

  6. Best post everrrr! People need to stop judging and hating. We are all different (thank god) and we only know what we know, and it’s OK to share that. Don’t like it?…keep moving.

  7. Lisa Mckenzie says

    So many ways to eat apples Beth I like mine cut up but now I want cake thank you and yes tell the girls to choose their battles,that is one of my favourite parenting sayings cause some things don’t really matter Xx

  8. I like to eat mine cooked actually. But I also like to observe how other people do things, because I love being exposed to different ways. That’s how I grow and go on adventures that I would otherwise would never have gone on. As I say to my kids, you never stop learning. If you don’t want to read a person’s opinion, don’t read their article !

  9. Beth, you should listen to singer Kasey Musgraves, ‘biscuits’ song on you tube! Sums things up pretty well 🙂

  10. Ha ha, my two toddlers 3.5 and 2 just had a screaming match over whether the 2 year old was a baby or in fact a toddler, I had to walk away! But what infuriates me more is when my partner says ‘end of story’ during an argument, which he does all the time it’s just another way of saying shut up, and no one likes to be told to shut up! I like my apples peeled and cut! Tash x

  11. Michelle Collins says

    I tell my kids, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? I borrowed it from Dr Phi, unfortunately there are a lot of right fighters in the world. Walk away people……….. who’s got the time or the headspace to worry about what everyone else’s doing and how they’re doing it.

  12. The best advice I was ever given was to not step into my kids arguments and let them figure it out themselves that’s part of how they learn negotiation, empathy, tolerance and social interaction from the interactions with siblings and family.
    I can honestly say I have a teenage daughter who gives me no grief whatsoever, and three kids who despite reasonable age gaps between oldest and youngest get along like the best of friends 90% of the time. All of my kids will seek me out once a day just to say “mummy I love you” and go back to their activity. My 11 year old son and 7 year old daughter share a room because they can’t bear to be apart. I am the most unconventional, unorganised and non standard parent you can find and i could not be happier with the wonderful, free thinking, smart, aware and socially responsible children I have somehow not ruined by not cooking, rarely crafting and no routine type parenting that I have engaged in since I gave birth to my oldest and discharged myself from hospital less than 22 hours later figuring I have the instincts I need to be all these children need to be happy, tolerant, self assured individuals. Perfect doesn’t exist but the parenting others engage in is the perfect kind of parenting for that individual.

    • Good advice Ella – sounds like you are doing an amazing job! Letting them figure it out will also help them work on their cage fighting skills which may help them down the line…! I agree that everyone is always doing their best, for their own families, and we’re all doing pretty good I reckon.

  13. @fairview_farmhouse says

    I love this post so much. Secretly also glad that my children are not the only ones yelling at one another saying “do it the proper way!”. Not sure what the proper way is anyhow but thanks for the pep up.

  14. Amen sista!

  15. I don’t even eat apples!!! But I let apples eaters do their thing even though I’m looking at them thinking ” why eat apples when you can eat cake?”

    And you DO know stuff about parenting & blogging. You know the stuff that works for you & your peeps. And you know stuff about stuff that people like me like to know. END OF STORY! xx

  16. Forget apples, I like bananas, and I like to eat the bit called “Satan’s arsehole”, now that Mrs Woog told me it’s a thing and that I should never eat it.
    I also like eating said bananas in public, now that Eden told me I might look a bit rude.

    So now I do both of those things: slow, salicious, consumption of vaguely phallic fruit.

    I’m like that.

  17. Apple cake. That is all ?

  18. Just have your apple and eat it. If you don’t like other people apples, don’t eat them. Just accept that there are many different types of apples and you don’t have to like them all. Just don’t shout at them. Because nobody likes an apple shouter. Now, we’ve got that sorted out. Let’s talk about apple cake!

  19. Yep. Occasionally you’re going to come across someone who eats their apples differently and think LOONY BIN. But intentionally seeking them out? I don’t get it. Well said.

  20. You are a poet, Beth. That’s a compliment. Your use of metaphor is so individual. I really enjoy your posts.

  21. This was genius, I open your posts as soon as they pop in my inbox (you’ve become that long distance friend who even if you don’t talk to in ages you can just pick up where you left off, no I don’t know you but I totally GET you!) and this one I just had to comment. I had this exact day last week, too many voices (real and virtual), too much going on, so I strapped the baby in the carrier, shoved my eldest in her wellies and walked in the forest. In silence. For ages. And do you know? We came home and had apple crumble with smiles on our faces! I’ve decided to be a pick n’ mix parent, no labels needed, just grab on to any old thing that might work for us and so far it’s working and if all else fails, I return to your mantra of baked goods!

  22. Well said. There is enough heart ache and trauma in this world that we cannot control. Why set out to go out of our way to cause further upset. Life is short crazy people go get off the net, stop putting others down and live it!

  23. I agree! I rarely look into posts online which I don’t feel are written by like minded people. I turn to blogs where I hopefully will gain info, insights and to know that I’m not the only stay at home mum loosing my mind!!! In the rare occasion I do enter into these unknown blogs/comments- it shocks and frightens me how some people can be so horrible to those they don’t know! !!
    I often worry and talk to like minded mums about what this never ending tech world will mean for my babies- when they inevitability enter into such an unrestricted forum.

  24. Frankly I just feel like apple cinnamon cake about now …..

  25. Ooh squirrel!

  26. I love this post so much, thank you!

  27. Thank you Beth! This is it!

    A friend recommended your posts when I had just had my first child, a little girl 6 days younger than Maggie. Your posts were a godsend, especially in those early days that were just about surviving day to day.

    Motherhood has been amazing, even the bad and challenging bits. But for the life of me I don’t understand the blood sport of mummy forums. The intensity that all mums must be doing it our way, or its wrong. And by wrong, I mean a crime so bad that your child will grow up to be unhappy, anti- social, unemployable, unloved, etc. The vicious nature and personal attacks are also an eye opener. As well as the people who read certain blogs only to argue and criticise the writer. Who has the time or energy to always be negative?

    Everyone should be able to eat their apples or other fruit in peace.

  28. Wait. Your kids fight?

  29. Today we hit up the farmers markets and bought some delicious apples. My eldest couldn’t resist tucking into one as I finished the shopping. Unfortunately, my youngest can’t quiet manage a whole apple yet and even though he polished off 1/2 a tub of blueberries, an almond croissant, a babycino and an apple juice icy-pole, he still wanted an apple. I had stopped to pick up some eggs when a lovely old man approached me with a knife and asked if he could cut up the apple to give him some. A smile quickly spread across my youngest face.

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