Tarnished halo

This week has been a good week. The sun has shone. I haven’t had to wear jumpers. The heating has been off. The windows have been open. Harper has been a pure joy and so much fun to be around – Daisy the same. I have been a domestic goddess basking in my halo of smugness because I have used my slow cooker – twice! I have diminished my washing pile! I have washed every single towel and bathmat and dressing gown and better still, they have dried! Clean sheet day? You bet it is! I have had flowers from the garden inside and placed just so in vases and jars. The house has been clean! I have been winning.

Yesterday afternoon I was tweeting some such about how fabulous I was when my little sis {who works for DJ’s and was doing a run through for their fashion parade last night} sent me through the following text:

She had a baby approximately 5 minutes ago. OK, well 7 months, but in terms of first time mother 7 months may as well be 5 mins as the fog has just lifted by then right? And it’s a photo taken on a mobile phone which usually makes people look terrible right? I know I should be all sisterhood yay Miranda! Look at you! Back at work! Looking great! But as I looked down at my spaghetti bolognese bubbling away in the slow cooker everything seemed a little less glamorous and not fabulous at all and quite suburban and pathetic so I stopped tweeting and instead replied to my sis “Mole. Can you trip her over for me?”

So. Today I am going to tackle my washing pile and dinner preparation in heels. And I shall refer to Rob only as Orlando.


  1. Love this…feeling like Nigella as I whack lamb shanks in my slowcooker this morning, watch washing (actually drying in 20 degree weather, at 8am!) flap on the line, feast on fresh, healthy fruit for brekky and marvel at my mopped floorboards. Thanks for the cold, harsh dose of reality Miranda. I HAVE to go for a walk this afternoon. HAVE TO. Happy Thurs Beth!

  2. I just saw a photo of myself in the preschool newsletter reading to the kids. I looked like a cross between a walrus and a dugong.

    As I looked as this photo of Miranda, if I had the choice of standing in front of a group of people in my togs and a pair of impossible heels or being in your beautiful home with dinner bubbling away, it would take me a millisecond to choose.

    She may look great and have Orlando on her arm, but I’ve heard she’s as dull as dishwater. Plus, I reckon she’s got the worst job in the world. x

  3. i bet she doesn’t cook orlando spag bol ……

  4. lady – share that slow cooked spag bol recipe – who cares about miranda and her outrageous body – spag bol is where it is at!!

  5. My husband wants me to look like nigella. I think he just wants me to take dirty about pastry. Pfft to Miranda. Bring on clean sheets any day : )

  6. Georgina Clark says

    Aside from the initial shock – I thought she was breastfeeding? How the hell doesn’t she have gallons of milk pouring down the front of those swimmers?!

  7. Her son is the same age as mine.

    And this makes me feel … Well, incredibly bloody unattractive.

    Her breasts are so perky, legs toned.

    My ne mum fog has only recently lifted, and I went for a run to celebrate. And I don’t think I’ll ever lose the flab, cellulite, and other shenanigans even if I run every day of my life. For the rest of my life.

    Please tell me your sister tripped her over?

  8. I have been doing the housework in heels this week, wearing in my shoes for the wedding, it actually adds a frisson of glamour to an otherwise mundane activity!

  9. yes we may all look this way if we had night nannies, heaps of money and a huge egoic need to get back to a career that is solely dependent on how we look….so over the media glamourisation of motherhood and she is at the top of the list. Dont compare yourself to her – you are far more real and have made much more courageous choices to live a more meaningful life.

  10. She looks hungry……

  11. And how the hell are her boobs still perky and up right. After breastfeeding two children mine look like saggy bags of nothing… Long drops… droopers… I could probably tie them in a bow!

  12. you made me laugh. miranda didn’t. that’s my point!! have a great day in your heels πŸ™‚

  13. I know what you mean! I tried to be happy for her, and I really wanted to be happy for her. But I’m having a hard time because of how frumpy she’s making me feel πŸ™

  14. You made me laugh so much:) She does look insanely good, but probably wishes she could just spend 3 seconds at home with her family like we do every day. Dont we always want what we havent got? Grass isnt always greener? Ok enough xx

  15. Love this too – but look at her legs, that is seriously unfair.

    BTW – I’m sure that Rolando prefers your spag.bog. She probably can’t cook? cheers Wendy

  16. Hi Beth..you must be feeling well this week. Miranda would probably love to be able to stay at home with her baby and make slow dinners and gather flowers from her garden! I certainly wouldn’t like to be parading around in a swim suit in high heels..lol.

