Yesterday morning all 4 of us were in bed together trying to make bedtime last that little bit longer – but with 4 in the bed the only thing anyone was getting was a kick to the ribs! At least we were laying down right? Oh and I forgot to mention (which is quite significant) that Daisy had slept in until 6.10! I know! It’s a Christmas miracle come a little late!
Anyway, Daisy started to get a little aggressive with Harper (as she only knows how to at the moment) so I got out of bed and was picking up clothes from the bedroom floor and doing a little tidying up. Rob started talking to Daisy (as only he knows how to with his unending supply of patience that I can say I DO NOT have) and asked her to stop trying to hurt Harper. He asked her what the matter was and why she keeps doing it. And she says, are you ready for it?
“I’m jealous. And Mummy doesn’t listen to me.”
Did you hear that? The dagger in my heart? I was FLOORED. I stopped folding clothes mid sentence and was dumbfounded. That she even said jealous, let alone that she knew what it meant, let alone in the perfect context. She is not even 3 yet. And of course because right there and then she told me exactly why she was feeling what she was in a way that I can help her. I feel so bad that she thinks I don’t listen to her BUT at least now I have a specific area to focus on.
Most of the time I feel like I am doing just an OK job being a Mum. Particularly having 2 now I am even harder on myself. I know that there are better mothers than me. More giving of their time. More patient. I know that most of the time that Rob is a better parent than I am. I am still learning and trying to work it all out, I am still amazed that after almost 3 years I still feel some days as clueless as I was the day I came home from the hospital. I am amazed at just how mind numbingly frustrated I can get, and in the very same hour, can feel so overwhelmed and filled with love and joy for my children. I know I need to work on getting frustrated and in particular the way I verbalise this – Daisy is picking up on EVERYTHING I do at the moment so now is the time to be the grown up. The adult. The role model. I need to dig deep and show my daughter the right way to behave and not let all the stupid shit (that SO doesn’t matter) get in the way. And I need to spend some time with her.
And listen. Just listen. It couldn’t be clearer.
Out of the mouths of babes. Daisy is a mimic, just like her dad, picking up everything. Wise old Robert always had the knack of stopping me in my tracks. Be kind to yourself and the rest will follow xxx
Oh Beth! xx
Don’t beat yourself up, it’s so hard to split your time between equally when the youngest is so small. Listen to me, I should take my own advice! No doubt you are doing an amazing job so chin up x