I am wondering…

OK, I am worrying a lot about…

: How Harper’s operation will go
: How she will be when they try to put her under
: How she will cope with needles
: How she will be when she wakes up
: If she will be crazy and possessed
: Or if she will be sick and vomiting
: The stay in hospital
: When we get home
: The following 10 days
: If she will be able to swallow medicine
: If I’m going to have to use MOFO suppositories
: If I’m going to get any sleep in the next 10 days
: The sleep training that I know we will have to start again once she is well
: If she will ever sleep all night in her bed ever again
: If Rob and I will ever get a nights sleep together alone in a bed again
: Somehow figuring out how to make some money
: The garage flooding with all this rain
: Daisy’s molluscum and if it will ever go away
: My GORD and stomach aches
: My inability to stop eating when I am so tired and a little stressed
: If I will ever get my exercise mojo back again
: The fact that the septic tank has still not been weeded
: If Harper’s sleep will be better after the operation
: And what on earth I will do if it’s not

Just the, you know, normal stuff to worry about on a Wednesday.


  1. What’s the operation honey? You know she will be fine. She really will and so will you. Much love xxx

    • Thanks B, she is getting adenoids/tonsils out. Nothing dramatic. It’s not like this has been happening for hundreds of years…just not to MY baby!!

  2. Deep breath, my friend, deep breath.

    Harper will do fine. You’ll be surrounded by people who deal with this each and every day and you’ll have so much support.

    When you get home (or before) you can call me any time and I will listen or tell you what happened with us.

    Harper will sleep in her bed one day. She won’t be 18 and still sleeping with you.

    Keep on top of Harper’s pain and you’ll get through it.
    Keep on top of your GORD (ie don’t eat what triggers it, don’t smoke, try not to stress, get some nexium).

    Things will get better and brighter. They have to. I promise. If they don’t, you can join me when I run away to Mexico.


  3. I used to work in theatre (& recovery) way back when.

    Children wake up so sweet, upset … But sweet.

    Make sure you insist on sitting in recovery as soon as she is wheeled out, because when she wakes up, all they want is their mama. Believe me, I see it every time!

    Just hold her, pat her back, shhhhh, & so on & so forth.

    That’s all you can do.

    That’s everything every parent ever did, & the difference between children waking up to their parents versus children who woke up without was like … night & day.

    Good luck beautiful Harper!

  4. Oh Beth. That sucks.
    I get all the sleep stuff.
    I don’t know if we will ever sleep alone in our bed again. Really really praying that all goes well in the op.
    You are an amazing mama and you’ve got this! You really do.

  5. Write down possible answers to all of these questions, then possible strategies to overcome/fix the questions. This is the only way I can get out of my worry lows. Writing the problems and “fixes” is very therapeutic!

    “The fact that the septic tank has still not been weeded” – Pft the least of your worries, scratch this one off the list.


  6. It will all be ok.

    I promise you this: By the time she starts school she will be sleeping through the night, in her own bed. It feels a long way off, but you know it isn’t.

    I promise you this too: You will be fine in the hospital, you will find a way to be strong for her, to ensure she isn’t worried because Mummy looks so fucking terrified. You will have wine at the end of the day and all will be ok.

    All will be ok.

  7. OH my dear. I got nothing. Big hug and a cup of tea. xsx

  8. Jamie Hendle says

    My Daughter had Molluscum and we used lemon myrtle oil diluted, we actually got a Naturopath to make it up but I’m sure you could dilute it yourself! We popped it on a few times a day and it had all cleared up within 2 weeks πŸ™‚

  9. I really am enjoying your blog. I don’t read blogs.
    but I read yours.
    I like your story about moving – I’m from Newtown. Not anymore.
    When I worry, I focus on the maker he who made us. God.
    He comforts in times of stress. I know stress. I have 4 kids under 5.
    It’s 1pm and I look forward to 9pm. Bed time for me.
    Even tho I don’t know you, I will pray for Friday.
    I was in labour when my #3 child decided to go to emergency. He’s 2. I could not be in there with him. So take comfort you will be by her side. He who is greater (God) can comfort to.
    p.s I made your chicken noodle soup. Love.

