Last week I had some time to myself (I know! unheard of!) You see I was getting the car serviced and I sat in a cafe waiting for a lift for someone to take me home…I had about an hour or so, so I whacked up on Instagram one of those ask me a question thing. They are always so much fun to do – I love seeing the kind of things you guys want to know about and last week I was feeling so like I had my shit together so knocked them out quickly. (side note: how can you have it together so much one week and then the next barely have time for a shower, let alone time to make an effort with what I am looking like? HOW?!)
Anyway, one of the questions I was asked which was interesting (to me) and had me pondering AND what I had the most responses to was “what do you know in your forties that you wish you knew earlier?”
Hmmmm.
My first response was that I wish I knew how to poach an egg earlier than I did. And that’s true. But the main thing that instantly sprung to mind was that I wish I knew earlier that no one actually cares about what you are doing. Now, I don’t mean that in a unkind way, of course people love you and are interested in you, but I mean it more in the way that everybody is so caught up in themselves wondering about what everyone is thinking that they don’t actually CARE what you are doing. It’s true!
The woman at the beach that you think is looking at your body in your swimmers is actually looking at you and thinking why don’t I have this like that (a flat stomach, thin arms, muscly legs) like you. And is beating THEMSELVES up about it.
The person that gives you shit on social media about a project you are doing or something you have achieved because deep down they wish they had done something more.
People are ALWAYS bringing it back to themselves, they really are. And you know what that means? You can just go ahead and do it because NO ONE CARES.
Isn’t that something? It’s a certain something that I wished I had known before I was 40 that’s for sure.
All those wasted years of what people thought if I did this or that, wore this, cut my hair like that…that’s ingrained in us from such an early age…wanting to be the same, not different when really we just need to be WHO we are, do WHAT we want and that’s all that matters. No one cares because THEY are too worried about what everyone thinks about them.
Some other things I wish I had known earlier are:
- How important your health is, that’s actually everything so look after yourself
- That 40 year old hormone rage is a real thing, so hold onto your calm hormones and send everyone fair warning that it’s coming
- That not everyone will like you, and that’s OK
- How great I looked at age 20, 25, 30, 35…and I thought I was fat or this or that?! How dumb can you be?
- How all the small things matter and what make up the joy in the world: a frosty morning, the steam coming off your washing up in the afternoon sunshine, freshly mowed lawn…
- That I had done my pelvic floor exercises more
- How I wouldn’t sleep for the better part of 13 years
- That when it all comes down to it: it’s about family, friends and love. That’s all we have and that’s really all that’s important
What’s some wisdom you have for me?
What did you wish you had known earlier?
That would have saved you some grief?
What wise words Beth. All so very true. One think I am learning now in my 50s is trying not to sweat the small stuff.
Embrace yourself with open arms and realise that you are wonderful just the way you are.
So true Vicki – thanks for sharing!
Oh Beth… how do you do it.. you always seem to know what I am thinking right back from that very first blog post I ever read on Baby Mac about Great Expectations. I have been thinking so much about all of this lately. You know what I have been thinking about the most and what I wish I had have known…. I wish I had have been able to see beyond my nose when the kids were little… I was so caught up in all the toddler bullshit that I thought it would never end and couldn’t see beyond those years, then somehow in the blink of an eye they are 14, 12 & 8 and one can even drive a road train and do a whole bore run by himself… I wish I had have been able to look ahead. Thanks for a great read! And yes to thinking how great you look at 25, 30, 35 … yes!!!
This is SO true – toddlers are all consuming and most days you cannot see the forest for the trees except one day you look around and they are BIG. And not spilling shit.
I wish I had known earlier that, comparitively, my health was pretty good & I should travel & do all the things. I have a life long health problem & have always been limited in what I can do but looking back I could do so much more when I was younger. I am facing the prospect of heart/lung transplant now at 50 & wish I had realised back then that “when we had saved a bit” wasn’t going to be the ideal time to do things.
