Last month Chantelle whacked up this great post on her blog on how to fake clean your home. I loved the simple suggestions and everyones thoughts on the matter, given my penchant for all things clean and tidy in the home. My cleaner hasn’t been around for the last few months (shall I tune up my violin now?) so the house hasn’t been getting the deep fortnightly clean it was once used to. I’m talking mopped floors, dusted surfaces, scrubbed bathrooms and vacuumed floors….you know that hardcore clean that gives the very best feeling of domestic satisfaction? Especially when it’s been done by someone else. I’ve been tackling each area every now and then or when I have time – the bathrooms are a disgrace at the moment but you can bet your arse I have better ways to spend my time than scrubbing soap scum off glass (HOW DO YOU DO THAT ANYWAY?!). Every now and then I cannot cope with the floor so they get mopped, the vacuuming gets done when I can’t stand to look at the mess anymore, and the cobwebs hanging off everything would have Mr Carson in a state. While the house is always certainly tidy, it’s not CLEAN. And yes, there is a difference. Troubling times indeed.
This morning I knew I had to sort stuff out. The girls were at school, the next few days and the weekend are a write off so it was now or never. But I did NOT have time for a deep cleanse so I did my own ‘fake clean’ or as I like to call it, the HALF HOUR OF POWER CLEAN. Think of it as the clean before someone comes over. The quick clean that can trick you into thinking that your house is fully clean when it’s not. This clean is not for the faint hearted, you have to RUN. You have to move fast. You have to have your wits about you. Go hard and then you can move on. It required focus. It requires momentum. You cannot get distracted. Check Facebook or answer a call. The only concession is that you can Instagram your efforts at the end.
I suggest that you look at what is achievable in 30 mins. It might just be the kids room. Focus and move on. It could be the kitchen only. Wash up, wipe and put away, wipe the benches and move on. Think about what is going to piss you off the most and deal with it. And move on! For me, today, I could not cope with the toilets, the carpet, the kitchen and the beds. The dust was also proving a problem.
So let’s do this shall we?
2 minutes
Throw open all your windows. The fresh air is like a free cleanse for inside of your home. Sunshine will disinfect everything and at least the cobwebs will be broken when you open the windows. Small victories.
6 minutes
Strip the beds and get washing. Fresh sheets tonight will convince me that I have worked harder than I did. That said, the girls have bunk beds so there will be an aerobic work out getting those bastards back on later this afternoon. This will also stretch out the half hour time slot somewhat. If you have spare sheets whack them straight on, otherwise deal with the dirty sheets on another day. You don’t have time for that shit today. This time does not really include the remaking of the bunk beds. I can re-do our bed in that time though. RUN PEOPLE.
3 minutes
Get a hot wet cloth and wipe over every surface that is concerning you. This is not a thorough dust just a wipe over to deal with immediate areas of concern. For me it was kitchen, and bedside tables that had a layer of dust so thick on it the girls were drawing patterns on them.
10 minutes
Wash up everything in the kitchen. Wipe benches. Move on.
2 minutes
Throw toilet cleaner in the bowl and give a quick scrub. This is not a deep clean but merely a scrub. DIG DEEP.
7 minutes
Vacuum high traffic areas that you will see the most. For me that is the entrance way, my bedroom and the bathroom & kitchen floors. You will be sweating now because you are running against the clock. YOU CAN DO IT.
2 minutes
Throw something new in a vase from the garden. Don’t have flowers? Cut a tree branch. Anything will do and it will trick your mind into thinking that the house is fresher and cleaner than it really is.
LOOK AROUND. It looks clean! It smells clean! It’s Kinda clean!
What’s your trick for fake cleaning?
Don’t you think those 10 minutes before someone comes over are the most productive 10 minutes?
This is the BEST. Flower/tree branch is so true. Light a mofo candle too!
Defo a candle! If I just pick up the stuff that doesn’t belong on the floor, vacuum and light a candle I feel successful.
OF COURSE! A candle! I’m all out of nice smelling ones at the moment. Thanks for the reminder ladies!
I am all about the tidy home, and if I can work some clean in, very sporadically, bonus! It is one of the downfalls (maybe the only one) of living solo – the standards can slip a bit. Carson would be most disapproving!! I’m going to look for a branch on the way home from my must-leave-the-house errand this afternoon.