  10. I feel your pain Beth having done the adenoids & tonsils last Sep. Our experience couldn’t have been better. I wish the same for you. The surgeon let me go to the operating theatre with Alannah. I held her while they put the mask on to put her to sleep. She was upset but only took a couple of mins before she was asleep. No needles. Stint put in her hand once asleep. I carried her into operating theatre and put her on the bed. Hardest thing of the entire operation and recovery was walking out and leaving her there. Horrible. Against every instinct. I felt I should be standing in a corner just in case she needed me. Back to hubby for tears and hugs.
    I went into recovery as soon as she got back there. She was lovely. Sleepy, a bit disoriented, but looked great and wasn’t upset. When she was awake enough she sat on my knee and I “read” any of her favourite stories I could remember to her. I asked her if she wanted me to sing to her. She said no. Can’t blame her. I’m a terrible singer. But the familiarity of the stories she had night after night at home worked a treat. No vomiting, no blood, nothing icky at all.
    Recovery was phenomenal. Two days later we went to the playground! She was in great spirits and went back to childcare about 10 days later because she kept telling me she was fine. I kept the painkillers up to her (painstop) but backed off the codeine asap because of the constipation. Rainbow paddle pops were a winner!
    Sorry about the super long comment but I hope our positive experience makes you dread it less.

  11. Massive hugs your way!!!

    I know you know that everything will be ok but I know you can’t help going mental about it- it’s what us woman do best!!! Just try, really really hard, to take everything one thing at a time.

    The op will be perfect, kids are tougher than we give them credit for. When my boy had his done the first thing he asked for was kettle chips!!!

    The money thing… No answers for you there, I’m in the same boat.

    The rain & the garage… Nothing you can do to stop that do forget it!!!

    The eating & exercise will sort itself out once you have time to give to yourself. Just do your best, or worst, for now & deal with it another time.

    Just breathe lady…you’ll get through it all, you’ll find ways, you’ll get answers, things will work out. You will. I promise xx

  12. everything is going to be ok

  13. Be a strong and brave worrior mum. Know that it is going to be shit (been there) but worrior on. Try and get a big laugh in each day if you can. Fuck the mofo weeding!

    Punch, kick and scream your way through it. It is brighter on the other side. Promise xxxxxxx

  14. You poor thing, you are so weighed down with stress…hope ur friends will b there to give you a hug and make you a cup of tea πŸ™
    On the GORD front don’t endure it, I got prescription for something that really worked…more effective than any over counter stuff….get some FAST!
    It will be okay πŸ™‚

  15. I watched harper’s vlog yesterday and was jealous. Jealous because my twins are only 4 months younger than Harper and still dont talk. Nothing. Weve never even heard a Mumma or a Dadda and its so frustrating and worrying and I was so jealous at how advanced compared to my boys she is. And now i feel bad. Because I get a full nights sleep everynight in my bed. I guess weve all got our own set of obstacles. Good luck lady. Youve got lotsa mummas thinkin of ya x

    • Thanks Casey ann – you’re right everyone has their own little dramas. Don’t you worry about your two – having a big sister that DOESN’T shut up certainly helps on the talking front. They will get there in their own time. My two didn’t crawl until they were ONE and then walk until 17 months…sure they could talk but they couldn’t move!

      Thanks for your comment x

  16. A bit of advice on the molluscum…My son had it over the Christmas/New Year period. I was at my wits end with it! The initial doctor we saw said it would go away by itself. Well two weeks after seeing her his whole body was covered with it. Off to the doctor I trotted again and advice from another doctor told us to use the cream “Aldara”. That was three weeks ago and he only has a couple of “pimples” left. The cream is expensive ($85.00 at Chemist Warehouse via prescription) but soooo worth it. I wasn’t going to send him off to Prep covered in them. And I certainly wasn’t waiting 1-2 years for them to disppear themselves!!
    My son also has had two operations, he recovered really well from the operations and was eating icypoles within 30 minutes of waking up. Her sleep WILL improve!
    Love your blog! – so honest πŸ™‚

  17. Worry is so my thing but try let it go Beth! – it won’t help you!! Harper will be fine. All of this advice is gold and you WILL make it through on the other side. Naomi has had about 6 GA’s now…each time we were BOTH a mess but then after you get the best reward..cuddles with your baby. YOU will be what she wants and how blessed she is to have a mama like you xxxxxxx sleep soundly sweet Beth x

  18. ah Beth, as INXS sang, “you’re one of my kind”.