Hindsight and all that het Heidi? Wishing you all the best with what lies ahead xx
Great post. 2 things stand out for me 1. I wish I learnt to budget and save better than what I do. 2. To travel more when I was younger before having kids.
They say it’s never too late to learn!
Isn’t that the truth! Never too late to start travelling either…hope there’s lots more in your future!
I love this post, thanks for taking the time to write it. I try to advise my younger ones to look after their bodies and health because it catches up on you the olde you get.
This is so true Sandra and so so important. Good health is EVERYTHING!
What’s some wisdom you have for me?
Travel and experiences are precious.
Don’t wait for when you think it might be the right time. Just get out there and give it a go.
Trust your instincts-99.9% of the time your gut is pretty spot on.
What did you wish you had known earlier? That would have saved you some grief:
-Don’t care what others think. Get out there and just be you.
-Worry less and just live in the moment. You CAN NOT control everything or else you will burn out.
-Ask for help, it will not make you less of a person.
-Be proud of your quirks. People will love you for them.
-As you perfectly stated, it’s family, friends and love that it is really all about.
Thanks Beth xx
Thanks so much for sharing all these nuggets of wisdom with us all Leanne!
Oh Man! This one got me in all the feels ! My dear little Mum died last week and I am 2 secs away, at any minute from havinga full blown bawling attack. She had Alzheimers for so long so the real Mum was a distant memory but now going through all the old photos and videos and there are hardly any of the 4 sisters and Mum together!! 2-3 together and Mum but only one of the 5 of us from when I was 22 (I’m 45!)
Also video footage, don’t stop now the kids are older, we seem to video when they are younger but now they are all teenagers – nothing (well except for Snapchat and Insta) but real videos esp when we’re altogether. SOOO important cos all I really want is to see my mum walking and talking and interacting like she used to before that horrible bloody disease got her and that shit fucking awful end to life that is such utter bullshit, I will never understand how we can let loved ones go out that way (but that’s a whole other story!) and I just want to hear her voice! Video you guys – keep videoing!! x
I’m so sorry for your loss, Brenda. My MIL passed away unexpectedly this week, and I too am in the depths of regretting lost photo opportunities. And it’s even harder now that all cameras are digital and we just don’t seem to take the time to get the bloody photos printed! #onething
Oh Mel so sorry to hear about your Mother in law too, sending you love x
Oh Brenda I am so so sorry to hear about your Mum and especially that cruel disease that she (and you all endured). I will remember all of this and be sure to take it on – you are so right – all you want to do is hear them speak again, I will be doing this so thank you so much. Sending you lots of love and strength at this shitty time x
I’ve learnt to surround myself with people who really matter and don’t chase the ones who don’t. I feel, as I approach 50 that I’m grateful to be here and, being in menopause, something has shifted as I have more of a sense of calm and a lessening of my almost lifelong anxiety.
Bring on that calm Susan…I am READY!!! And you are so right about chasing people that matter, and get you x
The older I get the more I realise how little I do know.
I think I’d say don’t be in such a hurry, about anything also do the thing you are putting off for fear, or leaving to the time is right.
Lastly you’ll never please all the people, so stop trying.
Cheers Kate
So true Kate – thank you for sharing!
I wish I’d learnt earlier how to say no. It’s been a revaluation to me in my 40’s (43 this year) that I don’t actually have to do things I don’t want to do. No excuses anymore, just ” No thanks” or “I’m not available then”. Wow, who knew???? Game changer.
Something I SO need to work on!
Love your posts Beth – do people really actually give you shit on social media ? I can’t believe it – I think you’re the best !
Josie people are SO weird. And great! It’s weird isn’t it? Social media makes normal people so weird stuff I think x
Oh is it really true about that pelvic floor?
All I’m saying is that I don’t like to jump on trampolines and getting a cough is not what it used to be!