Tired. Tired. Tired.

We have had one night of uninterrupted sleep since the 10th December last year. We had one night where Harper slept in her bed all night when we were away at the hut last week, but she still woke and had to be settled (which I could do from my bed) so I am also counting that as a good nights sleep. Before December I can’t remember how long it had been but I am happy to put my hand up and say that we have had 3 (tops) good nights sleep in as many months.

This is bullshit.

I am no princess when it comes to the sleeping. I have dealt with more than my fair share of the shitty sleep. Night terrors, night mares, sitting whilst sleep comes, crawling on the floor waiting for the escape from my children, I have done it all (except hopping in the cot with my kids. Yes I do know someone who has done that). I know bad sleep. I can deal with bad sleep. I suck it up and get on with it with relatively little impact, if my little you mean I only scowl cruel, heartless, venomous attacks at my husband in the middle of the night because I absolutely resent the fact that I have to deal with it while he lays in bed even though he is awake through sheer fear of what will be thrown at him. Ahem. When I have little, little babies I am happy to wake up to 4 times a night to feed for hours at a time, I do it. I get on with it. It’s just the relentlessness of these past months that has been harder than before. The not knowing what to do, why it’s happening, and being seemingly unable to help that has blown the big one.

Yesterday afternoon we saw an ENT about Harper with our belief that she had sleep apnea. From spending many times on the floor of her room, and then also when she was in our bed with us, we knew that her snoring had gotten worse over the same period of time that her sleep had deteriorated. We knew that she woke after she appeared to stop breathing, then she would cough, and splutter and cry and wake up again. She would get back to sleep, only to do this 5 or 6 or 15 more times before eventually getting into a deeper sleep. Classic signs of sleep apnea. And we were right, she does, and she has enlarged tonsils which aren’t helping and in one months time she will be getting a tonsillectomy and having the tonsils and adenoids removed. We will be in hospital for a night, then a week or so of recovery and then, hopefully then, the kid will get some better quality sleep. We all will. And we won’t feel like the living dead. The cute living dead. Her not me.

Bring that shit ON.


  1. You may feel tired, tired, tired but that picture is gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous!

  2. cookcleanstudy says

    You poor things. Sounds like this may be the solution. Here’s hoping. xx

  3. Aidan is a great sleeper… well he was until he decided he’d give up nappies cold turkey… all day… for every nap… and every bedtime. I was not prepared. I’m now sleeping lightly like a newborn again listening out for him tossing in turning so I can bounce out of bed at any given time and remind him to drag his lazy baby butt to the toilet. Slowly he’s getting the gist of it and beneath the lack of sleep I’m extremely proud but right now… I could SO trade places with Sleeping Beauty.

    So glad you got some answers and now have a plan of action. Hope she recovers quickly and things go back to normal. Can Aidan send her a card?

    • OF COURSE he can! She would love it I’m sure. I SO know that kind of sleep. I was like that when she moved into a big bed – funny how Mum’s go into protector mode isn’t it? Hope there is better sleep coming your way…soon x

  4. you are deadset the spunkiest dawg tired mumma I ever saw.
    we had one that had a tonsillectomy at the same age as your little one.
    just started school.
    he had it not becasue of sleep apnoea but because of having tonsillitis for two years- we maybe had two months reprieve.
    sleep deprivation is THE worstest thing EVER.]it affects EVERY other aspect o you life.
    stock up on icypoles, jelly, icecream & yoghurt
    and Pom Poms to cheer the fact that you will NEVER look back!
    SO happy to hear that you have an end in sight.

  5. Just the thought of that sounds exhausting, especially when you didnt know what the cause was or how long it would last, it must be scary for her too. I hope next month goes quickly and you can all start getting some bloody sleep!

  6. Oh love, I’m glad you got an answer and I’m glad they’re acting quickly. You know where I am if you need an ear. You’re on the path now. xxx

  7. PS – Harper will be almost the exact same age Lucy was when she has the op. They recover well. x

  8. an answer, huzzah!! this is a good thing. and shit mama, you look HOT!

  9. Yes! You’re on your way to many, many blissful nights sleep! I’m so glad you managed to get in to the ENT so soon…awesome.

    My girls have always been pretty awesome sleepers, until ONE week ago. I am now feeding Scout 3 times through the night just to shut her up and did I mention she is 16 months?!!?! Holy heck. And this is me after a week – you Beth, are amazing to be still standing.

    And smiling. And functioning. I seriously don’t know how you do it! Practice make perfect I guess? :/

    Not for much longer though, yeah? Yeah. Ok, end of stupidly long comment.

    • I think the hardest bit of a period of bad sleep is the knowing they CAN do it, HAVE done it and not knowing why on EARTH it stopped. Hang in there Lou – whatever it takes my friend, whatever it takes!

