Self. E.

Nothing has gone to plan this week. Nothing. All the things that I was “meant” to get done, haven’t got done. And that’s OK. Who knew? Deadlines have been pushed back. Tears have been cried. AND IT’S OK.

Each and every time I have done something with the blog something else entirely ends up happening. On Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday posts have spilled out that I never even knew were wanting to be written. That’s the beauty of writing isn’t it…the flow and just going with it? It’s one of the only areas of my life where I do this.

Yesterday I had fresh HOT new hair. I tried to take some shots, but none of them were right. I know! THINGS MUST BE BAD IF I CAN’T EVEN TAKE A SELFIE. I attempted to remedy the situation with some shots in the very late afternoon light. On my digital SLR. On manual. With a prime lens on. This is not easy to do…you have no idea what the settings are when you’re not looking though the lens. You don’t know what you are focusing on. You don’t know where the composition is. I wanted some shots of my VERY short undercut and my fresh new colour. What I got? Was something else entirely.

H3 H2 H1 I got me. As I am. Right now. No makeup. Eyebrows that need tending to. Hair on my face that I didn’t even know was there. Just Beth. 35 years old.

The universe is telling me something this week and for the first time, in a very long time, I’m listening. And it’s not pretty, and it’s not something I had scheduled in, and it’s confronting, and there are tears. But it’s real and it’s honest and it just IS what it IS.

It’s time for me to turn off the settings and shoot raw and blind for a while.


  1. You, my dear, are gorgeous.

    I love these raw shots, because that’s what life is 99% of the time.

    I’m sending you an email today. xx

  2. xxxx love you x

  3. Lisa Mckenzie says

    You are lovely Beth,and it doesn’t matter if you don’t like those pics they are REAL hon,I hate selfies ,I always look so old 49 BTW 35 is young and you will look back on these in years to come and say Wow I looked good then!
    You know what some days everything goes according to plan and others Nup,nothing goes right.Just chill and get done what you can and don’t feel guilty if everything doesn’t get done and Look after YOU.

  4. Gen @ Tinyfolk says

    I love this.
    And, you have an excellent face.

  5. marianne - sew paint it says

    did you take a kid to school all ready and excited for new term and then find it was not that day but the next day? No? just me then 🙂

  6. What_Sarah_Did_Next says

    You’re real. Unmanufactured. And that in itself is refreshing. Especially in this day and age of filtering and adjusting and retouching. Be kind to yourself, Beth. Everyone needs to take a step back and decompress once in a while.

    Love lots xx

  7. I think it is one of those years for a lot of people at the moment. My father in law went blind in one eye, my best friends husband left her suddenly, I had an emotional meltdown, my brother in law lost his job!! My mum tells me the only constant is change and that helps me to just ride out the sad days… Self reflection is needed to grow so just sit with the emotions… You will be the upbeat Beth in no time. P.s you look fab 🙂 a little down, But fab.

  8. Kinga CC says

    This is your naturally outlook. Self-acceptance is the key. Everyone has got good and bed days. I look at the picture and I see Beth – energetic, crazy woman.

    I am learning slowly move on your blog.

  9. Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo says

    It’s never convenient when it hits you. That all encompassing blah that you didn’t know you were holding in so damn tight. But when you finally let it wash over you and run its course I promise you, you will be grateful you gave yourself that time.

  10. Andrea Miles says

    Thank you. A big thank you. You have allowed me to be me because you were you.

  11. Beth, I don’t know if you believe in astrology and such things. I remember from last year that your birthday is only days away from mine – a 1977 Leo.

    We’re snakes. This is the year of the snake. We have some skin to shed. By rubbing up against a rock. Not so pleasant. But necessary.

    For sun sign readings, you can’t go past She’s extraordinary. It’s like she’s downloaded my worries and shared them with the world. Her insights at times terrify me, but I find solace in their accuracy.

    I’m with you, in my own crazy way right now. Like all the other Leos in my year at school who are presently losing their shit xxxxx

  12. We have the same colour eyes. SNAP.

    Sometimes you’ve just got to sit back in your saddle and say yep, this is it fellas. Keep running, keep folding those sheets like a champ, light the fire to keep and you’ll get there. Sounds like there’s something in the air at the moment. x

  13. Jane from My Encore Store says

    What beautiful eyes you have, Beth.

  14. You are an inspiration, Beth. The love in your family shines through your blog and is what keeps me coming back. You’re the kind of mother, wife, etc., that I aspire to be so hold your head up …you’re doing alright.

  15. Josephine says

    Respect. Hope it leads to more awesome things. That universe is a tricksy beast.

  16. ahoy.jenni says

    ‘when a fisherman cant go to sea he stays at home and mends his nets’
    That’s from the Runes, and I always remember it when things don’t go the way I planned, I say to myself I am mending my nets 🙂 It helps me feel like I am still doing something important.
    You do look sad! But that’s ok, the worlds greatest poems and literature come from melancholia. We do need it in our lives, it will pass…

  17. I went through something similar last year. After a horrible start to the year one last thing pushed me over the edge and I ended up in tears in front of a business contact the first time I met her. She was very gracious about the whole thing and gave me the best advice.

    Listen to yourself. If you need time out, take it.

    There is no point trying to force yourself quickly through something that is there to be experienced, crappy though it is. Accept it, get through it and move on, life will be good again soon!

  18. usually I would type this sort of thing in very small font, know,. kind of like I was whispering,. but I *can’t* on here. so brackets will have to do. (what is going on at the moment? so many folk I know are just floundering. it feels like the energy of the end of the year but much more manic. it’s confusing and upsetting and really really raw. it feels like you are standing on the edge of a cliff, but when you look down the cliff is only 10cm tall. you feel overwhelmed, but, what exactly, you are not sure. well,..that’s how I feel anyway!) love to you Bethie XX

  19. I’d bang that x

  20. Beth, do you know exactly how much more there is to you than you know?

    So much, hon. xxx

  21. Kym Piez says

    And yet. You’re STILL gorgeous. Love the self.e. x

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