Plane trips with small children really are nasty. You can see the poor parents, stressed out of their brains worried about what people are thinking, then the people who either had children so long ago that they can’t remember themselves, or just have a cold, dead heart who look at said parents to make them feel worse. Then there are the fellow parents who try to make the others feel better about the whole ordeal with a smile, or funny tale to tell, quietly grateful that their own kids have it together and praying things don’t turn on their own. And then there are the kids, the little ones, loosing their shit entirely, comprehensively and completely, only to decide to FINALLY go to sleep in the last 7 minutes of the flight. Last night I saw all of these parents, I tried to crack a joke with a mother who looked so entirely defeated and stressed that I just wanted to give her a hug. I got annoyed with a Dad who stood behind me and shooshed to his baby (that wasn’t even crying) “Sssh SSSH SSSSSH” in a sing-songsy fashion over and over and over again for approximately 45 minutes until I was going to sssh him (see also: Me. Dead heart) and I’ve never been happier to 1. have kids that were old enough to be in their own seat, and 2. not be on a flight to Europe.
I read BOOKS. Plural! I devoured them from the moment I woke up, until the minute my eyes fell asleep at night. Hours passed and days were over before I even realised. Is there anything better than time and freedom to do that? I wish I could read all the time, it just seems to disappear the moment I get back to ‘normal’ life. Rob had a crack at Hemingway (For whom the Bell Tolls) and I just rolled my eyes at him. It’s hardly a rollicking holiday read now is it?
I celebrated a birthday while I was away and am now 36. I have really strong memories of my own mother being 36 (for some reason that age just STICKS in my mind) and now here I am. How does it happen? Children do not generally like to share Birthdays with their Mother I’ve found. It’s something about things not being about them I think. One of my personal favourites was my 30th when I got a trifecta: Daisy was cutting her first tooth AND had a cold and would not be put down for the entire day, I got my first period back post baby AND I decided cooking lunch for both sides of the family would be a good idea. It wasn’t. I still shiver thinking about that birthday…it’s never quite how you think right?
I am a complete sticky beak. If ever spotted poolside there will be a book sure, but mostly there will be me staring at people and making stories up about people around me. I also ask for Rob’s opinion on the matter, which usually really pisses him off (come ON, it’s just Hemingway) and then leave it a few minutes before doing it all over again. People watching is the BEST kind of watching.
I think seeing real women’s bodies in swimmers is important. We get so used to seeing magazines and movies with women who are hardly real and normal and somehow measuring ourselves up against them. REAL women have lots of wobbly bits (even the young hot ones on honeymoons in the best shape of their lives). All the different shapes and lumps and bumps is just good to see. One common observation was the adjustment of everything: tits, bums, guts, pubes before entry into water. A quick checklist if you will before you know it all gets messed up and out of sorts again.
If you are ever going somewhere in the middle of winter and you forget to lose 5 kilos before you go because you are lazy and like to eat, may I recommend a spray tan? I hadn’t had one for about 9 years, and without committing myself to a Geordie Shore approach, I am going to get on board that band wagon again. Brown cellulite just looks better, others may not agree, but I endorse it.
Kids still get sick on holidays. They still whinge. They still complain. And they still say things like “it’s NOT FAIR” when it actually couldn’t be further from fair. I always forget that when I’m in planning mode of a holiday, but it can be same shit, different scene. Thank goodness for cocktails is what I have to say about that.
Completely dropping out and turning off EVERYTHING electrical is a very good thing. I need to do it more often and I’m gonna.
What’s been your worst plane trip with a kid?
Anyone else have a love/hate relationship with their birthday?
Are you a poolside/beachside people watcher? Isn’t EVERYONE?