Dirty little secrets

This morning was quite the trip down memory lane. We did a little shopping, went and joined membership at a VIDEO SHOP, came home and sat and watched movies (and ate) in front of the fire. Perfect School holiday stuff, and just as I remembered my own to be all those years ago now.

Just to add to the mix I walked past the dodgy cake section of the supermarket. You know the section right? The jam rollettes and french rollettes (what is a rollette? Is that even a word?) and found myself being convinced by the girls to throw a dodgy rectangle rainbow cake into the trolley. So I did.


I’m not sure where the passion comes from. But give me a cheap three coloured cake any day and I will NAIL IT. I have been known, when pregnant, to roll an entire packet of those 6 mini rolls. Yep. All 6, one sitting. Because that’s how I roll. Literally. Over the top of my jeans…

So. What’s your dirty food secret? Plastic cheese? Cheese sticks? Devon? Go on, fess up. Celebrate the dodgy…EMBRACE IT!


  1. raw cookie dough.. eaten with a spoon whilst watching either jersey shore or geordie shore..

  2. Ha, ha. Mine is less about food and more about scent. My dirty little scent secret is that I love the smell of Brut 33! Kill me now… x

  3. I hate to admit that this is my dirty food secret (as well as my comfort food)…packet Alfredo pasta and sauce..oh the shame..:)

  4. Fish fingers. Loaded with mayonnaise. Don’t tell anyone.

  5. I’m a slave for a frozen mini pie or sausage roll. When I was pregnant in Singapore, I once ate 12 mini sausage rolls in 1 go, haha.

    Also pregnant, I loved Kantong Apricot Chicken sauce in a jar. So retro of me… But if you jazz it up with some slivered almonds and veggies, it’s not too bad 😉

    My MIL eats plastic cheese. Loves the stuff. And stale crackers. And stale bread. In fact, she’s just a weirdo, end of story!


  6. I agree with Liz, raw cookie dough is excellent. Rachel x

  7. I have no secrets. I’m not ashamed. I eat crap food sometimes & I’m happy to tell you aaaaalllllll about it because crap food makes me happy somedays…

    So let’s begin-
    I’m a MASSIVE coke addict. I try not to but I drink a can every day.
    I love cookie dough. Each Xmas holiday I buy a roll & eat it in a week!
    I eat cake batter.
    I eat McDonalds with my kids- oh the horror !!!! I love a McChicken, have since I was about 14.
    I like to eat chips on sandwiches. Hot ones or the crunchy ones from packets.
    Recently I discovered pretzel M&M’S & the peanut butter ones. I love them. My sister bought 2 packs for my birthday yesterday.
    I also like white bread. I don’t eat it much anymore ( I’m a brown/grain girl now ) but every now & then I’ll have a Vegemite sandwich on soft white bread. Or fairy bread- I bloody love that stuff!!!
    Party pies & party sausage rolls- hide those from me at kids parties ok?

    I like good healthy food too but those bad, cheap, unhealthy foods make my belly sing sometimes.

  8. Anything that can be eaten frozen – love frozen Tim Tams (there may always be a packet waiting to be opened)

  9. Crab sticks
    Tinned spaghetti
    Pressed Chicken roll
    Vanilla slice with passionfruit icing and custard you can carve.

    I was forced to listen into the two most boring women at the park the other day discuss for 40 freaking minutes the evil of processed foods. Yes, we know it’s bad, but sometimes it good. One boasted that her 5 year old had never had a sausage…. You can imagine how that kid is going to gorge itself in a few years.

    • HOW BORING. Imagine having to ACTUALLY whip up something for your kids dinner when you couldn’t be arsed. And YES! CUSTARD VANILLA SLICE. YES!

  10. – Fish fingers.
    – KFC chips dipped in potato and gravy.
    – Maccas fried dipped in a chocolate sundae. People thought I was revolting for this but I argued it was pig fat with chip fat and that is heavenly.
    – Chip butties (do I detect a chip theme?! Hell yes, I’m going to roll with that)
    – Second Corinne’s vanilla slice – that was my number one pregnancy craving with Master P. The cheaper and more passionfruity/school canteen-ish, the better.
    – Packet pikelets. I know I could make my own.

