Just like that

You know, right away, when someone is calling you with bad news don’t you? The time of the call, the tone of the voice, and the way your stomach just drops. Like that. Accidents happen. Like that.

Yesterday morning my Mum called me early with some bad news – my beautiful brother in law (the chef extraordinaire) had had a fall Friday night, fractured his skull, was in hospital, had bleeding on his brain, talk of being operated on. I drove up to Sydney as quick as I could to be with my little sis and fam. It was a long day, plenty of time just being a shoulder to cry on, an extra person to help be with him and his pain, someone to keep others updated, distracting her with stupid stories and making her admire my new hot pink nail polish, and just being there. I felt helpless and hopeless, scared and woozy, wishing I could make things better and pondering how peoples lives can be changed in just one moment.

He’s doing well. As far as head injuries go, his is a good one to have. They didn’t have to operate which was fabulous news, and he seems to be coherent enough answering the right questions about what month, date and year it is (I would struggle with those questions myself). Whilst he is in a significant amount of pain, and looks terrible, he will be fine. He will recover 100%. And he is one very lucky man. And I am so grateful.

I stayed at Mum’s last night, Luce did too, Mum made everything better with hot water bottles, fresh pj’s & sheets, hot soup & showers for us both, but I left back for home this morning as he was doing much better. You can bet Mrs “control the controlables” has been acting like a crazed woman since I got home sweeping, cleaning and trying to order the things I can. My little sis will be spending plenty of time next to his hospital bed in the next few days and would love to hear a funny story I bet. Tell her one won’t you? She’s tops. And I want her to think about good things and not be reminded of all the trauma and yuck she’s had over the past few days. St Vinnies Emergency is no place to be on a Friday night.

OK. I’ll start.

When I was in year 3 or 4 I called David Hanna is our class a really rude name. I didn’t really know what it meant, but I knew it would have some effect so I trotted it out. He promptly dobbed on me and I got in BIG trouble from  Mrs Weston, the Principal. I had to get Mum to sign a letter saying that I was sorry for calling him what I did, so I asked Mum to show me her autograph pretending she was a superstar while I was playing after School. After I had the signature I wrote the apology on top and BANG! Done. Clever hey?

Love you Lucy, and Chrissy? Get better! x


  1. Oh no! I know that sinking feeling too well from when my hubby fell from his bike before Christmas. Luckily the neurosurgeons stay well on top of those things so he’s in good hands. Thinking of you all and sending well wishes you bro-in-law’s way x

    I cannot top you with that funny story – you were awesome even way back when. LOVE IT.

  2. So this is a conversation I had with my 9 yr old the other day- ” mum what’s a tampon?” I look at Tim & say ” do I have to answer this?” he says I do so I tell Isaac ” they are things for girls” ” oh” was his reply. I wipe my brow & thank the stars he didn’t ask more questions.
    Two days later a tampon ad comes on tv & Isaac says ” I know about tampons!” ” good for you” I tell him. ” so what do girls use them for” he asks. I ask him if he really wants to know & he says he does so I tell him ” once a month girls bleed out of their fannys….” ” WHAT???!!!” he yells & starts laughing & looking at his dad, who is also trying not to laugh, so I continue ” they put tampons inside their fannys is the blood doesn’t come out ” ” oh my god mum! Do you do that? You do dont you?!” I tell him most girls do from when they are teenagers. He sits their bug eyed, mouth open & then laughs. I get up & walk away & he calls out ” you going to put a tampon up your fanny mum?” & we all laugh because he’s such an idiot!!
    The tampon question was asked for about 3 days each time I went to the loo. Thank god we were never in public!

    Hope that bought a smile to your face…take care xx

    • Oh Reannon that’s classic! I governess 10 year old twins and the boy is OBSESSED with finding out from me how babies are made.
      “Why don’t you and Matt have a baby?”
      “When will you and Matt have a baby?”
      “HOW will it happen?”
      “HOW will you get pregnant?”
      “HOW will it get out?!”
      I told him when the time is right Matt and I will just decide we want to have a baby (thought it best he have this conversation with his mother not his governess)…
      “What, so you just look at each other for awhile, concentrate reeeeaallly hard, and then you get a baby in your tummy? I don’t buy it…”
      I wouldn’t either kid LOL

