Preggo files #17

I spend many a moment throughout my day at the moment visualising a positive birth experience AND thinking about what Kate is up to. I hope she’s hanging at her Mum’s place drinking lots of tea and eating cake. Special event signs have gone up outside the hospital which means it’s going to happen….soon!

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My guess is on the 27th April. A girl. Called Victoria.

I’ve been getting the odd Toni Braxton (hicks) that seem to stop me in my tracks. That’s it sister. It’s not pain, it’s pressure, remember that. The muscles contracting for the hard work ahead. I suspect that Kate’s uterus is a little, shall we say, tighter than my own.

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Rob and I have always called them Toni’s and just to be extra supportive whenever he sees a wince and is around I’m guaranteed to hear this not long after…

I swear if I hear the dulcet tones of Tones whilst giving birth I will throw something at his head.

Yesterday I dropped the kids off to my mate Mrs Munro’s place as we had a hospital tour thingy to go to. You know, find out where you come in, check out the birth suites etc? She handed me this tea when I dropped them off. She’s a good egg. And I look forward to realigning my chakras and thinning my cervix with this tea. Surely it does all that?!

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The hospital thingy was good. I finally saw where it is that we will be having the baby and it all became VERY real. I don’t think we’ll be needing a special event clearance parking situation however, she’s pretty quiet in our little country hospital. My goodness the midwives are wonderful in there, I just know we are all going to be very well looked after. It couldn’t be further from the fancy pants Private hospital in Sydney with views to the city, and I am SO OK with that.

We did, however, have to watch a video on birth.

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I’ve decided that I find those videos most unhelpful. In fact, watching anyone birth is NOT MY THING. It’s like looking at people’s sex faces, I just find the labour faces too much to handle. I can’t listen to the breathing, see the partners rubbing, hear the grunting, I just can’t do it. In fact I find them a useful as North West front row at a show at Paris Fashion Week. God bless you Anna Wintour.

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I did however, enjoy this compilation of photographs of women (maybe it’s photos I can handle just not moving images) showing the different faces of women in labour. And I do know that every time I see the actual baby coming out bit, that I weep like a crazy woman. I cannot actually believe that we are going to have a new whole PERSON in this family. A baby. SHIT.

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Did you read the news that our lingerie model from last weeks files has had her baby? She did! And you know what? The baby boy was 8 POUNDS 7 OUNCES and 22 INCHES LONG. Need a visual reminder again?

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That child was standing up in there surely? I have a friend Hayley this week who was the same. LEAN and toned and FIT and she had a big healthy girl (sweet Lucy). Where was that baby HIDING? I am afraid, very afraid for the 6 kilo babe that surely must be coming out of me…I think I grow big placentas or something.

More babes born this week: Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel had a little boy who they names Silas. And Isla Fisher and Sacha Baron Cohen had their 3rd (name and sex still unknown).

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Rob has been busy with the flat packs finally getting them all up and sorted. I’m afraid there will be no lovely nursery tour with cute vignettes for this babe as it consists of an Ikea cot wedged into the corner of our bedroom and a change table. That’s IT. Oh I might be able to get something together I suppose, surely at least one of the cot made up ready to go? New sheet possibilities and all that…watch this space.

Did you see the story going around on Facebook this week about a woman who received a letter from her “friends” about how annoying she was posting photos of her baby on Facebook? Here’s a taste:

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What a pack of MOLES.

Anyway, I just wanted to forewarn you of this: When this baby comes there WILL be photos of the baby on the blog. Oh yes, there will be. And if you don’t like them, then you should totally click onto that red button on the top left hand corner of your browser (for those on Macs) and the little black cross on the top right hand side (for Window users) and just move onto a different blog for a while. Just wanted to get that sorted now so we’re all clear. And if anyone tells me otherwise I will go all Kahleesi on your arse protecting my baby DRAGON.

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And I mean if you can’t do things like this with a child under 6 months old that wakes you and feeds from your boob constantly and needs their nappies changed all the time than what’s the POINT of having any kind of fun in life? Thanks Archie for playing along…he is REPRESENTING the Lollypop Guild.

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Craving: Apple crumble. Tried to make something last night that resembled it in my best Kate way but it was like how mountain bread is to sourdough: BULLSHIT.

Drinking: The odd swig of milk straight out of the carton hidden in the fridge door.

Dreaming: Of lotus flowers opening. Not really, but trying really hard to.

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Cheers to you friends with a cup of the finest: Pauls Double Thick CHOCOLATE CUSTARD from Easter that I broke the seal on last night. If you have it in a mug, there are less calories than in a bowl. Didn’t you know?

So tell me, what’s Kate having and when? Name?
Find watching birthing videos useful?
Anyone else preggers getting some Toni Braxtons too? Ouchie!

Comments

  1. Love your posts Beth!

    I love Toni Braxton – humming along to Breathe Again now 🙂

    For Kate’s babe – I too think a girl, April 24 and they’ll name her Alexandra

    xx

  2. Lisa Mckenzie says

    Yep you are having a baby Beth and we want to see all the pics please,I think Kate will have a girl too ,enjoy your chocolate custard you need it for the calcium Xx

  3. My guess is Victoria or Alexandra.. and lizzie’s birthday is 21st April so they may hold off a day or two.. so will say 25 april.. Have you seen Jane the Virgin show on foxtel.. bloody hilarious! get onto it stat.. I threw all books out the window and just went with the flow! Good luck, when are you due btw?