  17. I have ranted about this to other mothers before. I hate that she’s been put forward as some type of benchmark for motherhood. Who are people kidding? It’s insane. She has a night nanny FFS. NIGHT NANNY!!! And a personal trainer. Give me a fucking break already, Australian Media.

    Rant over.

  18. Oh My Goodness. Way to kick a girl down hey. I still can’t fit into my jeans and my boy is nearly 12 months. Might help if I did a little exercise LOL

  19. My girl is 9 months old this week, and I’m too busy tucking my mummy pouch into my jeans and hoiking my boobs into their scaffolding *cough* bra to deal with heels as well.

    But you know what, she can have it. I get to spend my days in trackies if I want to. I can snuggle my kids whenever without taking a break from my work. I can not wear makeup and no one is going to put it on the cover of some rubbish magazine.

    Give me boring old suburbia any day. I mopped my floors today and feel quite medal worthy!

  20. My 2 yo boy likes to look over my shoulder occasionally when I blog. He likes the apples on Lucy’s blog, and the jellybeans on Lori’s blog. Today as I was reading your blog he announces (at the picture of Miranda), “That’s you Mummy! You are so cute Mummy!”
    Made. my. day.
    (I am blonde and size 12 but he is male and things like that don’t matter.)

  21. Oh i so hear you, great for her, now i’m off to drown myself in my laundry pile! (joke)

  22. Hang on. Isn’t Miranda 25 years old? I reckon if we all had babies at 25, our boobs would bounce back well too. Having them 10 years later like most do now does have some kind of impact on the bounce backability.
    She’s lovely, but her job is to be lovely. If she went back to being a secretary after 6 months no one would even blink.

  23. So funny! I love how you can think all those things and then say what you said.

    That, my girl, is priceless.

    And after having two sunny days, it just poured down. With all my dry washing on it. See? I’ve become complacent already. xx

  24. I was feeling the same too. folded and put away my mountain of washing. winning. until i saw that photo. bitch. {Miranda that is}. xx

  25. I lashed out today and bought some new track suit pants and when Mr H got home he asked me where the bogan was that I stole them from.

    Clearly I need me some heels and a bikini instead.

  26. Oh I have to say, I do love Miranda lady. I would have LOVED to be at that fashion parade. But they kind of like to invite people who know what they’re talking about and being in the industry might also help ;o)
    I know what you mean about feeling bad when you see pics of her though, it has the same effect on me.
    Let’s face it, some are born freaks of nature and there is not a darn thing the majority of us can do to look that good.
    I think you’re every bit the winner and I am actually jealous of YOU as I sit here with unfolded washing around me, a laundry brimming with more washing, dirty floors and not a vase of flowers in sight! xo

  27. If I were a guy, I’d totally tap you over Miranda anyday Beth! xx

  28. As a fellow love-my-slow-cooker mum (altho I am SO behind with the housework I’ve decided not to even TRY to get on top of it until mid 2014) I honestly don’t know how she does it. Genetics are obviously helping, earning money to have nice holidays with your kids would be great too – but not spending every day with them and therefore missing them and missing things they do – honestly, it’s hard enough to get out the door and get groceries! I’m glad I don’t have to do what she does, but I would like to be just a little bit closer to that ideal, but still spend time with my kids… the eternal conundrum.

  29. I love doing housework in heels. πŸ™‚

    Other than that bit of positivity, I recommend you go back to the first part of your post, read it again and punch the air with the glow of your success! You are awesome.

  30. I have had a great week too, very similar to yours. Beautiful sunshine, housework done, slow cooked twice, and the fresh flowers…mmmm.. creepy!
    As for Miranda. Well I’m sure if we all had, Nannies, personal trainers, dietitians, nutritionists, housekeepers and millions of dollars we could all look like that. But really the pressure must be hard to take. Give me some curves and a piece of chocolate cake any day!

  31. I hear you! Looking at her makes me feel so inadequate! Does she have to parade around like that? lol *secretly, insanely jealous”

  32. Ah, it’s just a body, B. x

  33. You are far hotter!

  34. jeebus, my legs didn’t look like that even before I had a baby let alone now! lazy bones πŸ™‚

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