This Sunday Rob and I would have been married for 12 years. Huh. While that wedding and life of doing whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted seems like a REALLY long time ago now and has been replaced with never ending planning, and noise and CHILDREN, it’s been one hell of a whirlwind. What a trip!
I don’t know what the secret to a good marriage is. We sure ain’t perfect, but we still make each other laugh, all these sleep deprived years later so here’s what I do know about married life, 12 years in.
1. The best part of our day as a couple is known as the “golden hour” but it could in fact only be the “golden 20 minutes”. It’s the time after all 3 of our kids are not only in bed, but ASLEEP and the time before we fall asleep on the couch. We live for this time and celebrate it by ignoring each other on the couch whilst scrolling through our phones and occasionally sharing something we snigger at.
2. We talk about food. A lot. What we are going to eat. What we can’t eat. What we will eat. What we will feed the children. What we wish we were eating. Washing up after cooking. Not cleaning up properly after cooking. Who will shop. And about milk. A lot. We go through a lot of milk.
3. Travel together, while trickier with kids in tow, is still so important to us. Travel anywhere will do the trick…even camping. A change of scene from the monotony of the daily grinds truly puts a pep back in your step. Everyone in my family loves holiday Beth more than normal Beth.
4. The worst fights we have EVER had are the ones between the hours of 11pm and 5am. And ones involving kids and sleep or not sleeping and husbands not waking despite very loud huffs and puffs and the kids desire to only want their Mum. Man we have had some doozies. Everything is worse between those hours.
5. Rob getting me a coffee is like the most romantic thing he could do. A surprise hot large flat white is all it takes this day to make me truly happy.
6. We spend a lot of time re-explaining plans about work or otherwise to each other saying over and over again “but I told you about this? We talked about this!” and then realising that you have no recollection whatsoever and that you really should listen more often. We both do this to each other several times a week.
7. We talk about stuff like dishwasher tablets and ill fitting garbage bags these days much more about the stuff we used to like hopes and dreams and plans for the future. I’m OK with that, dishy tablets that don’t dissolve are NOT OK. Isn’t life hard enough?
8. We still make each other laugh every day. Thank god. We are entirely outnumbered by our offspring, spend our days doing what we can for them, trying to make sure they are happy and loved and safe. It’s like a tag team for a really tough boss that pays badly but it’s a great company so you just suck up the shit hours and get on with it because at least you have your BFF at work with you.
9. There’s little to no shame left at this stage. We wee in front of each other while the other brushes teeth. We fart, we snore. I pumice the dead skin off my heels in front of him despite seeing him wince in disgust at it. And they say romance is dead!
Despite all this, there’s no one else I would want by my side. The calm to my peri-menopausal tempestuous storm, the patience to my fire cracking fuse blowing, the quiet to my noise. I know that these are the trenches of early married life: life with small kids in your thirties and early forties where we thud to the ground with the reality of family life and work and responsibilities and BEING A GROWN UP DOING GROWN UP STUFF MAN WHY DOES IT COST SO MUCH? But we are still having fun while doing it and I have to say, like I do on most days, thank GOD for Robert Macdonald.
We’ve done orrrrrright.
Here’s to many more my friend!
Where are you at? 1 year? 37 years?
What’s your advice for a happy marriage?