You won’t be sorry Annette x
Brilliant! I did the vacuum high-traffic areas thing yesterday as we had friends coming over to pick up some old furniture. Then the husband took them up the other end of the house to show them something. All I could think was “NOOOOOO!”
Oh the shame.
Oh no!
Soap scum from shower screen – 0000 grade fine steel wool. It is the ONLY thing!
Is THAT what they use? Thanks for the tip Ash!
Thank my glazier! I asked him best thing to use to get rid of the cloud when he came to fix window that my dog broke with his backside. The cloud is GONE! Nothing else worked – be gentle with it though and lubricate it a little dishwashing liquid and water.
where do you buy it ?
I bought some from bunnings
thanks Ash.
Method Shower cleaning spray and daily cleaning spray. Try it you won’t be disappointed.
Agree – love all their stuff!
Ash, you’re a rock star! Thank you, going to get my scrub on in the morning!
You have to go check out the new Dyson handstick Beth. It is the shit! I desperately want one because it means I can quickly run it under the table or in the lounge and it’s quiet as anything. Imagine a dust buster with a long handle. Perfect for fake cleans.
http://www.dyson.com.au/Vacuums/Handsticks/DC59.aspx
Oh and in our house, if I strip and wash the bed sheets then Rowan and Emily have to make them. Small victory but only fair I think. Get Rob on it! 😉
Oh I know ALL about them. In fact, the other week I just went into Harvey Norman and lovingly looked at it. I want one. Mothers Day surely?
I love mine, although I think it’s cruel of Dyson to send me an email about the new one…
I just heard they are on sale at Target! $469 eeeeek!
have one of those on my list!
I am a big fan of the fake clean. My house rarely gets a deep cleanse much to my distress but the best fake bathroom clean for me is with my ENJO. I love myself some ENJO. Get’s the crap off the mirror, shower screen and the chrome bath taps are so shining you can see yourself in them. Takes 3 mins flat to spruce the bathroom. Get into it Beth. You’ll love it.
You sound like my sister in law…I know I know!!
Oh and if my husband is reading this – I want a robot vacuum like now!
Oooh Chantelle raves about them…me too!
We’ve just ordered the new irobot roomba 780. Happy days!
Oh no you DITN’T. Jelly!
After you get the shower screen clean (easy off bam soap scum spray thingy works well), throw out all the soap and move onto soap free liquid cleanser (QV or similar). No more soap scum and much better for your skin!
Yes, and use a shower cleaner/squeegee thing to get the water off the glass after each shower (this can also be a workout for the quads if you move quickly).
Great tips!
My Mum stays for two weeks twice a year and it’s the only thing that propels me to clean properly. Otherwise I’m the last 8 minutes, I need the two for a shower to remove the sweat and slow down my racing pulse. I light an incense cone first and ensure it is out before visitors arrive.
Ha! Yes…the sweat is not a good look when visitors arrive!
I’m exhausted reading all that! But yeah that’s pretty much what I do if I get unexpected visitors or I am just plain busy with my outside stuff. As in the “Babe”movie…. “that’ll do pig, that’ll do”.
Indeed!
When I am in The Zone, I am the Ultimate Power Cleaner. My secret is to put the phone away and crank the music up loud and go, go, go! I have to do room by room (starting with the neatest/easiest of course) and in our open plan room out the back it’s section by section (lounge area followed by dining area and finally kitchen). It’s an absolute killer with both of us working full time and me having crazy Virgo neat freak tendencies. Maybe for my 30th birthday in September I could add cleaner to the wish list…?
Too true – there can be NO distractions when in power clean mode!
I clean all the time, every day vac and mop etc. But the one thing that really makes everything look better is after you wipe, mop or dust with a wet cloth, WIPE IT DRY. I use old cloth nappies. It really makes a difference especially in the bathroom and kitchen. It’s awful having streaky marks on something you just cleaned. Also the shower screen drove me so crazy that I had it taken out and went back to curtains which I can bleach every week.
Great tip Poppy! We had this wonderful cleaning lady when I was growing up and she would use old nappies on everything….I’ll never forget her on the floor drying up after mopping! Such a skill!
