Life at 45 and 3(ish) weeks

3 weeks ago I turned 45.

How odd, considering I feel much younger. Perhaps that will always be the way now. I’ll feel the same inside even though my face and body will tell me differently. The same way the years seem to go so much faster now. The way when I look at my parents now, and I see older people.

Despite my being 45 and it being 2022, I can report I am still frequenting the park. HOW? How can it be?

My girls…their ages and needs stretching out each week and month…the gap between the littlest and the biggest seems as big as it will ever be. Social lives and working and teenage “stuff” and choosing subjects and thinking of of the future, and still the park. And cuddles. And the odd tantrum. Thank goodness for 7 year olds in our busy lives filled with teenage girls.

For someone who feels so strongly about home as a grounding force for calm and order for myself, it’s been a strange time to be moved out of our house and waiting (allllll the waiting) for renovations to begin on the house.

There’s so much I miss, and so much I don’t. I can’t wait to see some progress. In the meantime, I am enjoying the vast skies we have in our new home. The mornings start early, and I have loved watching the skies come to life  out the window. Our home in Burrawang was so much about the inside, and this house points to the out. The glorious sunrises and sunsets, soaking in sweeping skies has been salve to my tired soul. The move and clean out really took its toll on me physically and mentally, and I am still catching my breath from it all, even 8 weeks on.

The new space though, the downsized “stuff” the clean walls with no mould and (how novel) a town sewerage system really is doing the trick to feel like we are on holidays all the time. It’s going to be a great summer in our neighbourhood.

My days are filled with work and emails, invoicing, paying bills and ordering. Packing orders and marketing & photographs and running around after school and all the driving. It’s the busiest time and I am forever grateful that there have been no more restrictions and lock downs. When the memories come up from this time last year and the despair we were all living, it’s like it was all a bad dream. Long may we keep moving forward.

There are challenges with running your own business, the worries of course and the risk and balancing act that comes with backing yourself and sometimes, not getting it right. Rob has started his own business which has been a huge jump into the deep end for him, as well as working on his original job. It’s been stressful and at times not much fun as we both battle with small business and being grown ups and kids and life as well as moving house and throwing ourselves into a renovation that has been years in the planning and suddenly here and SHIT THIS IS A LOT. I’ve been reminded a few times over the past few months how easy it is to drift apart. And similarly, how easy it is to reconnect with a little effort. Time away from the kids and life, just us, together is all it takes to remember how much we love each other. Life at 45, 19 years into your relationship is no joke. It ain’t sexy or pretty, in fact, it’s ugly and petty much of the time, but I am so glad we have each 0ther. When we have that, we have everything we will ever need. Look at what we’ve done? Imagine what’s yet to come?

My family and friends are everything to me. Not things, or places or spaces, it’s time and it’s love. Those are the secrets to life I am reminded of often. We have been lucky to have had some wonderful time with people we love this year that I am so grateful for. To love, and to be loved. That’s all that matters and I count myself lucky on both those counts with my life filled with so much love. I try to give out as much love into the world every day as I can.

Even if it’s a photo to Maggie when I am not home.

How lucky I am.
Older, and perhaps a little wiser.
Definitely more tired.
A little unsettled and sometimes worried.
Excited for what’s ahead.
Busy.
Loved.
Grateful for so much.

Comments

  1. THIS!!!! Beth you hit the nail on the head with this! I felt this deep in my soul.

    “I’ve been reminded a few times over the past few months how easy it is to drift apart. And similarly, how easy it is to reconnect with a little effort. Time away from the kids and life, just us, together is all it takes to remember how much we love each other. Life at 45, 19 years into your relationship is no joke. It ain’t sexy or pretty, in fact, it’s ugly and petty much of the time, but I am so glad we have each 0ther. When we have that, we have everything we will ever need. Look at what we’ve done? Imagine what’s yet to come?”

    There are so many things in your life that are happening in mine and I just adore the real way you share. It makes me feel less mental!! Keep going you good thing, you never fail to entertain!

  2. Still one of my absolute favourite bloggers! Loved this Beth, happy birthday!

  3. Best line: It ain’t sexy or pretty, in fact, it’s ugly and petty much of the time – how bloody true! Good catch up Beth x

  4. Happy birthday Beth. Beautifully written and reflected as always. 😊

  5. Denyse Whelan says

    Happy Birthday and thanks for sharing….I am someone who loves catching up with you, the fam, the extended fam & friends. Love Denyse xx

  6. Happy Birthday, Beth! It’s been so long since I saw a blog from you. I think I’ve been dropped off your email notification list, for some reason. I did not know you were moving out of your house for reno. I hope everything goes well! It’s such a beautiful house.

    And… is that a Nick and Nora cocktail glass in the fifth picture? I love Nick and Nora glasses.

  7. Beth,

    thanks for sharing the real. As per the commenters above, you nailed it.

    Your blog makes life feel better. ❤️

    And I need some of those cocktail glasses!

  8. Happy Birthday Beth! Your new home sounds lovely & must be so exciting to have a new space to make a home in.
    This was a lovely piece. It really resonated as I too also turned 45 this year, or at least I think I did?? Might have to check that & do the math. I really haven’t kept track of things post 40!

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