    I seriously can’t believe a 5 year old has never had a sausage. P would go ballistic if he lived in that house.

  11. I love Cheds biscuits. They are like the crack of biscuits. I can never ever stop at just one.

  12. There was a cheap packet cake you could buy at the supermarkets called Napolean cake when I was a kid. It was yellowish and wonderful. I haven’t seen it in years. I have even googled it but nothing like what it was has ever come up. Now that was the stuff of childhood memories for me. I would rush right out and buy packets and packets if it was still sold anywhere

  13. I love a devon and tomato sauce sandwich, and neenish tarts – mmm that fake cream, and fluro jam.

  14. White bread with loads of butter and vegemite
    Easy Mac
    Braised steak and onion toasted sandwiches
    Tinned spaghetti on toast
    Big red tomato soup
    Polony & tomato sauce sandwiches (devon if you’re from NSW)
    Chicken crimpy biscuits

    Love them all!

  15. Mine seem to come out in full force when pregnant too.
    Plastic cheese & Yogo… Not together, but maybe I should try it?! I could easily eat a 6 pack of Yogo in one sitting.

    Also love a frozen dim sim and some pork scratchings… the ones where you need a sip of water after every bite.

    And the non-pregnant favourite – Kabana. If ever Hubby and I are supermarket shopping together, there is kabana consumed. Also love a dirty processed hot dog.

    I need food.

  16. 2 minute chicken (or whatever chemical combo the powers that be decide is chicken like) noodles ! SO bad and therefore SO good. The cheaper the better. Current fav is the Aldi ones.
    Crap, now i want them.
    loved this post 🙂

  17. Devon. YES. but i discovered something SPECIAL this morning at the movies with Naomi…popcorn AND m and m’s TOGETHER in my mouth. I tell ya…something just clicked and it was awesomeness in the making!!!

  18. i feel like i can hear a floodgate opening somewhere, oh wait, here it comes.
    fish finger sandwiches with cheese AND tomato sauce and always on white bread.
    i too am a FIEND for cookie dough.
    homemade popcorn but literally drowning in butter and icing sugar (introduced by my nan who made it for me whilst watching shirley temple movies with her).
    puffy dogs – those things are the devil in disguise.
    kooka’s shortbread biscuits with raspberry jam. bomb. diggity.
    um, that should do for now.

    • Puffy dogs? Are those the pre made frankfurts wrapped in puff pastry?!

    • they sure are, and damn they are equal parts good and bad. do yourself a favour! put some in your shopping trolley from the nasty frozen food section of your local supermarket. trust me, you won’t regret it. you’re welcome.

  19. My naughty food habits are food per say… Mine are sauces! Im hopelessly devoted to sauces!
    To the extent that I have “Vehicle” foods just to appease my sauce addiction

    Mint Jelly – I dont need know vehicle… I eat it straight out of the jar while standing in front of the open fridge
    BBQ – Vehicle food – potato gems… but wait for it… I dont oven them like normal people, no no, i put them in the microwave… because when I need my BBQ sauce, I need it NOW (not in 25 minutes!)
    Or devon – but I hate the taste of devon, so i completely smother it with BBQ sauce and I roll it up and I chew and I embrace the BBQ’y of it all

    mmmmm hmmmmm delicious!

  20. Party pies and iceberg lettuce. In fact my friend Lucy once put an iceberg lettuce in my handbag and I didn’t find it until I got to work. Hands down still one of the funniest things that has ever happened to me.

  21. Anonymous says

    Chiko Roll from a greasy takeaway shop and yes why yes I will have salt on that.
    Nutella, not the sort that lives in the kitchen the sort that stays in your bedside drawer so you can have a spoonful whenever it takes your fancy until its all gone which usually isn’t very long.
    White bread or any sort of bread really.
    Quarter Pounder.
    Caramello Koalas
    I suspected there was a reason I was putting on weight, it’s now becoming clearer.