  10. Snap – my Ruby is having hers out on the 16th Feb for this exact reason. Worlds shittiest sleeper, snores like an over weight trucker and from sharing a bed also has the apnoea’s. I only wished I was as smart as you and had picked up on this 3 years ago. Ruby is 6 now and the health repercussions of all of this are not good. I have so many boxes that I want to tick off after this surgery is completed. I will keep you posted on how we go, unless your surgery is before mine then you will need to tell me everything. Our ENT specialist schedules all his surgeries around Bronco home games..I shit you not.

  11. on the plus side, you are looking very gorgeous in that picture! so glad you have found the problem. i’m crossing my fingers for you that this is the solution and from then on you will have uninterrupted sleep. x

  12. Tired, maybe, but still gorgeous. I’m so happy you were able to get in quickly and the date is set. In case you haven’t tried, I found a vaporizer to help (a little) with my sons sleep apneoa before his adenoids were removed. Counting down the days for you xx

  13. Excellent, excellent.
    Not the sleep stats – the diagnosis.
    Actually, no, not the diagnosis – the treatment.
    Well not the surgery specifically, but the results.
    You know what I mean!!!

    Help is on the way, Beth.
    I know that putting your child into the arms of a surgical nurse and on the table is no picnic (he was only 5 weeks and then only 5 months – sob, sob) but it’s worth it for everyone.
    🙂 xx

  14. Lady, you may be tired, but you look totally gorgeous!!
    I’m so pleased you’ve had some answers, that must be a relief. And hopefully there is now a light at the end of the tunnel. xx

  15. Hooray for getting that shit sorted!!

    My aunt had the EXACT same problem with her little lady. Sure enough a trip to the hospital, those bad boys were whipped out..no dramas. Within a few weeks EVERYONE was a lot happier. Eighteen years later, that little lady is in fine form.


  16. That’s fantastic that you got to see a specialist so quickly! And that she has been diagnosed and a plan set in place. Having your baby girl in hospital will be hard, but so worth it in the long run.

    I had the same operation when I was 8 years old. And now I sleep like a babyyyyyy, each and every single night. And I only snore when I’m drunk 😉

    I had no idea you had THAT many sleepless nights hun, wow, my heart goes out to you. Onwards and upwards I say. This is going to be a huge year for you. Daisy in big school and in the not too distant future, lots of sleeping for EVERYONE in the house.


  17. Beth you’ve done good. I decided my child would be my only after 9 months of little sleep, don’t know how you’re still at it with your sense of humour in tact! Alas now that he is 10 and sleeps 10 hours uninterrupted, I am wishing I’d had another. Sleep deprivation is a biatch!

  18. you look way too gorgeous in your pic to pass for tired.. so glad there is light at the end of the tunnel for you all x

  19. oh Beth. It’s good news, right? I hope you can hold on till then….

    you look baben’ when you are exhausted- just imagine how delicious you will be when WELL SLEPT.

  20. My son had his adenoids out at the age of 7. We were referred to an ENT surgeon by a dentist of all people – she could tell from the shape of his face that he never breathed through his nose. He had never slept through the night – we just thought this was how it was with him. The change was miraculous and instantaneous! Hang on, you’re nearly there…….

  21. Poor Daisy struggling with sleep apnea. Actually, poor all of you for living through it with her. On the up side, that photo shows no signs of tiredness, just great hair and eye make up. x

  22. Booyah. Answers. And solutions. I am so pleased for you – for you all! Harper will be a different kid with all that fixed. So encouraging when there is answers.

    Next vlog: applying eye make up the babymac way. You look amazeballs.

  23. Glad you have an answer!Ahh the end is near 🙂

    I have recollections of tucking the baby into the cot screaming and then standing leaning over the cot BREASTFEEDING for 1/2 hour because Felix would only fall asleep when he fed and woke up every damn time I tried to place him into the cot if I fed convensionally.

  24. No wonder sleep deprivation is used as a torture device… it’s brutal trying to function. And it’s depressing when you go to the bed that used to be your cosy, regenerative place, and you KNOW you ain’t getting any rest. It’s just somewhere to go to pass the time until it’s morning again or someone needs you.

  25. Sleep … I remember you. That was back in the olden days when my kids hadn’t arrived yet.
    Hope that all goes ok between now and the operation.