    • Kids are crack ups!! Isaac asked me the other day if our kitten was having babies. I assured him she wasn’t. He then asked ” where will she get them out if she was? Her boobs?” I laughed & said no. ” will she push them out her butt?” he asked laughing at himself. I knew where we were heading & said ” nope not her butt” ” she’ll push them out her fanny?!” he said & I told him she would but she’s not pregnant so not to worry about it. He couldn’t stop laughing & then asked ” did you push us out your fanny?” ” yes I did” I told him & then he laughed some more while pointing at his older brother saying ” you came out mums fanny!!! So did I! Were we covered in blood?” I told him they were & he thought this was both hilarious & gross. He’s a very inquisitive kid & it makes for some bloody funny conversations …like the time he told me he wanted to be buried in a gold box with COLLINGWOOD up the side!! Or the time I asked him at the age of 5,what was going on inside his head & he replied with a dead straight face ” well there’s a monkey with a drum & a banana”….Seriously,where do they come up with this stuff?!!!! 🙂

    • hysterical Reannon.. we are just approaching the age of honesty and I find it so funny..

    • Lol
      Along the tampon theme….
      My 1.5 year old had gone into my draw and pulled one out without my knowledge. Master 4 runs in to tell me ‘Mum, My baby sister is chewing on one of those things you put in your bum, ewwww’

  3. When I was a wild and wicked teenager, I took 2 panadol because I had period pain (rolling with the theme here) then drank 6 West Coast coolers at a party, then mistook an Itty Bitty Bin (remember those?) for a toilet.

    • Meant to say I wish your BIL a full and speedy recovery, but I got distracted by the memory of waking up to the itty bitty bin airing on the verandah outside my bedroom window the next morning.

  4. Anonymous says

    In early primary school I was equally horrified and excited to hear the correct name for a female dog. I proudly announced to my mum and dad one night that I knew what a female dog was called. They asked me to share, thrilled at the chance to share the word without fear of punishment I announced “A fuck!” Something got muddled a long the way. Sending every good wish x Kylie

  5. 1. awful awful awful re the brother in law but thank God he is on the mend

    2. very naughty and funny re the autograph

    3. Nice work with the maniacal cleaning. I always find it Helps. Because if you are going to worry and be stressed it may as well be in what can only be described as a clutter free clean environment.

    That is all.

  6. Head injuries are the scariest.

    Sending healing thoughts your way.

    When I had a stroke last year I was asked who the Prime Minister was. For the life of me I could not remember… so I said ‘it is that chick with red hair and big arsed ear lobes’

    Once the neuro stopped laughing he said ‘fair enough’

  7. oh I hope everythings ok!

    I have a funny story that happened today.. Boy Blue had a karate tournament and afterwards we took everyone to Maccas for a sundae..I said to the kids enjoy this sundae because tomorrow we are not having maccas for a long time (starting a change of diet for the family).. everyone said yeah ok.. Boy Blue pipes up No Worries Mum, we’ll just go to KFC instead coz you only said Maccas.. cheeky little bugger!

  8. Hope you BIL gets better very soon. Nothing worse than ‘the’ phone call.
    I have giggled loudly over yours, and others, stories – so thought I would add a very quick and very daft one from me.
    I was only a teenager (but really should have known better) and a family friend said they had driven over to WA from VIC but their arm got so sunburnt from all that driving. I said ‘don’t worry, the other arm will get sunburnt on the way back’. Major case of DOH!!!

  9. Those phone calls are heartstopping, so glad he is on the improve.
    Funny story: youngest daughter (about 8) and I were driving to meet her dad. She had a vague idea about how babies were made but clearly had some mechanical issues to comprehend.
    She: “Mum, I don’t get how the stuff from the man gets inside the lady.”
    Straight talker Me: “Well, the man puts his penis inside the lady”.
    She: “Oh, I am going to be sick. Stop the car. That is so disgusting. You mean you’ve done that three times (she has a brother and sister). I can’t breathe.” and more of the same. When we arrived, she promptly got out of the car, marched up to her father and said “I know what you’ve done three times and it’s making me sick.” His face was priceless.
    Hope the week continues to improve for you and yours x

  10. Best of luck to your family- here’s a funny one: we were in a snooty kitchenware shop in Bowral the other day when my 3 year old decided to announce at the top of his voice that he had ‘ an itchy bum’! He gets a bit of eczema so it’s not worms or anything gross but all the customers weren’t to know that! He wouldn’t let it go either- ‘ MUM! I said I’ve got an ITCHY BUM!’ Won’t be going back there for a while….

  11. Best wishes to Chris and Luce two extremely talented and classy people! I’m angling for an invite to one of their kick ass dinner parties one day!!