    Ditto what everyone else has said here. She’ll be fine and you’ll all be home, and sleeping through the night before you know it. Promise.

    Most importantly, do what Mr Smith tells me all. the. time. “Put your oxygen mask on first”. A reference to the instructions given by the flight attendant that everyone ignores (but him) on planes. Meaning: you have to take care of/help yourself before you can help others. What good are you going to be to anyone else if you’re falling to bits.

    Get your GORD sorted, put the chocolate/savoury treat/bad food down, steal 10 minutes from wherever you can and go for a run. You’ll feel better and your head will be clearer to tackle whatever comes next.

    And if you need to vent/scream/moan in frustration or to just expel – feel free to give me a call. I’m all ears.

    Hugs and love,
    Gabs xo

  19. Beth, she will be fine if YOU are fine. Don’t let her see your nerves and try to be smiley and relaxed (so hard) for her benefit. Talk to her about the good stuff afterwards like how she will be able to sleep SOOOO well in her bed with out those nasty ‘noids. May as well plant the seed. I told my son he would go to sleep at the hospital and have very special dreams. I do so love a good anaesthetic myself. Try not to talk to her about pain and scary hospital or she will anticipate all- and have a glass of wine and a run! Good LucK!

  20. It’s hard not to think about all of those things and it’s not easy having a little one go into hospital. I know it’s not easy but try not to worry just get through the day and tackle things as they come I’m finding that the best way of coping with things here at the moment. Little ones are often so resilient and cope really well with the hospital stay, something a little special when they wake up like a soft toy always goes down well I’ve found. Take care. xx

  21. What Woogs said.

    I remember not being able to deal with the anesthetic thing – I just couldn’t bear to see them put her to sleep, so G did it the first few times. Last year I had to do it as we were in Oz and G was back in Qatar – she was fine (or more to the point, I was fine). I hung out in recovery, and had the icypoles ready for the moment she opened her eyes.

    I’ll be thinking of you darls. xx


  22. Be strong, stay gold, it will all pass. It is fine to worry but when you worry you need to then put positive energy in trying to solve your problems. Without problems we are not here, we will be nothing.
    You will get your exercise mojo back, just baby steps, everything baby steps.
    Remember children are very strong and resilient and will do well under extreme stress. I am sure your little ones will begin to sleep well. My 4 year old comes into our bed every night and last night i spent 1 hour from 2-3am patting my 22 months old bum so she would go to sleep. take care xxx

  23. Oh Beth, I saw that photo pop up on my blogroll and my heart just sank. You poor darling. It’s so hard to deal with the unknowable. I am certain that Harper is just going to fly through this like the little darling she is. You will be okay, okay? x

  24. Be kind to yourself lovely lady. It starts with you. xx

  25. Oh dear we all have worrying times, you are just having a bad run. I had a really bad year 7 years ago, horrendous! we thought it came in threes but ours was in 12’s. Just ride the wave and do what you have to to get through it, it will ease up.

    Money- sometimes we can’t help the bills from the past coming in but we can control what we spend day to day on groceries, so make that area really matter, turn back to old fashioned plain and simple food, lots of creative mince meat meals(easier for the kids too!) like savoury mince, slow cooked cheap cuts of meat, and eggs- the cheapest family meal is in a dozen eggs , quiche, scrambled etc!

    Molluscum contagiosum(sounds like something out of a harry potter book!)- don’t pick at it! My baby had it and it went away all on its own when he was about 6.5. I did absolutely nothing! But I did notice that about the time it went he started eating and sleeping a fair bit better. Try some kids vitamins too, he started on them at that time as well.