  26. There is a reason! There’s a REASON! x

  27. My eldest had same op at 22 months (and first of two lots of grommets)and results were amazing! I am sure you will do this but I borrowed a couple of books about hospital appropriate for her age to read and I also talked to her about getting a needle when it hurts too much. I was a nurse at the time and knew one shot of pethidine would settle her. The night nurse tried offering her painstop (when her throat was killing) and I asked for pethidine. She insisted on trying painstop which was then spat back at her. I held her hand and talked her through the needle and she slept for another 6 hrs. Woke up bright as a button and only needed panadol at home for that day. They need to eat toast and the like, not jelly and icecream so that scabs don’t form and cause bleeds so they need to be covered for pain.

  28. There is a light at the end of the tunnel… hang in there. I can’t even begin to imagine. Mumma always knows their child best!

  29. Hang in there Chick…your pic is cute but you can feel the exhausted in your eyes…Tonsillectomy will make a HUGE difference…having nursed these kids post operation and consoled the tired worried parents,,,a couple of weeks after the op you will all be shiney rested and new. I also have sleep apnea but my Mum didnt get my tonsils out when younger…I have a machine now…its my best friend xx

  30. OH I hope this is the answer and sweet dreams are headed all your way. Hugs.

  31. Kids not sleeping through the night is a snore fest. But I had to make my first ever comment purely based on the photo. How fab do you look? Work it Kate Moss!! I’m guessing you have Nordic genes.

  32. Man. A reason must be that bright, shiny light at the end of a long, dark tunnel.

    I know that resentment. I’ve hissed all kinds of psychotic at Dave. Resentment consumes. And you hear yourself, & wish you weren’t so disgusting. But you are anyway.

    Well, I was. When I was that deprived, & working too many nights.

    However, the upside is this …

    You look SEN.SATIONAL!

    Actually, you look like DAISY!

    STUNNING. Stunning stunning stunning!

  33. Umm, thought I should clarify my first ever comment….children not sleeping through the night is a complete snore fest for you. The blog post wasn’t a snore fest! Back to the rest of my flagon of wine, and I shan’t sully your blog with incoherent comments again.

    But I totally meant the Kate Moss comment.

  34. Oh, sleep deprivation SUCKS….I know it well 🙂
    But…that photo of you is gorgeous!
    Great that you got some answers from the ENT. Here’s hoping to more sleep soon for all of you {and us too, while we’re at it lol}

  35. This comment has been removed by the author.

  36. Take two!

    Oh Beth. I totally *get*this. With Joshie, I went through months of sleep deprivation before he had 3 ENT operations (that was his ENT’s record until his best friend went back to have his adenoids shaved for the 4th time!).

    We had months of the same with India until she had her ENT op aged 12 months.

    Sammy hasn’t had any problems, thankfully.

    But since then, Joshie had a year of the true night terrors – the running-through-the-house-screaming-his-head-off-whilst-still-half-asleep variety. And now, even although that has passed, it’s still such a habit that he waked every night and Mr PB invariably ends up sleeping with him.

    So Beth, I feel for you. Truly! Hang in there, mate ☺. J x

    • Jane I know ALL about night terrors and I think they are without a doubt THE hardest part of parenting I have had to deal with. Daisy still does the same thing – wakes and walks disoriented but thankfully has grown out of the screaming disoriented thing. Thanks for your comment x

  37. I still think you look cute Beth. So glad you have an answer, finally. Hopefully just knowing that will help you rest easy. xx

  38. Oh Beth – You ARE cute! And it must be a relief to have some answers and something more concrete to work with.

  39. Holy shit Beth you POOR THING!!! Bloody hell I sympathise. Sleep deprivation feels exactly like torture because it is, in fact, torture.

    However that is the most stunning photo of you in the world. You are HOTTTTT.


  40. Ah..Sleep Apnea. It sucks. My husband has it and it means neither of us gets particularly restful sleep. However, when he wears his machine…ahhh glorious.

  41. You are totes gorg – which is no shocker – the real shocker is that as tired as I imagine you are, you still have the confidence and skill to go at your eyes with eyeliner and do a great better job than I do well rested. Once again, you amaze. Also, I have totally made your yummy chicken noodle soup like three times in the last few weeks – our new family favorite that I can actually do, And do well! My husband the chef even thinks so. Thanks for all you give out to the universe, I hope you get it all back -paid in sleep!

  42. Oh poor little Harper, what a relief there is an answer to your problems, so pleased there is light at the end of the tunnel for you all now.
    I used to get in the cot with Angus… shitty shitty times :o/
    Love the pic of you lady. best looking tired eyes I’ve ever seen xo

  43. I think you look amazing in that pic! Wish I looked that good at the moment. Hope you do get to the bottom of Harper’s sleep problems. We’re still severely lacking over here too. Amazing how you can keep pushing on through the days really. Wishing you a restful weekend. x

  44. Poor Beth. I feel your pain, sista. . . and i really should be in bed right now and not here tap tap tapping!!

    rachel xo

Speak Your Mind