I love everything about this post, bleach is your friend, pour it in the dunny (the smell of bleach in the bathroom guarantees points for impressing visitors) and wipe wipe wipe those grotty surfaces in the bathroom, laundry and kitchen, I am prone to use those wipes with disinfectant properties. Love to mop with hottest water and eucalyptus but when short on time… those wipes again, two or three thick on the soles of my feet do the trick as I slide across the kitchen floor.
Lavender oil spotted on bed linen before you make the bed.
Yes, windows open, door open, fresh air.
Flowers in a vase
Coffee brewing
One of those Dipitique candles, major investment and winner in clean stakes.
Love everyone’s contributions
You have covered off everything beautifully here! Poetic even!
Love these ideas …I’m actually inspired.
Love this Beth. You have inspired me for tomorrow. Just wish I had lovely sheets like you.
Enjoy…I am exhausted!
I’m all about the fake clean…my best (most desperate) tip, if the kitchen looks like a bomb has hit and you don’t have time to really do dishes, hide them. In the oven, in the laundry, stack the dishwasher, or run a hot soapy sink and plop them in. Wipe benches. Not ideal, but no one looks in your oven or your laundry so it can save you from the extreme embarrassment of piles of dishes when people pop around at short notice.
That is the BEST tip! Thanks for sharing Elissa 🙂
I have hidden stuff in the fridge before!!!
I am a fan of the power clean.
We have an old-fashioned entry hall which has an oak side table in it. I rub that down with paper towel sprayed with Mr Sheen if people are coming and then it smells all freshly polished when they first come in…. So rub any wood near then entrance with a little Mr Sheen! That and bleach down the loo make it smell like you are a uber housewife.
Great tips…it’s all about smells when people come in don’t you think? Go MR Sheen!!
love this. thanks Bev!
No worries Louisa!
I need 5 times x 30 min power clean I think…boys. I will get off my lap top now and make a start. Thanks for Ash’s tip too.
SO much mess – so many boys! Good luck Trish x
Opening windows to fresh air is a winning technique. When we’re not travelling, my robot vacuum is my best friend. Fluffing cushions also makes me think a place is clean (esp when I remove the hair that I shed onto my cushions – what’s up with that?). Sometimes, I just light a scented candle to achieve my fake clean feeling.
A good fluff makes all the difference…you’re so right!!
Spray any glass (yes, soap scum in the shower) with a 1 to 4 solution of vinegar and water. Come back in 10 mins and wipe down with a sponge dipped (and squeeze out) of vinegar. I have a fear of chemicals and vinegar is amazing on glass of any kind. Paper towel dampened with vinegar to wipe over mirrors. Glasses cloudy from the dishwasher – soak in the sink full of hot water and vinegar overnight. And, so inexpensive.
the ten minutes before you have a visitor is -nothing- compared with the hour before someone comes to view your house which is on the market.. or the stress of keeping the house within an hour of showhome status for weeks with two small children!!
Awesome! I find it so much easier if I flick the switch in my head and don’t make it such a long laborious task but instead rush around quickly cleaning for a certain amount of time and then I’m ‘done’! Exhausted.. but hey, it’s a bit of exercise AND your house is ‘clean’. Too right!
Since I teach from home, I am the master of the quick clean.
But I do love a big clean too.
I tend to let the house reach a state of critical mess, then I spend a day stomping around and moaning about how disgusting the house is…and hoping that someone else will do something about it, and then I get stuck in and clean from top to bottom.
There is nothing better than a fully clean house…but a quick clean is almost as good!
I do the big clean every Thursday and I dread it and I will be getting me some of that steel wool thank you Ash!
Great post. Thanks for getting me motivated!
My kind of post! I’d light a candle and change the tea towels and towels but apart from that You Are Me.
You are a gazillion times better than me FF!! x
What great tips, off to do a speedy clean now and reduce my guilt..
May the force be with you x
I like the way you think 🙂 Question though..how do you clean the glass in the door of your fire? A mundane job i need to tackle
I use windex and paper towel and that seems to work fine?!
Some wet paper towel and ash from the fire itself . Circular motions . Cleans the glass well .
I must try this…I’m so easily side tracked though! But I think I will drop older child at school, grab coffee set toddler and baby up in front of TV (oh I can hear people cringe) and then go for it!!! Thanks xx
Ha ha absolutely love it and love your blog. With the hot wet cloth – I put a few drops of lavender oil to make it smell good.
even though this is an old post reading it made me happy. Thought I’d let you know x
Well that makes ME happy!