  22. My Food of Shame is Fishfingers.

    Sad but true.

    They taste like 1978.

  23. I’m starving reading all your comments Beth…..I love love a toasted sandwich with peanut better and jam inside it…it’s gooey and tasted like a nutty donut…. :-)… I’m sure it has 30,000 calories in it, but I never really cared much for counting calories :-)))))))

  24. Hmmm.
    (Looks down at the Cheezels and Lemonade on the desk.)
    It’s been an intense morning!!

    HJ’s dirty ol’ whopper for sure.
    Followed by a vat of Nutella on white *gasp* bread.
    🙂 xx

  25. Oh my god, this post is killing me. I’m so tempted to go to woolies. Fish fingers, chicken nuggets, potato gems. That Laughing Cow cheese. Yogo, but with the little section of m and ms you could upturn into it. Nasty pizza hut ‘the works’ choc mousse. Pizza roundas. Betty Crocker premade icing. Easy mac. Continental Alfredo. God I’m hungry.

  26. Casey ann says

    -Little frankfurts (or little boys as we always called them) swimming in tomato sauce.
    -Pies BUT you have to stick the nozzle of your tomato sauce bottle INTO the pie and fill with sauce until in nearly explodes :o)
    -Cheeseburger with fries on it.
    -Devon rolls, you know the ones, filled with mash potato and onion and toothpicked

  27. Chiko rolls with fanta! Mx

  28. Twisties
    Scraps of raw pastry cut off when trimming pie
    Raw scone dough
    Uncooked rolled oats by the spoonful, although I haven’t done that for years.
    Peanut butter from jar on a spoon

  29. I whipped up a batch of choc chip cookies this morning, and I am not entirely sure HOW, but it did not come close to yield the 100 the recipe claimed it would…


    As a kid, I used to LOVE sao biscuits with mayo. sooooo good.

    I also enjoy cheeseburgers with fries on it, sandwiched in, especially good with a hangover.

    Let’s face it, junk food is my thing. bogan trash all the way!

  30. plastic cheese
    sausage rolls
    any rollette or rainbow coloured cake
    but my fave dodgy food is CREME EGGS!!!!!

  31. Wow, there are so many good ‘food items’. Devon, frankfurters (little boys) however my secret is…
    cheese twisties on fresh white bread and margarine. OMG, I am in heaven when I eat that. My family think I am mad for eating this but I just love it. (p.s. I currently have little boys on the stove as I type.)

  32. love, Love, LOVE this post!
    i was hungry when i first started reading it, now i’m bloody starving for some crap!!dammit
    – mcfeasts
    – macca’s chips dipped in bigmac sauce
    – packaged honey cake roll thing? with the fake cream? yuumo
    – oh, fake cream! (mock cream?)
    – hot cinnamon donuts!
    – standing at open fridge door, gherkins, cornichons, pickled onions, etc straight from the jar
    i need to stop now…

  33. Stop it, please! I forgot pickled onions. Sob.

  34. Fritz (Devon). I love it. I buy a couple of slices from the deli and eat it straight out of the paper. Yum.
    Hubby calls it Dicks, Lips and Arseholes LOL

  35. I’m addicted to Reese Cups, can’t get through the checkout without buying one. I also love Maccas chocolate thickshakes and orea mcflurries and have regular cravings for a good Zinger burger 🙂

  36. I have SO MANY dirty food secrets lady, but my latest which makes me feel kinda gross just thinking of them, are Pringles! You know, once you pop… and all that. They are SO BAD, who eats dehydrated potatoes for fun. I know, weirdo xo
    Those rainbow cakes are da bomb! I’ve been known to work my way through one of those in a matter of hours.

  37. Frankfurts from the butcher … eaten raw in the car on the way home from the butcher.

    Kraft Deluxe Macaroni and Cheese in the blue box.

    Packaged madeira cake from my local grocer with so much additives written on the pack that the label is HUGE.