  12. Best wishes to Chris and Luce two extremely talented and classy people! I’m angling for an invite to one of their kick ass dinner parties one day!!

  13. I’m so sorry to hear about your BILLY, Beth. Accidents are horrible things – the shock of them is almost as bad as the trauma.

    When I was little I did EXACTLY the same thing you did (the Autograph Ruse was always worth a try) but I got caught by my Mum and in the BIGGEST trouble EVER. The funny bit is that I was in trouble for lying in the first place.

    Kids, huh!?

    Best wishes to your family right now.


  14. Best wishes for your family Beth that is so horrible! As for the joke I don’t have one…I’m so boring!!! Thinking of you all x

  15. Oh Beth, that is so awful for you all. Sending lots of love and a speedy recovery to your brother in law and your family. Take care x

  16. I hope the improvement continues steadily for him, Beth.

    Story? I was driving one day many years ago with my sister, my niece and my son. One was about three, the other four. You know the silence that says you should investigate what’s going on? Our bags had been between them in the back seat. I looked around and discovered they had been through my bag, extracted and unwrapped two tampons. They had one each by the thread and were dangling them out each back window!

    Same niece once told an important caller on the phone that, Mummy’s in the toilet doing a poo.” My sister came out just in time to hear this.

  17. Hope they are ok – and now just saw your update! What a weekend for you all hope all is ok and look after yourself. My most embarrassing moment, to give you a giggle at my expense 🙂

  18. Oh Beth – hope your brother-in-law keeps improving. Scary and horrible for everyone I would imagine.

    Cleaning helps. I am a big fan of controlling what I can.

    Take care.


    Sorry – bit tired to come up with a funny scary. Although my 5 year old did stand on stage at a dance concert and pick her nose before doing a shimmy like Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction if that helps….

  19. Oh your poor bro-in-law. Sometimes it’s just one thing after another lady. Hopefully this means the bad stuff is behind you all for a while now. Glad he is doing much better now xoxo

  20. Anonymous says

    Oh I am so sorry… So glad that he will recover 100 % though! I hope he gets well or at least mostly painfree soon!


  21. Glad that your brother in law is on the mend…hope he continues to improve and gets well quickly!

    As for a funny story I will borrow one from my good friend. She had an appointment for a bikini wax and her three year old daughter was going through a major mommy phase so there was no going into the appointment alone. The way the treatment room was set up there was no room for her daughter at the head end of the bed so my friend set her up at the other end, gave her a snack and hoped for the best. Throughout the wax my friend checked on her daughter…she appeared to be completely engrossed in her snack and not really paying attention to what was going on. But at the end her daughter looked up, checked her mother out and said, “I don’t know Mom I think I liked it better before!” Classic!

  22. Sorry to hear about your BIL, Beth. But awesome news that he’ll be fine! Sending you all lots of healing and healthy vibes!


  23. Anonymous says

    Ah…St Vincents Hospital…loved/hated working there,especially night duty.One night this well dressed man came in and I was told to go and take his “obs” you know blood pressure etc.Anyway when I saw him I asked what was his problem,he declined to give me that info.Nevertheless when I entered the Dr’s rooms they were killing themselves laughing,actually on the floor.And up there on the Xray board was an xray of said gentlemans pelvis with “cocacola” clearly displayed.Somehow a small coke bottle had ended up his bottom!!! from you know who….

  24. toesandbees says

    sorry to hear about your brother inlaw!

    i have two funnies for you –

    1) the other night at dinner my sister showed me a picture of her friends little girl and told me it was my 5 year old nephews girlfriend. i asked him ‘is she your girlfriend bails?’ and he said with a confused tone ‘yeah. but she reckon’s she isn’t.’ hysterical laughter.

    2) my two older nephews (aged 9 and 10) have been using the wi-fi to message eachother from their ipod touches. my sister confiscated them because they were fighting because one of them was accused of saying ‘something rude’ to the other. she went through their messages and it went a little something like this:
    youre a monkey
    go to mars
    *picture of himself with eyes closed*
    talk to me
    go away
    *picture of himself with one eye open*
    *picture of himself with a sad face*
    what you doing’
    (and this was the ‘rude’ part which caused the argument)

    we were trying SO hard not to let them see us laughing since they were in trouble, but it got too much when we saw that mr. 10 had been sending pictures of himself to mr. 9.

  25. Wishing you both a speedy recovery.

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