  4. My prediction for the royal baby is a girl Alice Elizabeth Diana . Born on ANZAC Day. Last baby for the couple.

  5. OMG there had better be photos Beth, I am living vicariously through you, no more babies for me:-(

    I think that lady needs new friends, they are just jealous and its better she work that out now rather than have to live the day to day competition that will come from them on an ongoing basis, who has time for that… live and let live and be happy for each other is what I say. Looking forward to many many updates from you. xo

  6. Enjoy your final days of pregnancy Beth 🙂 My third was in our room for sometime too, nothing flashy but cosy.
    My, doesn’t Kanye look resplendent in his outfit! Although I wonder how many poor critters met their demise to make him look plush :-/
    Liz XO

  7. Birth videos are BS – no one needs to be watching that!
    Many years ago, my job was to read, edit and collate birth stories for a magazine (PPMJ worked alongside me), we were doing an ominbus of all these stories and was a couple of weeks away from sending to the printer, this poor lady had seen an ad for it and called me asking for a copy as she was giving birth at the end of the week and couldn’t give birth until she’d read it! I kept trying to assure her that she could (and would) give birth without reading it. She wasn’t so sure, she was at that “end-of-the-first-preganacy-little-bit-crazy-stage”. I always wondered what happened to her.
    It always amazed me how graphic people could be when writing their birth stories, it’s like we need to convince ourselves that this thing actually happened!

    I’m looking forward to being bombarded with BabyMac 3.0 pictures very soon. xx

  8. Geez you’re funny. What a great post. Love it! Good luck with the lotus.

  9. Oh and the look on Anna Wintour’s face in that picture is just priceless!!

  10. I was thinking Victoria or Elizabeth, but what’s the best she will surprise us all and have another boy…..

  11. Oh my goodness she gets signs! I can’t believe that letter from a ‘friend’ some people need a good spanking. I love the name prediction but I just want someone to call their child MOLLY because I’m not having anymore and someone needs to take my dad’s mum’s name – and my two sisters are too busy having fun to have babies. Rant over. And breathe.

  12. Is that P. Diddy in the photo as well? What a line up. North mixes with the right crowd.
    I love all your pics Beth and am super excited to see as many baby ones as possible.
    I think Kate will have a girl. 26th April. Elizabeth.

  13. So looking forward to many, many photos. Thank you for sharing so much with us.

  14. Hahahaha, we called them Toni Davids!

  15. would love photos!!!

  16. HA HA HA – this was gold! XO

  17. It would be great if Kate called her baby Sharon or Leeanne. Not gonna happen tho. Probs will go with Victoria. Or if it’s a boy: Henry.
    I’m looking forward to seeing your bub as much as this new Royal. I love all babies equally. 🙂

  18. I think I’ve only had Toni visit once and she didn’t tickle!
    My nursery is also a cot squished into our room and a change table. I’m a little disappointed – its my first and I thought I would have something more lovely set up but we just don’t have the space.

  19. That woman needs some new friends. How awful and devastating that note must have been to her.

    I’m looking forward to seeing pics of the new baby…bring it on!

  20. Yvonne Duke says

    Never got to do the hospital visit as my first was born on the day before ! Never had a changing table either ! Kate will have a girl tomorrow, called Emma !! Enjoy your last few weeks of pregnancy x

  21. Oh Beth, Twitter brought me over here and I’ve been totally stalking around!! Haha! Problem is I can’t do it quietly so my comment binge will show me for what I am!!
    Apple Crumble is my specialty!! And I’m literally around the rainy, foggy corner from you! Perhaps I’ll have to drop off a meal and a crumble when your little human arrives! 🙂
    Can’t wait to see the new Royal! Not long now!

  22. 25th April – ANZAC Day – a girl, Alexandra Elizabeth Victoria – and it won’t be the last – I reckon at least 1 more!

    Beth, have you watched One Born Every Minute? It’s hellish and funny at the same time! Also, everytime I think of Toni, all I can hear is “Unbreak my heaaaaaarrrrrttttt”!

    x

  23. Lord, that post gave me a laugh.
    I had a kajillion, billion ‘tonis’ with all my kids. Sure, no pain, if you consider NOT BREATHING FOR A MINUTE to be a painless experience. Ha Ha! But do you think the little buggers would come out? No sirree. Each one induced. I think they’d still be camped out in there if they could.. But surely those braxtons make it feel like the world is closing in on them???

  24. Never got a Toni Braxton, thank goodness. I did however have a very positive birth experience (despite the four days, posterior, 36cm head, 9lb 3, vacuum extraction blah blah blah…) and it’s true: pressure, not pain, pressure, not pain. Juju Sundin Birth Skills helped me ENORMOUSLY. Pressure, not pain. Get some stress balls, those things were my saviour (well, them and some gas…) Find a freaking speck on the hospital floor, stare that sucker down! I did shit like that and it was GOOD. Count. Count screaming out loud. Just count. I knew a contraction would usually last until I could count to 20, getting to about 16 was fist pumping stuff.

    I was going to try and attach a post-birth photo here but your comments don’t have the ability anymore? Oh well, imagine a post-birth GLOW, adoring husband and big healthy baby girl. That. End game. Goal! Not the labour face, that’s awkward.

    • They are really good tips Emma. THANK YOU. I will keep my mind on the prize at the end and hope to GOD that it being my third it will be over sooner rather than later x

  25. Ahh, Toni Braxton.
    Thank goodness I have already had my baby otherwise I would be singing Breathe Again the entire labour and cursing you for associating the two in my head!
    Having a baby is seriously amazing.
    And I know it is wanky but when you are in tune with the birth you can FEEL the baby moving along with you, helping you birth them. It is wild and crazy! I would do it all over again!
    Are you going to get the placenta encapsulated? Or is that a step too far? I swear it has helped.

  26. Shazziebazzie says

    I am not good at predicting the sex of babies! I sat through the birth videos with my eyes closed. At my next obstetrician appointment I cried and told him I did not think childbirth was actually physically possible. I don’t know how he kept a straight face

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