    GORD, please try cutting out sugar and starchy foods (and reduce milk), I think you may notice a difference, worked for me and it ties in to the money bit above- loads of protein and green veggies! Exception: My doctor told me when at the hospital only eat deep fried food- you won’t get food poisoning cos it is heated so much killing any germs, lol.

    The septic tank outlet? really? Is it a gravel pit or on a garden bed? just roundup the lot! you do not want to make it a feature point in your garden! Only worry if there is a snake’s nest in there. Personally I have installed a hose on it that I move from tree to tree on the lawn or out in the paddock. The mulberry trees love it!

    Finally- the operation- Keep a calm appearance for Harper and everyone. just bubble and boil inside, remember you set the tone for the whole family- like it or not! Try to trust the professionals, they do it all day every day. Be there and have input on the itty bitty details, they need you to tell them harper’s quirks. If something doesn’t seem right you make sure that you are heard! A mother always knows her kid best and ‘feels’ things no one else does- good health care workers know this.

    I hope I have helped a little, these are things that have worked for my family.

  26. Deep, calm, cleansing, breaths Beth. You are a strong powerful mother and you will survive. Take each day/moment as it comes. And give her lots of cuddles… and make sure you get some for yourself too!!!

  27. Oh Beth. You darling girl. I have been there. I *get* where you’re at. Painfully.

    We have been through 4 ENT operations with the pixies. One of them had their adenoids scraped (you can’t remove them) 3 times as they kept growing back. That was my ENT’s record until a friends’ child has his scraped for a 4th time. We also had a tonsillectomy.

    As for going under the anaesthetic, see if Rob can do it. I couldn’t. It was just too much.

    As for the needles, I expect they’ll use gas as well or maybe even instead of them. It’s done so quickly.

    As for the recovery, there’s no predicting. Each child is different. For us, every time they awoke like the possessed and with demonic strength, trying to wriggle free whilst I had to hold them tight. Eventually it subsided and they calmed down. They had a little drink and fell asleep.

    The nurses and doctors will all be there for you. They do this every day. Trust them. You have to. They have the qualifications, skills and training. You have the love. That’s all Harper will want (and need) for you.

    As for returning home, I totally agree with stocking up on Painstop. And clear your diary for a week or so. It’ll be true ‘time out’ for you all.

    Email me anytime if you want to. I’m also happy to chat if you’d like. You can do this, Beth! J x

  28. just in case you are tempted, Aldara cream can be HIGHLY toxic, should not be used on children, and has court cases pending against its makers as it has ruined lives – Dont touch it! cut the top off the molluscum with a razor and squeeze the white waxy bit out. then its gone forever. wash your hands before and afterwards.
    or you can leave it, it might spread if she gets run down, but it will disappear after about 2 years.
    good luck. with it all. x

  29. A very worrying Wednesday indeed.

    Harps will be fine. The surgery is a big deal but kids are resilient. She will be in good hands.

    The recovery? You won’t know till you get there hun, just take every day as it comes.

    This rain… will it ever end? Will we have a shitty autumn, just like our shitty summer? Probably. I recommend shelves! Our garage has flooded the last few big storms we’ve had, so frustrating but again, nothing we can do.

    I recommend the exercise though hun, honestly. Clears your head, personal time to think and breathe and be. I’ve been exercising EVERY DAY for the last 3 weeks and my anxiety has lowered. I’ve lost weight, and am feeling more confident. Don’t overdo it, just try and aim for 1 run every few days while Harps is recovering.

    Hang in there Bev. It’s always darkest before the dawn….


  30. You know Harper will be fine and you will sleep again. But it doesn’t make it easier in the meantime does it? So vent….blog….cry……go outside and scream your head off if you have to (the beauty of living in the country). You’ll get through it. Life will be good again. x

  31. Hi Beth,
    I don’t know you but feel your pain I really do. I have a 9 year old that only started sleeping last year when she was freaking 8 years old – so I get how you feel. But a super spesh pal of mine had a child like your Harper with enlarged tonsils – whipped them out and wow – sleeping child – it will be ok.
    And wheatgrass spray for the molloscum – my sweet boy had this and it helped and started to clear it up. Might work might not but it’s clean and natural. I think I got it from drwheatgrass.com – an australian site.