  38. Pomme Noisettes. My staple dinner when hubby is out for the night/late from work and my kids are tucked up in bed after i’ve made them eat their vegies. They are now known just as pommes but they will always be pomme noisettes to me 🙂 and it goes without saying they work well with white bread, a slice of plastic cheese and some sauce !

  39. Funniest post ever, loving all these comments and now i don’t feel so weird for some of my eating habits 🙂

  40. This comment has been removed by the author.

  41. Hilarious post! Food vehicles definitely a highlight for me. As was bedroom nutella.

    Most of my awful food habits have already been claimed (which is GREAT!), but I used to make & eat a bowl of chocolate icing – no cake food vehicle required.

    My most disgusting drink fav is instant coffee (even though I have a beautiful kitchen aid espresso machine) made on evaporated milk. So bad, but so, so good!

  42. Space food sticks —- chewy choc thingys

  43. Paula / skinnyflatwhite says

    Corn jacks – bought from petrol stations when on road trips. It’s part of the journey.
    Cream buns with mock cream
    Hot chip sandwiches – must be white bread and must have butter. Ditto salt and vinegar packet chip sandwiches.

  44. This is hilarious reading! For me a Maccas sundae but the huge one with a combo of chocolate & caramel sauce & half a squirt of each above & below…not that I’m anakky retentive about it or anything. As you can imagine the chica at Maccas often has issues perfecting this order.

    Oh & mock cream apple turnovers! Mmhmm

  45. Smiths plain crisps (ruffled) with vanilla icecream. (similar to macca’s fries with sundae).
    White bread, margarine, slice of fried spam
    Instant maggi noodles, soy, sesame seeds, and a fried egg

    I love those jam rolls and also the lamington squares. 🙂

  46. I’m in Canada and I would have killed for some of this stuff when I was pregnant and sick as all get out. I craved so much crappy Australian goodness and could not get it. Agony. The number one craving was the strawberry Yogo! What is it about that stuff? I couldn’t even come close to finding anything like it here. It’s the perfect fake strawberry taste and consistency. Also sorely missed…cream buns, custard tarts, caramel tarts, party pies, lamingtons, lady fingers, snakes alive, violet crumble, jam rolls, a proper sponge cake, oh dear so much……I think I’ll go weep now…oh god…custard in a carton….sob….

  47. …still thinking…Filet o fish…spacefood sticks..I’d forgotten about those!…absolutely with the plastic cheese grilled on squishy white bread…this post is killing me. Can’t stop thinking about yummy food. I thought I was the only one in the world who walked past crappy looking packaged treats and nodded in agreement over “how anyone could eat that?” while secretly thinking it looked pretty darn good. Clearly I need to be home with you lot. At least I can get Coke here. My one true love…

  48. A bit late to this one, but I LOVE snowballs. The way the chocolate peels away from the marshmallow.
    Will treat myself when I go to the shops tomorrow.

  49. Oh my, this is hilarious!
    Am loving all the comments,, food vehicle = priceless.
    Embarrassed to buy a chiko roll, me too!
    Raw frankfurts! Nah, gotta boil them, I can hang on that long to get home as I munch on my all time fave …pineapple donut.

  50. To be honest, I don’t really know where to begin.

    Jam rollettes
    any form of deep-fried food
    those hot and spicy wings from KFC
    a Macca’s Fillet of Fish
    tinned spaghetti on buttered toast
    butter and peanut butter on toast or fresh white bread
    Fresh white bread with outrageous amounts of butter and honey

    and so on and so forth.

    It becomes more and more apparent with each and every day just how I got this figure.

  51. Bloody hell Beth, I’ve been craving a chocolate yogo ever since I read this post!

  52. HOT. CHIPS.

  53. Kentucky fried chicken chips

  54. Anything from Taco Bell. I dont even think its real food. Just chemicals. Deliscious chemicals.

  55. I half fill a glass with milk, fill the rest with drinking chocolate, then get a spoon and scoff milky chocolaty mouthfuls of deliciousness!! I usually eat this in the laundry so I don’t get sprung by my 3 kids.

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