  32. All my closest mates have had the same for their kindly winks.. Kids AOK Mums train wrecks… Post Op… happy Campers all around .. You wil look back and laugh as things are on,y going to get better.. I promise x

  33. You fucken spunk.

    You will definitely get your exercise mojo back on. Something you wrote here once about it has helped me .. about even walking 500 metres is 500 metres better than nothing. PROFUNDITY.

    You have had such a goddamn full-on start to the year.

    Loving your guts. When you wrote “GORD” I thought it was a funny Ocker way of saying GOD.

    Oh my GORD I need to use the TORLET.


  34. Oh darling heart, that is some list of worries. It’s a great pic of you though, channelling hot model in a music film clip. I’ve also got many a pesky concern swirling around in my head. I wonder do they ever actually stop?! Or is it just sometimes they’re much easier to push to the background.
    Best of luck with Harper’s hospital stay, just take each day as it comes lady, before you know it, it will all be a distant memory. Hugs xoxo

  35. As an OR nurse who takes care of littles ALL the time, it will be much harder for YOU than for little H. Just keep calm, and she’ll be calm. Promise. And she will sleep. In her own bed. All night. Hang in there, Mum! <3

  36. Motherhood in it’s rawest form.
    Wishing you all lots of strength and calm as the week unfolds.
    Best of luck.
    (I had/have never heard the bloodcurdling primal howling that came from my Magoo after theatre – before or since – but the recovery was smoother than I anticipated.)
    You will do yourself and your girl proud.
    Because you’re Mummy Mummy and you have to.
    πŸ™‚ xx

  37. Look at all these beautiful people offering comfort and advice. And here I am saying, yeah, pretty standard stuff, welcome to my world, here, I’ll move over so you can sit on the misery loves company bench too. You know you’ll get through it, doesn’t mean it sucks any less.

  38. Oh, if you do want some strategies/tips on helping get through reactions to anaesthetics and pain mgt then let me know. Well versed over here.

  39. Such a hard time for a mama, seeing her little ones in pain. You have to look after you, so you can look after her. Reading your worries took me back a few years to when Bell was only 1 year old and we were having to put pressure suits on her…..so hard when they don’t understand why you’re doing horrible things to them.
    Take comfort that the nurses in particular deal with little ones every day, and are a special breed of people. Sending you lots of strength hun, use your support network both online and off, and stop worrying about the stupid septic weeds.

  40. Oh Beth the hardest part of being a Mother. The worry. I remember the gut wrenching feeling as my then Miss just 5 had to have her arm that she just broke operated on. I was fine with the break up until that point. I think I cried the whole time she was in theatre and when we went in as she woke up that was one of my most treasured moments seeing her little face light up when she opened her eyes. They are braver than you think, and you will be too. Hugs x

  41. Anonymous says

    I really feel for you, I had 2 of my 3 kiddies, had to have tonsills and adnoids out, then grommits 3 times for 1 and once for the other!!
    Georgia was only 12 months when she first had to have grommits, it was horrible.. BUT what a massive difference they made and then when tonsills and adnoids came out WOW it was like we had a totally different child and we wondered just how she had coped like that and how miserable she must have been.
    You will go beautifully and so will she and as for afterwards, it will be FANTASTIC she will sleep and so will you, I just know it!!!!! Louise

  42. I hope somehow writing this all down and all these sweet comments has helped you de-stress a little.
    I am sure Harps will be fine, but I know I would be feeling the same way you are. Try to focus on the positive. {Riley has bloody molluscum too, I can’t get rid of them}
    All the best love. xx

  43. Anonymous says

    my daughter had had molluscum on and off for her entire 11 years, due to her chronic eczema. I have found that some betadine ointment really helps things along. Good luck!

  44. Don’t forget to breathe, Beth. Deeply.
    Seems like you’ve got a LOT going on – be good to YOU xx

    P.S – Good luck and best wishes to sweet little Harper.

  45. Anonymous says

    My daughter equated going to hospital with having babies..so we encouraged her to think that way and there was her “baby” waiting for her when she woke up. I also went in the theatre with her and soothed her as she went off and it helped us both. Good luck

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